I slept again last night, so thankful for that. It amazes me that I even funtioned on the amount of sleep I've had in the last month.
Today, I woke up with a case of the why's? I still struggle with trying to make sense of all this stuff and the timeline.
I know I will probably never know why she left, again. Is it because she is a recovering alcoholic struggling to maintain sobriety in her own mind? Or does she really and truly not love me anymore?
I did get the ILYBINILWY when she dropped the bomb. It's funny because earlier in the day I texted her that I loved her and she responded with I LOVE YOU TOO!!! And a bunch of kissing emoticons.
It's hard to tell what's real or not. I keep replaying things, conversations, things she said in my mind and trying to reconcile them. I wonder if there were clues along the way that I missed that this was coming down the pike.
There certainly weren't any clues when we were living apart but dating and house hunting. I thought we were all set to make a run at a long future together. She was so excited as was I.
Clearly I'm not detaching and still in the obsessive stage. There are so many unknowns and that keeps me on edge.
Hang in there Thornton. Use everyday to become a little stronger and work on your detachment. We are all going to have set backs but gotta pick ourselves up and get back to work. If you obsess like I do, do your best not to let on to her that you are obsessing. Fake it till you make it! Hope you have a great day and remember to do something for yourself today.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
She has no idea how I'm feeling. I've been pitch black NC. I haven't touched Facebook in over a month so she has nothing on me.
I have an appt with IC tonight that I'm looking forward to. He was also our marriage therapist so he has an understanding of WAW. After that appt, I will go to an alanon meeting.
It just [censored] being discarded by someone I thought loved me. I've been through so much with her as she went through her crap and fought her demons. For her to leave now, after all we've been through really upsets me.
There's nothing I can do about it except keep pushing forward and that's exactly what I intend to do.
Remember this is a process, and that none of this has to do with you. You did nothing wrong.
I'm so glad to hear you're sleeping a little more now. I'm sure you don't feel normal by any stretch of the imagination, but I hope you will get there. Keep plugging along and working on yourself and I'm positive you'll be amazed when you look back at your growth.
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
I struggle with not blaming myself for this. There were times I lost my cool. There were times I should have listened better. Times when I should of relaxed.
I know it takes two to tango, but because she was the one that left, it makes me feel like most of this was my fault.
There is always enough blame to go around. At some point, it will be important for you to see what changes you could make going forward. But first you need to realize that if your wife wanted out she would have found anything at all, no matter how small, and pointed at that as the root cause of your failed marriage.
However, the ultimate fault lies not with the person you is trying to save things, but with the one who chose to walk away.
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
Felt all of those exact feeling Thorn. Waking up in the middle of the night with thoughts racing the same as yours. Have no idea how I managed to get some work done over the last two months. It's hard to believe, but one day you will wake up and she will NOT be the first thing you think about. I've wondered / waited / wished to know my timeline for that to happen, and it was much sooner that I though. Everyone is different, but I don't think about it first thing when I wake up anymore. I think about work / walking the dogs / making an awesome high protein breakfast. I still do think about my wife everyday, but not all day. When I do think of her, it is with fond memories of our marriage / hoping she's still doing great in her new career / hoping she's happy. I imagine I'll always care about her, and I enjoy seeing her / talking to her briefly every week. Starting to like this new single life though, spotted moments of loneliness here and there, but really good for the most part. I remember everyone saying it will get better, and it's hard to believe when your mind is constantly racing and you can't sleep / work / function. But yes, it really does get better.
M 43 W 45 M 10.5 T 15 S 26 D 17 (previous relationships) ILYB 12/25/15 + asks for D Confirm affair 1/10/16 W has D ready to sign, but agrees to wait for refinancing to go through (I get a house!)
