We have been separated 5 months. H swings from "if we divorce, let's not go to war" to "please don't see any lawyers yet." He had an affair for over a year. When I found out, told me we didn't have to rush to divorce. He met up with the OW a month later and I was ready to file, but he talked me out of it. I have been working on detachment, and have a DB coach but his indecisiveness is driving me nuts. He's in IC but won't commit to MC. We went out to eat for the first time twice last week , but he will not commit to anything else. Limbo land is killing me
Me: 50 H: 50 M: 25 T: 29 D21 S 17 BD: 9-11-15
M 25 T 29 D 22 S 18 BD 9-11-15 H says he's ambivalent about staying in the marriage
Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read. This POST is under reconstruction and we will be working on this as time goes by, this is the most current version.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.
I would not ask him/her anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H/W as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about him/her. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. Something to DO while you are on moderation. GAL. Eat, sleep, exercise and take a deep breath. In general take care of your self first. Detach the single most important thing to DO.
Your H/W has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely
One thing seems different in your station that your H does not want D
I have seem more go the other way..they are dead set on D
Maybe if you can give him a little more time to figure it out but at the same time I would watch the credit cards and begin to separate money the MLCer has a way of spending all the money..right from under our nose even though he requests no Lawyers, its always a good idea to know your rights..its empowering ..you can get information on your own without sharing it with him as hard as it is, take care of you right now..sleep rest, eat exercise stay strong and while he is figuring it all out you can begin to create a new life find new friends activities take classes hobbies whatever interests you-- gal
hand in
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Thank you. The hardest part is having good days of communication, then he goes dark for a couple of days. It's ok when I do it, but not him! ha ha. I feel like I have gotten my old self back- I've lost 40 lbs, am having fun going out but the dark cloud of divorce is always hanging over my head. How do you live with the uncertainty of not knowing when the D bomb will drop? I am working on my 5th round of surrendering.
M 25 T 29 D 22 S 18 BD 9-11-15 H says he's ambivalent about staying in the marriage
