Well, interesting developments this morning for those still following a long, ugly process with just me commiserating.
After mulling it over for several days I sent "the letter".
I got an answer!
This is as close to "real" communication as we've had in months, if not longer.
I have asked her to go with me to Colorado and see Michele. She answered once about being afraid of things reverting. I said there was no gamble in this, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. What I do know is we are both destroying our lives at the moment. The L's are in control, and only she has the power to stop things - if even temporarily.
It looks like she will let me have the dog for 3 days when she's out of town - however it's not quite as altruistic as it sounds. Our friend who would be sitting - her husband has ALS and things took a rapid turn for the worse. Still, this is progress! Normally, she would have gotten her assistant to stay at the house or something else.
I have not heard an answer back, and this letter was a strange mix of DR and a 180 at the same time. However, something happened. I feel if I can get her to go to Colorado for a 2-day intensive, that's all I would want.
This could be huge. Thanks for listening.
Me: 58 Her: 59 Kids: 0 Dog: 1 ILYBINILWY: 9/15 D Bomb: 1/11/16 (found out filed) Verified OM: 1/11/16 Moved out: 1/11/16 (thought it was temporary)
Ok, the WW just emailed me. She is going to let me have the dog while she is out of town (I don't care what she's doing).
She says she will "consider" seeing Michele, she's afraid of things going bad. She wants to work without L's, but I'm not going down that road. I want her to see what she's done, and the consequences. She's back Tuesday, court is Wednesday, so there's no talking between now and then.
Me: 58 Her: 59 Kids: 0 Dog: 1 ILYBINILWY: 9/15 D Bomb: 1/11/16 (found out filed) Verified OM: 1/11/16 Moved out: 1/11/16 (thought it was temporary)
Your "Plan Michele" sounds like a Hail Mary Pass at Recovery. I'm wondering if your WW is just placating you, hoping to postpone the court date?
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
CWOL, there's no postponing the court date. She knows that. I'm done budging, and told her that she's set everything in motion. Once again she said something about working things out without L's, to which she received no answer.
She has this choice - go to see Michele. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. There's no change.
She said she doesn't know if she wants to put forth the "effort". Well, she's going to see what real effort is all about, and soon. Sounds to me as if a few days in Boulder couldn't be that bad.
2 days and the rest of your life.
In the meantime, I get my sweet little dog for 3 days and 2 nights! Hooray! I'm almost beside myself.
Me: 58 Her: 59 Kids: 0 Dog: 1 ILYBINILWY: 9/15 D Bomb: 1/11/16 (found out filed) Verified OM: 1/11/16 Moved out: 1/11/16 (thought it was temporary)
Hi GWH, Melo, no - there's nothing but a potential upshot.
Something must have changed, because she answered the letter. That in itself is something.
She keeps talking about trying to work things out amicably without L's - and I'm just not going there. Everything else is solid DR from here on out.
Hinting at even the slightest possibility of considering going to Boulder is huge. She's obviously lost some resentment, and is perhaps reflecting on her insane rebellion. Or, she's not and playing. She can play but it won't get her anything. I go dark.
Regardless, getting the dog before court is something. I will follow her instructions to the letter, and won't pull anything. Maybe even leave a thank-you card.
I refuse to get on the roller coaster again, so I'm staying detached and taking this day by day. I can hardly wait for tomorrow.
Me: 58 Her: 59 Kids: 0 Dog: 1 ILYBINILWY: 9/15 D Bomb: 1/11/16 (found out filed) Verified OM: 1/11/16 Moved out: 1/11/16 (thought it was temporary)
She keeps talking about trying to work things out amicably without L's - and I'm just not going there. Everything else is solid DR from here on out.
Hinting at even the slightest possibility of considering going to Boulder is huge. She's obviously lost some resentment, and is perhaps reflecting on her insane rebellion. Or, she's not and playing. She can play but it won't get her anything. I go dark.
Hope you are right, but from the last time about keeping the L's out, is it another attempt at D using mediation instead of litigation?
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
I hope sincerely that she's not pretending to consider what you want to get what she wants. You probably need to have a conversation in order to figure that out.
I'm wondering - what prevents you from keeping the dog once you have it? She's kept it for 3 months, why don't you keep it for 3 months now? From what I know, posession is half the law. I'd take the dog to the vet for a checkup while you have it, too, so you can get some records and other documentation in your hands.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Hope you are right, but from the last time about keeping the L's out, is it another attempt at D using mediation instead of litigation?
This is what she is trying to do at the moment, yes. It's not going to happen, plain and simple. We go to court on Wednesday, and she'll get a taste of what's in store. I have made it obvious at this point that this is how things will proceed. She can ask about anything else all she wants. She just won't get a response.
Me: 58 Her: 59 Kids: 0 Dog: 1 ILYBINILWY: 9/15 D Bomb: 1/11/16 (found out filed) Verified OM: 1/11/16 Moved out: 1/11/16 (thought it was temporary)