My wife texts me and wants me to let her claim half of the mortgage interest, taxes and insurance. I told her I paid that bill and I am not doing it. She tells me that I have been talking trash about her but everything that I have said was the truth. It's just so hard. She is 500 miles away and its hard when my only conversation with her is when she wants to be bitter and angry.
She tells me that I have been talking trash about her but everything that I have said was the truth.
What does that have to do with her claiming half the interest on the mortgage? Nothing! But she was mad about the fact you had been talking trash, and she probably wanted to punish you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
But I haven't been talking trash. If someone asked me where she was I told them she moved to Pa. to live with her mother. That is not talking trash. My daughter plays softball and all of the parents are aware of whats going on but some did not know she had left. My daughter just left for her senior trip. My wife texted me wanting to know how much money was she taking with her. I asked if she was giving her any. She asked again how much was she taking. I told her. she said that she was not going to be able to give much. I told her that I have explained to our daughter that she wasnt working and just didn't have any money. She said, She will never understand. I told her she will but you need to quit being so negative. She said that our daughter is so mad at her. I explained to her that I told her the other night that if something bad happened to her mother she did not want to have regrets about their last conversation. My wife needs conflict. She had not talked to me in several weeks and recently has tried to cause conflict. My wife also asked, If I had not asked how much money she was taking would you have told me. Why is that important to her? It's my money. If she isn't helping why does she care. My only contact with her has been to keep her up to date on our daughter, itinerary, updates on school or softball. I am trying to step away.
I think she needs to start an argument with me so that she can justify what she has done and is doing. She has never been a drama person. She is just so bitter and angry at me and when we do have contact I try to be nice and understanding.
Whereas most women would love to have an understanding H, IMHO, your actions in trying to show her your niceness and understanding....could be irritating a very sore spot for her. If you feel that you can't do anything without her resenting it, you aren't far off base.
Maybe you could try to just show her civility, when she contacts.
Resentment and bitterness is a terrible thing. It changes a person. She will have to "want" to let of it, and then she will have to actually "do it". My spiritual belief tells me that in order to let go of those feelings, I must forgive the person(s) and not permit myself to dwell on those things which brought me those feelings. I must let go of things in the past and focus on what keeps my heart free of those type of attitude sins.
She has not reached the point of wanting to let go of the resentment and bitterness. Some people say they've tried but can't forget. Others say they don't know how. But I say, they never wanted to let it go.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I am not really trying to show her understanding and niceness. I am being civil and only talk to her about our daughter unless she contacts me which is usually by text. Hope I did not make you misunderstand that sandi. This weekend I send her texts of updates on our daughters softball games. She text me back thank you after the first text then ok after the others. She told me during the summer she would like for me to text her updates. Honestly, I really don't care because she needs to wonder what she is missing but if I don't the resentment with increase. I give her very basic information. She is missing out on so much of our daughters lives.... Important parts of their lives. I agree with you that she has to be willing to let go of the anger and bitterness. I believe that there is nothing to great for God so for right now I am trying to take care of myself and younger daughter.
I guess ok Sandi. I was on vacation last week. First one without my wife. My daughter was on spring break and was playing softball so I was at the beach watching her play and then just hanging out. Our 19th anniversary was on 3/23. I have not talked to her at all. The only time I initiate contact is after a game I will text her how our daughter did and the score. She will text back thanks or thank you but I do not respond. I was gonna stop doing that after an incident we had but during my bible study I felt God tell me don't stop the updates. The incident was out of the blue she texted me about a speeding ticket our daughter had and she wanted to know if it was settled. I told her one was and one was not. She said that we did not tell her about the other ticket. I thought we did. She is living 500 miles away and we barely talk. If I was trying to hide it I would not have mentioned it. She got mad because our oldest knew about it and she says she was the last to know. I told her I wasn't gonna discuss it with her and she said, I am ready for this to be over. My youngest daughter saw my phone laying down and saw the text and really got on to my wife. Told her she has changed and she really needed her mom to take her shopping and to talk to. My daughter told her that was the devil in her talking. Their relationship is very stressed. My daughter tells me that she posted a post on social media that she was no longer broken but a wiser, stronger more beautiful women because God and put the pieces back together. I just believe that is her trying to make us believe a lie. Several of her friends have told me that she is not happy living where she is. She is just so hard hearted towards me. Today I got a separation hearing notice in the mail. It is May 31. I do not want this but I can not stop it.
My wife texted me a week or so ago and asked if I would be willing to do our tax return jointly. I told her I would do them and let her know the results and then we could make a decision. We have been texting more but really about nothing about our relationship. I have kept her informed about how my daughter and her team have done after each game. I usually just get a thank you. My 18d's boyfriend broke up with her and she was very upset. She kept saying I want my mama. I need my mama. I texted my wife and let her know that because she thinks that all my daughter thinks is that she is a bank. She didn't seemed to concerned. Just asked what she was doing at that moment.
