There have been some situations lately with me and S5 that is making it very hard for me to keep taking the high road. S5 has expressed how he's hungry the mornings he's at his mom's house bc she "never goes to the grocery store." She won't get up early before work to make them a breakfast so her father gives S5 a piece of toast when he takes him to school. S5 continues to express to me how he doesn't like going to her house, how he likes it here much more. S5 told me last night about "Special Mom Time" which sounded great to me until he told me it's when my XW gives him her phone so he can watch his videos on YouTube by himself. She has a week off next week from work (school is on holiday) and she is choosing to take a vacation with her boyfriend. I'm just really disappointed that she is choosing to not spend any of that time with S5/S2.
My biggest worry and sadness in all of this is that my kids are very smart and it won't be long until they really understand where they sit on her priority list. S5 already has the thought that his mom doesn't grocery shop for them. that really upsets me like you wouldn't believe. When they are at my house they eat like teenagers and sleep late. They're usually very tired when they get here.
I realize (as I said in a recent post) that other kids have it much worse and I'm grateful for that. It's just that today when I found out about next week, I again was reminded that my XW is a one way street. I wonder what S5 will think when she's facetiming him next week all excited from her vacation.
Sorry for the rant, hope everyone is doing well.
As of December 2023 Me: 45 XW: 43 S13 S10 ILYBINILWY: 11/14/2014 OM: 11/14/2014 D process: 12/14/2014 D final: 04/2015
Wow. Just wow. Something really wrong with that woman if she thinks a piece of toast is ok breakfast for a 5 year old going off to school.
How's grandpa? Do you think you could talk directly to him, tell him the boy is hungry and give him some easy options for breakfast? Maybe even commiserate how it isn't his job to feed the boy and ex should be doing it? Some simple changes like toast with peanut butter, or a peanut butter sandwich, or a protein bar with a banana, or a bag of trail mix, might be equally easy and give your son more energy. If grandpa isn't helpful, maybe talk to son's teacher and explain the situation - I bet she can tell which days he has eaten.
The only good news? Unless your ex is drinking or drugging, odds are she will eventually wake up from her crisis and become a somewhat better mother. Right now she's "addicted" to the brain chemicals of her infatuation with OM. (Btw, it'll be interesting to see what happens once she has to step-parent HIS kids as well as parent her own - bet that relationship will sour quickly.)
1) The day I found out about XW affair (she is still with the same guy) My ex mother in law told me, "You can't be surprised can you?? This day was coming" followed up by holding my then 1 year old son and telling me, "you'll have to punch me in the face to get him back" My ex father in law then proceeded to accuse me of following my XW (which I didn't) to find out about her affair. They also came to my house one night at midnight so that my XW could trash me on the phone to her then boyfriend. My XW said she had every right to do that and called her parents to come "supervise me" I haven't heard a word from either of them since that day....that is after 12 years being their son-in-law. So no...I can't talk to him.
2) She already is "parenting" his kids. According to her, she "loves" them...brushes their hair, takes them places, etc. I should probably add that OM and XW knew eachother when they were young kids and his parents and XW parents have been very close friends for over 30 years....his parents were actually at my wedding...yea...all adult parties involved feel like this is "kismet" to use XW's words.
3) Her reaction to breakfast was that he can "get a snack" later that day. Again...completely missing the point. This week, S5 is off from school so instead of him having to wake up at 6:15AM so she can get to work...I offered for her to just drop him and S2 back off at my house so she doesn't have to deal with it in the morning and they can sleep in (both boys have been sleeping till 8 at my house) Her response? "they can just take a nap" Again...completely selfish and refuses to put their needs first.
So...hope that gives you a better picture of the dumpster fire I'm dealing with over here.
As of December 2023 Me: 45 XW: 43 S13 S10 ILYBINILWY: 11/14/2014 OM: 11/14/2014 D process: 12/14/2014 D final: 04/2015
Wow, the in laws sound like a nightmare. Do they have some reason to resent you, or are they just buying some fantasy story that your ex has sold them about how awful you are and why she had to leave? Or have they always just been batshit crazy???
As for the breakfast conundrum..... If it continues, here's what I would do. Talk to sons teacher and explain the situation. See if she would be willing to keep some protein bars that you give her, in her desk drawer and slip him one if he is hungry?
She may or may not be willing to do it, but you will have expressed your concern and she will be on the lookout for signs of neglect.
Put it in writing too and start keeping a file. Just in case.
The inlaws resent me bc their daughter tells them to...period. My ex mother in law called me an 'altar boy' on our wedding video. My ex father in law cried and told my XW to her face that "she'll never find a guy to treat her as well as I did." I think the whole situation just sucked. But no, they have zero reason to resent me. The only thing I did, which sounds crazy in writing, is that I stood up for myself when confronted with the affair. And by stand up for myself, I refused to allow her to speak to her boyfriend about me in my own home while I tried to sleep...I'm such a hard ass...
As of December 2023 Me: 45 XW: 43 S13 S10 ILYBINILWY: 11/14/2014 OM: 11/14/2014 D process: 12/14/2014 D final: 04/2015
In retrospect, do you think your ex always had serious issues, or did the brain effects of infatuation convert her from loving wife to crazy selfish person?
I already skimmed through your story, but didn't realize she has a diagnosis of bipolar? ( hopefully based on her behavior BEFORE her crisis, as I don't think you can make an accurate psych diagnosis during crisis). Do you think there may have been a component of postpartum depression as well?
Two therapists told us that she shows all of the signs, one went as far to say she needed medication...but as most with NPD, getting them to admit there is a problem isn't going to happen
As of December 2023 Me: 45 XW: 43 S13 S10 ILYBINILWY: 11/14/2014 OM: 11/14/2014 D process: 12/14/2014 D final: 04/2015
