Back again after 8 years. Got the "I am not happy. I love you but not in love" talk and of course it was devastating again and brought up all the old bad memories. I got tons of useful advice from the great people here and feel like I can never get too much support. I will state that we have a 13 year old son. This time wife has said that she wants a divorce. Said she has been unhappy for years and that I hold her back from life. Said that she didnt like me, many other things. Found out that she had been going to a counselor by herself. She said it was to fix her and not the marriage. She says "I'm done" I dont want to go to counselling. She has not moved out yet. She is actively looking for a place, but money being tight...I guess I just need some advice about how to GAL. Especially when she gives me mixed signals. We still have some good times and I can still make her laugh. Just kind of at a loss. When asked why she wont try couples counsel, she says we did that before and we r right back here. I dont think we worked on the actual marriage troubles back then. Thats why nothing really got fixed. She had gone back to school so she is now working for the school district. Doesnt make much money so I will be having to help her out probably even after D if it comes to that. We have decided to have a mediator, but have only went once and no plans further. We had a long talk and she agreed to a separation to see if for sure that she wants this. How long is a good time to agree to reevaluate if she is staying or leaving? There is much more to my sitch but didnt want to overwhelm. Any help is appreciated. Thanks
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I will also add that wife has never lived on her own. Among other things it seems like it sounds attractive to her to do so. To be the working single parent gal. She has never been apart from me or our son for more than a weekend or so. With our custody verbal agreement, it would be every other week we get son for 5 days. I have resigned myself to the fact that she wants to move out on her own. She asked if I was going to help pay for place. I really have no choice as she is not actively pursuing the divorce at this time. She has made it clear that she wants one, but sends me mixed messages such as kissing me goodbye, reminisceing about some good times fondly, even when we were talking about her moving out, she asked "and date each other?" I said not necessarily. But, what if I wanted to date you? She smiled and said, "what if"?. I don't know if deep down she is waiting to see if I can indeed get my stuff together again to her satisfaction or if she is just guilty and being nice with the bad news. She is just so closed off to any thinking of making it work. She claims she has thought about our son, but I am not sure she has. I have never cheated on her or even thought about it. Very loyal, hardworking, but like anyone have faults to work on. Laziness has brought me back to loneliness again. I fear this is two strikes and she's out. She asked me " what if when we separate that I find out that I love it?" I said, "well at least I will be in a better place too" As I stated earlier, we were haaving a good time the other night, had a few beers together and were watching a moving when I noticed she was on her phone scrolling like crazy. so I asked her watch she was looking at? She said, "rentals" and then put her phone down abruptly. I thought we were enjoying each others company again but she clearly had her mind on the door. What to do next?Help.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
Yes I do. I do a much better job of it when I'm angry about the bomb drop. If I reminisce I lose it. Problem with me is that I want it fixed NOW. We all know that thats not possible. She hasnt mentioned anything about a place to move to today. I guess the fact that she doesnt seem to be in a hurry is a plus for me, but darn she sure has hardened to me. Says she is like a tree that hasnt been watered and has died and you cant revive a dead tree. I just said "you're not a tree, you can choose to fight". wrong thing to do I know but couldnt help it. I have lost 25lbs. due to cutting back and exercising that started a week before bomb. But my appetite sure has shrunk since. Sigh. I just want my wife back. Not just in body but spirit. I will do all in my power to keep our family together.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
