More detachment, anxiety and the joys of limbo

[Vanilla]

My lovely Phoebe, if you are shaking then it's likely that you are low metabolically. Please check as AD may make that worse.

Adenial exhaution or thyroid malfunction is a metabolic state.

I suggest you get a full blood check, include thyroid, vitamin D and diabetes check. Your MD can help.

Get everything tested,even ingrowing toe nail syndrome.

There are others around who are much better qualified than I who can advise.

Tons of hugs

V

[Tamjakr]

Phoebe,
Like you, my hands have been shaky since OW was confirmed. It's been 6 months. It's nice to know I'm not the only one although I don't wish it on anyone! I wonder when my handwriting will ever get back to normal.

Let me know if you find anything that helps you!

[Painter]

My lovely Phoebe, if you are shaking then it's likely that you are low metabolically. Please check as AD may make that worse.

Adenial exhaution or thyroid malfunction is a metabolic state.

I suggest you get a full blood check, include thyroid, vitamin D and diabetes check. Your MD can help.

Get everything tested,even ingrowing toe nail syndrome.

There are others around who are much better qualified than I who can advise.

Tons of hugs

V

An emotional shock or sudden onset stress situation can set off the thyroid. I'm hyperthyroid (controlled with meds), which came on suddenly when I moved away from home at the age of 18. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 37. I have to adjust my meds according to the stress load. The bloodwork is never the same from test to test because of this.

My blood sugar can get low, too, which makes me mostly sleepy - but both thyroid disease and diabetes runs in my family.

My handwriting gets very jerky when I'm emotionally upset, too.

There's definitely a very strong mind-body connection and we can have very physical reactions to emotional input.

But relaxation, meditation, massage and other relaxing activities can help balance our bodies and minds again, too.

[Phoebe]

I've had a bunch of blood work, including thyroid levels, BG, metabolic, etc. Nothing.

So, things have changed markedly in the last few hours for me. I did some very basic internet research last night, and found way too much without even really trying, including the AP's identity, which led to more knowledge I didn't need to know. If I didn't know, nothing would have changed, but now I know, and I can't sit by and watch my financial future circle the drain, and I have lost what shred of respect I still had for him.

I found that he traveled to a warm foreign country just days after he abandoned me to go to a music festival and almost certainly took his AP with him - the photo that I saw of them both together matched all the greenery and hills in the photos he posted to his photo stream (no green grass and trees in the northeast since they met in 11/15, so the conclusion is obvious).

She was in my house out in the other state just a day or two ago, so that means she was in my bed because there is only one bed in the house, and then she had the audacity to post a photo from my home and list the town on her own photo stream.

I also found out that while he was in Europe last year on a business trip and told me the work had been extended by a week (while I was home, missing him!), that in reality he went traveling off on his own, instead. He posted pics from that, too.

Anyway, the bottom line is that I contacted a lawyer and I am going to file for divorce. I have to protect myself financially, and I am finally ready to do so. If I don't, then what's next? Will he buy himself another house with our money, buy her a sports car, take a few more trips around the world, using the assets we saved and skimped to accumulate over the last 25 years together? He's already blown over $12-15K, and that's just for the things I know about - the apartment and the likely cost of the two trips I found.

I lay awake all night until 6 am before I finally took Xanax to get a couple hours sleep. I am just so disgusted that the person I thought I knew has turned into this, a pathological liar with no moral compass. He has violated my trust by having an affair, by stealing our money for both an apartment that he didn't need (In AP's town, by the way) and selfish travel expenses, by physically abandoning me and literally running away from home, and by lying about it at every single turn.

He even lied and told me that his relationship with AP was nothing, he didn't love her, it was only "friends with benefits," a dead-end relationship because she was moving soon, etc.. Meanwhile I see they booked a date for mid May at an art exhibit and she's at MY HOME. Then there is the idea that he has been lying to me so easily for the last 3 years while he was out clubbing and I was here working on our property, all the while telling me he was going out with colleagues from work. I even encouraged him to do it because I thought it was good that he was bonding with his coworkers.

I gave him yet another opportunity to tell me anything else that he was hiding when I last saw him, and he said that there was nothing left that he had lied about. Lies on top of lies on top of lies.

I realized yesterday that the fantasy life he had constructed for the last few years hinged on my not being a part of his life, and when he walked away from me in December, it was just him bringing his dreams to fruition.

So, major changes and this is me officially dropping the rope. I am so disgusted and demoralized and discouraged right now. How did I not see this?

I had to reschedule my grief counselor session today because I wasn't up to 4 hours of driving, and I figured that doing grief work while I was angry wasn't going to be very useful.

I called my regular therapist, and told him, and he was very supportive. He told me that I needed to arrive at my own conclusions in my own time, but that he thought it was good that I was taking a proactive stance to protect myself.

All in all, a really crummy turn of events. I hope others are having a better day today.

[Phoebe]

I Forgot to mention - the soonest appointment I can get it the lawyer I already talked to is next Monday. I have a call in to another office, but nothing there yet.

Until then, I am maintaining NC with H and keeping my cards close, as they say. No mention of it to him.

[Jb9140]

Wow!! I'm so sorry for your pain. I really hope that you get a lawyer ASAP. I've been dealing with my situation today as best as I can, but DAMN!! That his horrible info you found, but I truly would rather know now then later. I'll keep you in my prayers.

[GWH]

Phoebe,

So sorry to hear this, and the pain it's causing you. I guess in a way it was better you found this stuff out know rather then later. Hang in there Phoebe we are all here for you.

[Cherry]

Oh phoebe I'm so sorry. I really am, this pain is unbearable and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Except maybe these spouses doing it to is. Maybe I'm evil, but it's so unfair they do this to us and get on with their life. I can see myself becoming very very bitter towards him

[SH_]

Phoebe,

I am sorry you are going through this, just awful.

Remember to breath and take care of yourself. I know how the thoughts start racing and can start to flood your system with those anxiety inducing chemicals, and we both know that is no fun.

Write out your plan and that can keep it organized and out of the mind so you can focus on what you can do in the moment.

You know I am here supporting you and sending the positive karma your way, but please take care of yourself in the moment and continue marching on with the things you have been doing and this new development can fall into place without disrupting you more.

The biggest most valuable thing that I am learning in my sitch and following others like yours is that all of the plans I have had for the past 20 years were not as much in my control as I would like to think. But even with our WAS doing what they are doing to our plans when I control the moment and myself, things are not as bad as I would think up in my head and I can still pick up the pieces and march on.

Basically living in the moment is where I am finding peace.
I learned this last night while with my babies.

Sorry to be long winded, but I want to reach out and be there for you as you have done for me. Have peace today, be well, and you will get through this and come out for the better.

((((Phoebe))))

[Phoebe]

Sadly, so can I, and I am not a bitter person. I have given H every benefit of the doubt, telling myself and everyone else that he was lost, not himself, etc. I was patient, I was kind, and in turn I was payed back with further deceit and pain and seeds of mistrust.

I wanted to be the lighthouse, and I have put my light out there, standing tall and bright and doing my best to hold it together, but he can't see anything besides himself right now, and maybe he never will. I apologized for things I thought might have been the problem,things I might have done, I praised him for coming home to the funeral and facing everyone, I owned my share of our relationship issues, but none of it was good enough to even earn a modicum of respect in return.

What chance did faithful, steady me have against Miss Shiny Bright, and the glittery excitement of clubbing and dancing and travel to exotic locations? Of the lure of life as a single man reliving his lost youth? Honestly, I look at what he's done and what he values now and only one word comes to mind: pathetic.