Forging a new path

[Melo]

I feel like it would piss off the W if I stopped the relationship with the OM. It would be ideal if his wife found out and blew it up because she has more leverage. A part of me also doesnt want my W to get away with it.

[Melo]

I am definitely struggling today with the idea of my W being with another man. She must be so hurt to get to this point. I was only the 2nd man to ever be with her intimately, the 1st being her 1st husband and no one that I talk to can believe that she is seeing a married man. I can'tell possibly believe that she is doing th this, knowing what kind of man the other guy is (a former drug dealer who is known for sleeping with many women). As far as I know she is really pursuing him and he is just going along. My head is spinning and I feel kinda sick to my stomach.

[vise82]

Hey Melo,

My mind wont even let me go there, too much pain. I feel for you. I hope you can put some focus on something, anything else right now. If it was not that guy it would be another.

Do something nice for yourself right now. take care of you.

[Lostman]

Hang in there Melo. It's brutal dealing with OM. I get so down when I think those thoughts.

Try to occupy yourself with positive things. Find things that make you happy and focus on them.

[TimR]

Sorry for the bad day Melo. It is difficult not to obsess over the OM. Mine was with one loser and now another. What you have to remember is that it is not your fault. Were you the perfect H, I doubt it. But you are here which states you are a pretty darn good guy. No one is the perfect H. Happy couples, still not perfect spouses. Unfortunately for us for some reason or another we got stuck with Ws who could not handle pain, disappointment, resentment, or whatever caused them to rebel.

I had IC today and was joking with my counselor how I first came to him with a three page typed list of my faults as a H and man. Now I have 5/6 things that I really believe I need to work on. Of that list 2 are actually strengths (not according to WW but to IC they are) so really only 3/4. Funny how they tells us what we have done wrong and we just buy into to. Regardless, you did not drive her to anything, that was her own free will.

[sandi2]

I am definitely struggling today with the idea of my W being with another man. She must be so hurt to get to this point.

She is long past the hurt stage, Melo.

[Melo]

Is it the rebelion stage? I mean this guy is an a hole, he is just playing her, he can see her vulnerability and is taking full advantage of it.

[Melo]

Thanks Vise and Lostman, I am going to go out tonight (without telling the W anything) and I'm going to go to Barnes and Noble and just read a book and leave her with the kids for a change.
Thank you Tim, I really admire the strides you've made and hope to have similar growth someday.

[bigybiz]

Melo: If this OM has a checkered past you may not want to confront him at all. I hope you enjoyed the book.

[Melo]

Yeah I am leaning more towards meeting with OMW and giving her the information so that she can bust them and hold my W accountable. She is more meaningful to both OM and my W. I am just going to ask her to not mention my name....like ever.
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