So Much Time is Passing By Pt. II

[Thornton]

Hey Hope,

It's hard isn't it? I know how you feel. Limbo is a pretty tough place to live.

I wish I had some poignant advice I could give you but alas, there is none.

It's one of those things that just takes times, and lots of it. Just know that you will not feel this way forever. This is but a small chapter in your book.

You will smile again, I promise.

Allow yourself to feel how you feel. I truly believe that our hearts can only handle so much pain before it forces us to detach.

Everything that you are experiencing is completely normal. Think of all the heartbreak country songs there are. Those were all written by people that have experienced exactly what you and I are experiencing.

You might not have H right now, but you have all of us. And we all care about you and are rooting you on.

Hang in there.

[GWH]

Be strong Hope. We are all here for you.

[HopeRB]

Had to contact H about a bill and started talking about other bills. I validated, didn't blame, beg, nothing, yet let him know that I am in deep with all this financially. This prompted to him to say let him know what I need help with and that he would "come by" to help, that we'll take care of this stuff together, and that he doesn't want me to have be stressed either. Then he proceeds to tell me about yet another new job.

I feel like I'm the twilight zone...it's as if he doesn't care or is completely oblivious to the fact that of what is happening. I congratulated him about his new job and then he asked me how my search is going. And he asked me about the status of my current job and if there's anyway for me to stay on. We already spoke about this last time I saw him (a fact which I mentioned), but why this really bothers me is that my job is moving all of my team's roles to our corporate office in another state. I considered it for a moment but then declined. I wasn't going to tell H, but I did end up telling him when I saw him and he said, "You should go, even if its for 2 months while you look for something else..." I told him I wouldn't be doing that b/c I have no one there and its a completely different way of life from NYC and I just can't do that right now, and he got quiet. Basically, I took him prodding me to go as him telling me that he's completely done with our M. So when he said something about staying on again today, I took it as if he is saying, "Are you sure you don't want to go?"

I know, mind reading but how else am I supposed to take it?! I'm upset that he has a nice, shiny new job, frolicking about town, and I'm stuck here to trying to make it. I'm glad we can have civil convos but I just get so upset that he is so oblivious. Is this what him coming back around looks like or am I just reaching for any sing of hope, even if its false? In the meantime, I'm detaching and trying to stay light and breezy when interacting to him but I feel slightly like a fool: how do you validate and stay light and breezy while trying ti stand up for yourself and handle business, all while NOT pushing WAS further away? I've just been pretty annoyed and bitter last few days but God help me that it doesn't take root in my heart.

[HopeRB]

*Public Service Announcement* Please excuse the mass amounts of typos and grammatical errors in my posts. I get very emotional as I type and sometimes don't have the patience or energy to review before hitting submit. I come here to let it all out lol.

[HopeRB]

Also, was that actually H's way of drawing me in and I took his bait? Most of me believes that H is just not that type of person to try to "draw" someone in, especially me after 8 months of this mayhem and him not even flinching.

[HopeRB]

Another thought: Also, is it strange that no matter how much time passes in NC, whenever we do interact, it's as if I just saw him and spoke to him earlier that day..."as usual." Only, I come with a bit more confidence each time in my power to control myself.

[HopeRB]

Also, is he only offering help b/c it makes him look better in the long run if paperwork makes its way into the mix? Is he trying to get me into a place where I will make this easier for him and it will be "mutual"?

[Sparkls]

I wish I had some answers for you.
I don't know if you'll ever really get them.
Only advice I have is to take a step back and stop trying to analyze it to death (next to impossible I know).
I can't believe he hasn't thought about you at all in all this time. Keep trucking along, the path will show itself eventually.

[broke]

Hope,

I wish I had the answers for you. You sound so frustrated today. I am sorry - I wish your conversation would have gone more positively. Unfortunately, we can't mind read and understand really what he is thinking. It sounds like you still think your H is actually a decent guy. So, he just may be going through a rough time (unlike many of us who have cheaters to deal with :-). He could be feeling guilty if that is the case and that is why he is offering to help and be there. I am sure he still has feelings for you, too.

I would stick to the plan. Keep DB'ing, GAL'ing and trying to attain your goals. It sounds like he is still really confused and in the thick of it. So much so, that he can't see what he is doing to you and probably doesn't even realize what he is saying. Stay the course - I think it is the best option. Hope you have plans tonight to GAL - maybe that class you liked!

[GWH]

I agree with all said above Hope. Stay the course, and be the best you can be for you.