Still hoping for progress II

[sandi2]

Pulled a muscle in my as* while bowling with sis yesterday.

Yikes, that hurts! I've done the same thing, and it definitely is a pain in the rear.

She asked if services were good, also who I played tennis with. I said services were good. I didn't tell her who I played tennis with. Thought I would let her guess about that.

LOL, it is so funny how a WW tries to sneak that in about asking "who" the LBH was with when they did such & such.

[daybyday]

Yeah Sandi. It didn't go unnoticed.

This morning I get a call from W. "I am gonna kill your son! He is mad because I didn't get all of his contacts transferred to his new phone. Now he wont get up for school and I'm going to be late!" I said, I'm sorry. She says "what should I do just leave him?" I said no, he needs to go to school. She put me on speaker and told him in a very calm tone, "you need to get up or you're probably not getting that phone". Guess what? He got up. I probably shouldn't have done her work for her, but I didn't know what else to do.

It's been that way throughout M. W never can relate to S feelings or how to find the different discipline that works. I always had to be the heavy and I grew to resent her for that and I am sure withdrew from her.

On another topic. Sandi had suggested a possible weekly dinner meetup of W, S and I. I only classify her as WAW at this point. My question is, is it too early in S? Only starting on 3rd week or should I wait a bit?

I feel I am detaching pretty well. I am putting no deadline on the M but I have to think about me and S. Limbo is not a healthy lifestyle. I think I need to start getting her off the main account. She finally started her own but her paychecks barely cover her rent.

So many layers to this unnecessary mess. Ugh!

[daybyday]

Not much new to report. Found a paper in one of my books last night with apt. and rent prices etc. In my WW handwriting. She had noted that "would need copies of D papers and I would have to have a job". She has had her job since last august so this tells me she has been planning this all along.

I think that I am being played for a fool and have had that feeling the whole time. She was tagged in some pics on Fb out partying it up. Classless. She has not had contact via text etc with s13 for five days that he has been at my house. What kind of mother has she become?

Had this been the first time with the ILYBINILWY I might be inclined to give her more time but at this point I think I know where this is headed and I am feeling right now like I need to move on and get this D ball rolling.

I think she is just one of those people that will never be really happy and I am pretty sure that I am not gonna wait around as her plan B. Just really sick of this crap.

I deserve to be happy without being in limbo while she lives it up. Granted, I have been GAL too, but just not feeling her today. So glad that I have a great S. We had a blast yesterday and really have for 5 days. Just ranting.

[Jb9140]

yeah i feel like throwing in the towel myself sometimes. Remember, don't make any major decision without sitting on it for at least a week.

[Vapo]

Nix the snooping and 68 the FB... That crap will do you in...

[daybyday]

Had an interaction with W when I took S PS4 to him. Stood in the doorway and gave him his stuff and hugged him. Then said well I'll see ya. W had wide eyes and said slowly, see ya. I guess she was surprised that I was so quick to leave. Didn't feel good to me.

I have spoken to IC and all that know my sitch about having W over to discuss S and how we move forward. I know that doesnt seem to be the DB consensus, but how does anything move forward in either direction if we have such limited contact? We just learn to live apart. Detachment right? yeah i realize that.

But if she is not interested at all in R then I would like to be free to move on. As much as it would hurt me again. I can't go through this thing with no progress, hoping that she misses me and has a change of heart.

I won't sit back and let her sow her wild oats or whatever and be her plan B.

Any thoughts? Bueller? Bueller?

[daybyday]

Well, I had meeting with WW last night at our house. I more or less just asked how we move forward after a month of S and what her feelings were. She said kinda sheepishly. "I kinda like it". I said okay. But I don't enjoy being in limbo. It's not fair for me to have to wait around for you to find yourself. I would like to share my life with someone, preferably you, but if that's not going to happen I need to be able to move on. Her response was I know, I'm not ready, its only been a month.

I asked her if there are any reservations about the S. She said yes, money. I said, well I don't want to be your financial parachute plan B. I deserve to be someones Plan A. We still had a joint acct. and she had opened a new one. I told her that I will be closing joint and opening my own as I make 75% of th income and pay all the bills. I suggested that she may have to get a second job. I asked her about dating and she said no. "do you have someone in mind?" I said "I didn't say that".

Bottom line I think was that I at least made her away that I wasn't going to sit by and be a patsy that she can string along until she gets financially on her feet, and then D me. I at least felt better about that.

We talked about non R stuff after that and she left.

Texted me 5 or 6 times this morning about S13 who is giving her trouble at her place. I just said "I'm sorry".

I know a lot of what I did is go against Dbing but maybe it has served a purpose. I did not give her an ultimatum. I brought up MC. She said not ready right now. So that is different from the absolute "no" a month before.

Back to limbo, but for how long?

[daybyday]

Been taking a break for a while to do some serious work and trying to drop the rope. After a couple of R talks initiated by me, I have come to the belief that R talks are detrimental as we all have been told many times over. For instance.

About a month ago WW came over and I initiated R talk. She seemed a bit concerned that I was in a hurry to move on. Even made comments like "you got somebody picked out?". I said "i didnt say that". I was pushing her for a time frame that she just couldnt give. When she sensed that I was still in pursuit of her, the whole dynamic of the conversation changed. She knew she still had me so right then essentially the talk was over.

So, MDay weekend I asked if I could bring her present by on friday as I wouldnt be around on Sunday. She said sure. I had made her abig pot full of her fave flowers. The first question she asked when I showed up was "so, where are you going this weekend?" Thought that odd.

I guess my bottom line reality check is. Try to drop the rope and and no R talk. We have been S for two months now and the first R talk after one month put me back to square one. Been solidly Dbing for a month and we were scheduled to revisit R talk in about a week. I will not bring it up. I will see if she does. She expects me to because she knows me and already said, "you are so impatient". Maybe it will make her wonder if I dont bring it up. Who knows? I have had a few good interactions with her. Laughing, and talking casually. She asked about a recent Dr appt I had etc. I dont read too much into it. She still continues to like some of my posts on FB. Could be just for appearances. Again, who knows.

I guess a question I have is, should i be trying to have more contact with her, or continue status quo. I have not discovered A but still dont rule it out. I would like advice from a veteran Dber. Sandi, any advice on my sitch at this point?

[betterm]

I guess a question I have is, should i be trying to have more contact with her, or continue status quo. I have not discovered A but still dont rule it out. I would like advice from a veteran Dber. Sandi, any advice on my sitch at this point?

I'm not sandi, or experienced by any means, but I've talked to multiple coaches from multiple resources (not just DB Coaches), and ALL of them say, if you initiate R talks, and it seems bad, awkward, etc... stop doing it. It's okay to lay a hint, but if that hint goes ignored, or turns bad, stop doing it all together and back off completely. Detach, and go minimal. Gifts are a bad idea, as romantic gestures are not what she's wanting from you right now.

[daybyday]

Thanks betterm. I appreciate your input.