Two months ago, I confronted my wife about her distance and what was wrong. After digging...."im not there with you anymore" and eventually "there's someone else."
A thousand things have transpired since then....but, well nothing has really changed. Fact is she is still involved (at an unknown level) with my married neighbor. She spends all of her time at the gym (where he is) or hiding around the house to text with him. She knows I know this but is in that addiction stage, plus she is taken care of at home and has her cake and eats it too.
I am a Christian and my relationship with God has become amazing through this....matter of fact, He's the only thing helping me keep my mouth shut and hold on. I do truly believe that my responsibility is 100% to be a good husband and father to my 2 stepchildren 10/14. That said, keeping my sanity is a minute by minute battle.
My concern (one of many) is this. If I begin to 180 all of the things in my life with my wife, how am I fulfilling the role of the Christian husband who (for better or worse) is to love his wife sacrificially? I know that this is likely contrary to 180 all the things I do for her. I'm basically taking care of everything at home while she has to worry about nothing...and I feel kinda like Im enabling her to do what she wants. I mean, would you change if you knew you were taken care of, you kids and mom were taken care of, your dinner and breakfast were always ready for you and your back was rubbed every night until you fell asleep?
Much more for details on my issue, but I haven't a clue how this blogging thing really works...so, advice...direction...criticism???
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Toasted so sorry you are here, I truly mean that. My WW is also involved in an affair. It is going to be the worst rollercoaster ride you have ever been on. I hate to be the one who tells you that.
Start the readings suggest above with Sandi's rules and Sandi's reflections. You will get a great deal of insight from that. BUT, make sure to read them all.
Your question about being a Christian by doing 180's. I would tell you this way, by following the advice, even the tough love stuff is how you are standing up for your marriage. By making it through this and doing everything you can within the process you are fighting for your marriage even if its tough love or being silent.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
Thanks TimR. I have been so conflicted in the guilt of my previous shortcomings, and so convicted that I can do better, that I've likely broken many of the DB rules. Im scared (like everyone here I guess), but it sure seems like status quo for two months would be considered...plan not working, move to plan b
The good news is that it isn't too late! Focus on being the best Toasted and Step Dad that only a fool would leave. There are certainly things you can be doing differently to get your marriage moving in a more positive direction.
It is easy to be conflicted when you have so many emotions and thoughts going through your head!
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
