I found out about my H affair almost 2 months ago. He was very hesitant with providing information about the affair. It is with a co-worker (same company, different branch). It is ongoing. It will be almost 3 weeks since he moved out to his parents house. I requested he move out. I couldn't deal with trying to wrap my head around his affair and having to see him and do day to day things together, like having dinner, etc.
The first 2 weeks were terrible, I tried and tried to get as much info as possible. at D day, it had gone on for less than 3 months. First was EA, turned PA sometime in Jan of this year. He wanted out of the marriage, I got the "I just don't love you" speech. Was told he loves her. She is also married with 3 kids, ranging from 8-18. We have been together for 15 years, married for 2.5 We just recently (last week) became grandparents from his son. I have a daughter. both adults. Blended Family.
Before he moved out, he started talking about needing time to think. I couldn't handle him being "texting" her in front of me. going outside to "talk on the phone" with her. He even went to see her on a couple of occasions. I blocked my social media from her and her husband/children. which is why I asked him to find a place to move to. He moved in with his parents. He now, asks if we get back together, what happens if we fail. He says he has been thinking a lot and trying to sort things out in his head. What he wants, what he needs. That he needs to think of his happiness. That he doesn't plan on pursuing a relationship with her if they both divorce, but its not out of the question either. That for all he knows it can end tomorrow. He says that him wanting time isn't about her, that its something he has been dealing with for some time now. naturally instead of talking to me about it, he opened up to her. I still have no idea what the nature of their relationship is based on. I love him. I have been doing the 180, for over a month now. At the very least, its calmed me down.
Last 2 weeks, we have been texting each other. Its gotten a little rated. STD testing was done. we have had several encounters since D day. Each one more intense than the one before. He comes to the house to hang out, now and then. Have dinner on occasion. He mentions things here and there that lead me to believe he is coming around, but then he does something totally opposite. I know I am not supposed to trust him at his word any more, but given the situation I tend to believe that he has not been physical with her since before D Day.
Now sorry for the length of the post. I need help. What am I supposed to be doing now? aside from taking care of me. Should I stop with the flirting/texting etc? Should I stop letting him visit? Close up shop? Stop talking to him? Hanging out?
You have a lot of really good questions. It is easy to be conflicted when you have so many emotions and thoughts going through your head! Everything you say and do needs to be very strategic.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
