Rundown: Boyfriend and I had open relationship. I asked to end it when my mom got sick and died of cancer. He decided that he didn't feel like doing that. Got the ILYBNIWY speech early Feb. Found a post by OW a few days later. He admitted to PA/EA for 9 months. Said he didn't know if he wanted to be with me anymore. "When I'm with you, I want to be alone. When I'm alone, I want to be with her." Then I don't love you, I never loved you blah blah. I left to stay with friends for a few days. Found out he had OW at my home. I kicked him out on V-day. He is staying with OW and OW's best friend and best friends' 3 kids. We have been largely NC with the exception of arranging him picking up more of his things. I would like to try and work things out but he's telling his friends he's done. I'm trying to be patient, give time for the affair to die and him to realize what he's lost but it's a daily strugggle-bus. I miss him. I miss my life. But I'll be okay.
I'm still just such a mess. Will post old thread URL later.
I just want The real H to show his face. NC hell, technically it's been less than a week, but no real contact since v-day.
Last edited by Cadet; 03/10/1604:55 PM. Reason: Link
M:26 H:32 T:8yrs ILYBNILWY/ "I'm not happy": 2/6/16 D-Day-discovered PA/EA: 2/10/16 Separated: 2/14/16 He's living with OW I moved to different state: 06/16 Currently: Trying to move forward
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
M:26 H:32 T:8yrs ILYBNILWY/ "I'm not happy": 2/6/16 D-Day-discovered PA/EA: 2/10/16 Separated: 2/14/16 He's living with OW I moved to different state: 06/16 Currently: Trying to move forward
That just says it all. I. Miss. My. Life. That's the hardest part. Knowing I took it for granted. Maybe that's my lesson in this. But, we will be okay. I'm already a better version of myself and I'm sure you are, too. You have such a bright future ahead of you. Stay strong, Sparkles, you got this.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
I saw him briefly right after I found out but he's been gone since. And I hate him and I love him and I want him to come home and I never want to see him again. I just want my H back. The guy he was before all of this bullsh*t. I want the future we were planning.
And the anger is gone again. Went to dinner with my bestie. Talked to her about everything. Love her but she's very protective and thinks I should walk away. She's probably right. My H is probably gone.
M:26 H:32 T:8yrs ILYBNILWY/ "I'm not happy": 2/6/16 D-Day-discovered PA/EA: 2/10/16 Separated: 2/14/16 He's living with OW I moved to different state: 06/16 Currently: Trying to move forward
M:26 H:32 T:8yrs ILYBNILWY/ "I'm not happy": 2/6/16 D-Day-discovered PA/EA: 2/10/16 Separated: 2/14/16 He's living with OW I moved to different state: 06/16 Currently: Trying to move forward
No. Don't walk away yet. But it wouldn't hurt to act as though you are I suppose. Make new friends, just search and you will easily find them!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Thats the nice thing about all of this, is that we're becoming better versions of ourselves and that yes, we will be ok. I also miss my life but I guess I have to make a new life. And I like and value this woman I am becoming - I just wish H were were around to see it, to grow and be strong with me. I would love for his evil twin to leave and for my sweet, little bear to return (sorry so graphic lol), but we have no control over that.
Spark, you have an awesome energy and H is a damn fool for leaving you. Let's have hope that this is only a bump in the road b/c regardless, you will come out better, that's something I'm sure of.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
I know I'll be just fine regardless. But I guess I don't really want "just fine." I feel like there's a big elephant in the room and it's saying " dude, he's gone. He's probably not coming back. Get over it."
I'm not feeling despair at the moment, but I'm just putting one foot in front of the other, going through the motions every day...And I look at what we'd have to overcome if he does come back and I just don't know if he's ever going to be willing to put in the work it'll take to get us to the better place...
M:26 H:32 T:8yrs ILYBNILWY/ "I'm not happy": 2/6/16 D-Day-discovered PA/EA: 2/10/16 Separated: 2/14/16 He's living with OW I moved to different state: 06/16 Currently: Trying to move forward
I'm not feeling despair at the moment, but I'm just putting one foot in front of the other, going through the motions every day...And I look at what we'd have to overcome if he does come back and I just don't know if he's ever going to be willing to put in the work it'll take to get us to the better place...
Agreed….but maybe this is what DB'ing is all about….we become the best version of ourselves. If they can't do the same, then, really do we want them back? That is a question I've been asking myself all day.
And I agree with Hope. You are great woman, Sparkles.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
