So my husband left about 3 months ago, and when I say "left" i mean said he doesn't know what he wants. He is officially moving out next week, to take a break from our marriage. Not saying he wants a divorce, but rather a break from our marriage. I've noticed that when I just go on with my life, don't reach out to him, don't email him, text, anything he is constantly reaching out. I know this is normal, but I guess my concern is, do I keep this up even after he's officially out? We have a 1 year old, so there are things we will need to talk about, but other than that, do I just act like I"m doing great? That's really when he seems to come around. Ugh!!
Me: 37 Husband: 35 Married 5 years, together 13 Daughter - 1 Bomb dropped - 12/28/2015 He's moving out (officially) - 4/15/2016 EA confirmed 6/1/16 PA confirmed 8/1/16
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
So my husband left about 3 months ago, and when I say "left" i mean said he doesn't know what he wants. He is officially moving out next week, to take a break from our marriage. Not saying he wants a divorce, but rather a break from our marriage. I've noticed that when I just go on with my life, don't reach out to him, don't email him, text, anything he is constantly reaching out. I know this is normal, but I guess my concern is, do I keep this up even after he's officially out? We have a 1 year old, so there are things we will need to talk about, but other than that, do I just act like I"m doing great? That's really when he seems to come around. Ugh!!
What you can't let him do is have his cake and eat it too. He wants a break? Fine, he's out. He needs to learn what that really means. It doesn't mean he gets access to you and the kid whenever he wants. Nope. That right is reserved for the family unit. A family unit he wants to walk away from. You have to be strong. Don't be his doormat because nobody respects a doormat. He has to feel the pain of what him leaving really means to his life. He can see you and the kiddo at your discretion and on your schedule. Period.
You are so smart to recognize that detaching is getting you a positive response from him. Keep doing what is working. Of course you need to be in contact with him regarding your daughter, but what does that look like while he is out of the marital home?
You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Please call me to discuss our DB coaching program at 303-444-7004.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
I totally agree about the "having his cake" and I'm actually looking forward to him moving out because he will get a true sense of what life is like without me. He's already starting to get scared (I know because the phone calls and texts are starting). So what do I do if he's away for however long, and then decides he wants to come back? That is the ultimate goal for me, to get back together. But do I look weak because I'm letting him take this time away from "us" and then take him back?
Me: 37 Husband: 35 Married 5 years, together 13 Daughter - 1 Bomb dropped - 12/28/2015 He's moving out (officially) - 4/15/2016 EA confirmed 6/1/16 PA confirmed 8/1/16
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Can you give some examples of proper boundaries and healthy objectives? I do have the book also, and it's definitely helpful.
Me: 37 Husband: 35 Married 5 years, together 13 Daughter - 1 Bomb dropped - 12/28/2015 He's moving out (officially) - 4/15/2016 EA confirmed 6/1/16 PA confirmed 8/1/16
Great, thank you so much! It's funny, now that the move out date is getting closer, he is starting to panic.
Me: 37 Husband: 35 Married 5 years, together 13 Daughter - 1 Bomb dropped - 12/28/2015 He's moving out (officially) - 4/15/2016 EA confirmed 6/1/16 PA confirmed 8/1/16
