Still hoping for progress

[daybyday]

Just starting a new thread.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2658546&page=1

[daybyday]

Link to old thread above.

[daybyday]

I hate to even bring this little thing up but what I am doing at the moment seems like I am creating more distance with W still at home.

Kissing when greeting her home from work etc. That was a must for both for entire 25 years of M. I have stopped, but she still continues to come up and linger as if waiting. I feel horrible as I kind of brush past her to settle in.

It seems like since I stopped we really show no affection at all and doesnt that just make it easier on her to adjust to doing without me? Maybe it's just a fear thing to me of losing that one thing that was always assured.

On the other hand, she has said that she doesnt want to be married, but is still in house and dragging her feet to S. Any help and thoughts would be appreciated.

[Thornton]

That's a tough one, DBD.

I'm not sure what the right answer is. Remind me, does she have OM?

[daybyday]

I don't think so. But you know how that goes. If there was confirmed I know the answer would be absolutely not. But this past week I did some serious sleuthing to no avail.

It's seems so trivial but it's not to me and possibly not to her either. During one of our talks she brought up that she remembered the first time that I didnt say "luv ya" before I ended a call to her.

[broke]

The book definitely says to stop saying "I love you". Isn't the point of detaching for them to miss you? Sounds like she is missing the affection of I love you and kissing....IMHO, maybe that is what is supposed to be happening for her to wake up and see what she will lose. I am definitely no expert at this DB'ing, but that's my take.

[1313]

The book definitely says to stop saying "I love you". Isn't the point of detaching for them to miss you? Sounds like she is missing the affection of I love you and kissing....IMHO, maybe that is what is supposed to be happening for her to wake up and see what she will lose. I am definitely no expert at this DB'ing, but that's my take.

Man, that's a tough one and an answer from a vet I'd like to see. When things started falling apart for us - and there was an OM I didn't know about - detaching and not showing affection drove her further to the OM. She had moved out of the bedroom. One of her parting shots was I could have gone to the other room and done the wild thing with her. Really?

I dunno, I think there's a point where they'll have an excuse for anything. At that point I hadn't discovered DB/DR, I wish I had as I'd have put other things into practice. I did everything wrong - the detachment would have probably had a different affect had I done the other things.

[Thornton]

She had moved out of the bedroom. One of her parting shots was I could have gone to the other room and done the wild thing with her. Really?

I don't believe this for a second, that's bullsh!t. It's how she can assign the blame to you instead of herself.

[1313]

...During one of our talks she brought up that she remembered the first time that I didnt say "luv ya" before I ended a call to her.

It sounds to me by this tidbit that it's working. She's missing you, and is beginning to pursue.

In sales, one of the greatest tools is "the fear of loss". A good salesman uses it to his greatest advantage. This is where they will employ "the walkaway". You've got to employ the walkaway. And you are - and it's a scary thing to do because it could end negotiations. But at this point, it sounds as if your W is also experiencing the fear of loss.

[Ojap]

daybyday...

I'm no vet...but I agree that it sounds like she is 'missing' you. My other thought is this:

Bottom line...if she has communicated that she is 'done' with MR...and wants S...what makes her think she gets your affection after that type of communication. It may not be cake eating...but its dangerously close (if it isn't)

I say...unfortunately...stick to it bro