tjcran, My MIL was the first person I told about my WW's EA. The reason I did that was because I was desperate as my WW was about to leave, and my MIL knew about the first EA with the same ex-boyfriend 17 years ago. She at first swore that she will never let WW get a D, and pushed her back together with me. But alas, blood is thicker than water, and in the end she secretly funded WW's divorce retainer.
In the end, I feel telling my MIL had no impact on the D. It probably stalled it for three months. But I am glad that she knows the truth, it gave me a sense of vindication. I do feel betrayed by my MIL as she went back on her word, but she apologized to me and said WW is her only daughter so she had to relent. She realizes it is all WW's fault, she told me whatever complaints WW told her about me was no comparison for her cheating on me.
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
I wouldn't tell my in laws with the intention of getting them to try to stop the D. The D is happening and frankly I don't know that I want to stop it at this point. The betrayal (and I don't mean just the betrayal of the EAs, but all the other stuff too) has eroded my love and ruined any trust and I don't know that we could ever re-build a good relationship with those issues.
I'm sure almost everyone here has gone through or will go through the retribution phase and my fantasy of exposing her to her family is part of that. I'm human and I feel that everything needs to be fair, so why does she get to tell her family and friends "part" of the story - the part where I'm sure I sound like an a-hole. Shouldn't they know all sides of it?
That's right, the desire for retribution is what is holding me back right now. That and the material loss I will suffer in the D, and the sadness that S11 is enduring. Other than that I would be able to detach properly.
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
Experiencing a little pain today. W and I talked about child custody and splitting assets. We are cooperating very well and the conversation is so easy. The conversation is easier than it has been in years. I've been GAL. I am now aware of healthy boundary setting and have been practicing my connection skills with other relationships and it is working really well. She has been sharing some feelings with me that I was in the dark about. Why couldn't we do this before? Why did all this hurt and destruction have to happen?
The pain has grown and now I'm hurting pretty bad. I don't know if anyone else is this way, but bedtime is the worst. The loneliness really gets to me at bedtime.
I know at some point the pain will go away, but it [censored] when you are in the middle of it.
Hey Tjcran, I was catching up on your sitch. Bed time seems to be a time everyone has trouble with. Until I got my sleep habit back to normal it was always a hard to sleep then never a good sleep.
If your not getting proper sleep that is a major thing that needs repaired. I did sleep meds to get me back to normal.
Now when I lay down I talk to God and I usually fall asleep within minutes, and sleep until my alarm goes off.
There are up days and down days, and like I'm my case I was good for months then boom, however the recovery time gets ahorter and shorter.
Thanks for stopping by my thread and responding. You helped more than you know.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
I know I'm not the first person to observe this, but I need to say it (type it) anyway.
Why are so many people causing so many people so much pain? I have experienced incredible pain over the last couple months and when I look at this message board I realize I'm just a drop in an ocean. This whole experience has me hyper aware of how unhealthy so many marriages and relationships are. Why is our society/culture accepting of this? Why aren't we doing more to change this? I applaud MWD and her efforts along with several others, but MORE needs to be done.
First, since I've been physically separated from my W I have come to realize that I've been emotionally abused for years. My sense of reality was warped. I had no self confidence, no self esteem and was probably depressed. My W has been manipulating things to make me feel like I'm always the bad guy. I'm not mistake free, but this marriage took two people. Now that I'm away from her I'm gaining some perspective and it hurts a lot to know she did this to me.
I talked to her sister and divulged a little of the above. Her sister revealed that she was a victim of this as well going back to childhood. It got so bad that at the age of 14 she finally moved out. Her parents didn't stop her and have never talked about it since. How f'd up is that? She said that my W has a superiority complex (I whole heartedly agree) and that my W is always working to make her feel inferior (me too!)
I bear some responsibility in that I allowed myself to live like this for so long, but I am looking forward to a bright future. Soon I will be in a place where I can have my kids live with me part time and that will be great for me and for them. I want them to see what a happy home feels like.
