Still hoping for progress

[grelber]

I'm so sorry.

It must be so hard. Hang in there for your S and yourself.

Clearly W does have feelings for you and regret, but she has to decide what to do about it. You need to keep getting yourself in a good place no matter what.

I'd probably help here move if I thought I could keep it together probably because I'd want to demonstrate being there for someone you care about, even if you know they are doing the wrong thing (moving out), is important to me. Its ok for her to see that you're sad she's leaving - you are. Its important she also she's that you're strong enough to survive without her, and are true to your values like helping others.

Stay strong!

[daybyday]

Thanks T and G. Came home from gym this morning and W and I had a talk about how we both felt about the S. Fear of change fear of unknown. We both admitted fear of both. There was some R talk also initiated by both. We talked about why we had trouble communicating and she couldnt figure out why it was so hard to talk to me.

She said she didnt know why. Something she had to figure out.

Also she said she was worried about me and how I will do with her gone. I dont know how to take that.

She admitted that she doesnt know what our future holds and that was one of her biggest fears. Is her finding out that she likes it after a couple months and breaking my heart again. How do I respond to that ?

She thanked me for talking to her and started to cry. I couldnt just stand there. I gave her a hug and she wouldnt let go. She has some issues to sort as do I.

She is excited about her new place. I wish I could share that excitement.

[Vapo]

IMO she needs time, she needs time in her new place without you to miss you. She thinks nothing will change if she S you. She has to learn that everything will change...

[Si_07]

Hi, sorry for the hard time as I know what you are going through as my wife moved out this past week. She spoke to me on Sunday afternoon, wanting to say sorry and that she never entered the marriage to split up, I feel from reading some of Sandi's posts that this apology was just from her own guilt and nothing else. I didn't accept it and told her I would need her to show how sorry she was to believe it. She left that afternoon without saying anything.

I did not help her move her stuff, a joint friend helped her. I coundn't due to work but felt I wasn't going to do that but i did break down when I got home from work. Had to pick myself up again before picking up the kids.

Like most here, I see her in major turmoil and space and time to find herself and clear her head might work out for us. I hope the same for you and we can keep supporting each other through this process.

I am just working on making progress on the house we have been building and making it a home for the kids and me for the time being. She loved the plans for this house, progress had been slow the past year, something she has thrown at me that I was just waiting to buy the best stuff. Wasn't the case, but maybe a 180 is to just progress with small things.

[broke]

Daybyday,

I agree with Vapo, she needs to see how things are going to change. She has to have time to miss you. I'm not sure it's a good idea to help her move out if you are going to be emotional. She sounds conflicted and I think that's positive. Don't push her to talk about R. Hopefully giving her time and space will help her realize the mistake she's making. Keep us posted.

[daybyday]

Thanks V, Si, and Broke. I hope the space and time does work out. Your words are much appreciated

Just seems like she is a drowning person that I just can't reach to pull to safety. It's so sad because they seem soooo close. I know she has to and will go through with this. I just hope that she is honest with herself and pride doesnt prevent her from anything. We went to the game together and after S won his first game she came to half court and gave me high five.

It was my old wife. I know only time will tell. I feel like when we talk we get a little closer. But not close enough yet to have her stay in M. Will keep posted.

[Sl1322]

Daybyday,

Hang in there man. Be proud of your efforts in dealing with this.

[daybyday]

Another crappy sunday. I'm not sure why these are so hard but they. The whole family is here but I see remnants around the house of the impending outcome of S. Items packed up here, some there. When I leave to go to store or something and come back, more stuff packed. It hurts like a hot poker in the gut.

She is so preoccupied with getting "her" apt.. She has always been a little self centered anyway but lately she is worse.

We did much more talking yesterday and she admitted that she felt like even as a kid that she never had her "own" things and that she had problems sharing. She says she is "[censored]#D up". I tried to make her feel better by saying "no more than anybody else".

I know I can't fix her. Only she can. But why does have to be at the cost of 27 years R and an intact fmily?

The selfishness seems almost incomprehensible.

I have some medical appt. that are concerning me also. She doesnt seem concerned enough to slow her roll. That also angers me to no end. One day she acts like she cares and is very engaging. The next day it seems like she regroups and puts her wall back up.

I did some thing, moved some furniture out so she could easier move, and not even a thank you. Sad.

[Thornton]

D,

You gotta let her go before she'll ever come back.

Yes, it stings to watch them walk. She needs to feel the full weight of her decision. It's a jungle out there but the WAS sees freedom and happiness.

Let her go. Once she leaves, back way off. Let her feel your absence. Do not let her use you for emotional support. Don't be a dick, but get so busy that you have no time for her.

Wish her the best and let go. It's the fastest way to get her back.

[daybyday]

I know your right T, but it seems so counter intuitive. If I am not there for emotional support, who will be? Someone else will fill that void it would seem. That's the scary part.

I guess if she really cares for me, she will want my support and may then begin to miss it when I withhold. That my friend is scary and will be so hard. I know I can do it if it is the right thing to do.