In House S (7)

[Ojap]

Hey Vise...the text from your W's friend just proves how 'looney' she is. That $$ can replace a family is ridiculous. If W was in a sane place..she would know that.

Keep at your stuff man. Be an amazing father. I can't imagine being in your shoes (though I know it could happen soon)...I'm sure the loneliness is crushing. Take heart in the fact that you will be able to look your kids in the eye and say you gave it all you had!

Stay out from under the rock! My mom always told me that only healthy things grow in the sun...deadly things fester under rocks.

[Vapo]

Some judges would not look kindly upon a spouse leaving the marital home before legal proceedings. Ask a lawyer before you move an inch.

And I would not look too kindly at inlaws buying me out...

My 2 cents anyway...

[vise82]

Hey,

Last night we had the real estate agent over and now the house is going to be listed. We have a sign on the lawn. I thought W wanted to not have a sign and kids were there and I am saying to W that she said she didn't want a sign at first. S7 starts saying we cant sell with out a sign, and he is so excited to move. I don't think he gets what is happening fully or something. I am glad he is taking it so well but I don't understand why he is happy to move.

Its like a another kick in the teeth to have that sign up.

So I am contacting my Lawyer today to give an update and make sure what we are doing is ok.

Vapo, We both are moving out of the house and getting new places. S papers are in process but yes nothing signed yet, W lawyer is drafting it up. Seems to be taking a while.

As for the inlaws buying me out, I mentioned that to W that it feels like that, she jumped on me figuratively and defended her dad saying her just wants to help both of us equally. But the money is only there if I don't take W to court.

She is asking me if I can do a showing of the house tonight. I feel like I want to tell her to go to heck, she wanted the S she can do it. But I feel like I am past that. There is too much at stake to start that. Plus I agreed to sell the house, but I had no choice it was going to happen either now or later.

This is what I want to reply back:

I don't want to show the house but you are forcing me. is this the only thing you care about selling the house? Its like back when I owned the house with my brother and you came in to my life. We were not married yet but you wanted me to sell that house, and for what. All that came from that was I lost contact from my family, lost a lot of money, lost a lot of time spent working on that house. And for what for you to just do the same now with this house.

I know I cant send that.

What I should respond with:

OK

[otw]

I think you have two choices.

Either say you are available or you are not.

I feel you. I may have to lean towards not available, but i also know this has to happen.

is there not an agent involved? Why do you have to show the house yourself? Typically you leave and the agent does the work.

[Ojap]

Agree w/ otw. Curious why the Realtor isn't doing the showing?

Also...if you don't want to, or can't be available. Then so be it.

However, agree w/ above advice to basically keep it to 'yes' or 'no'. Think about what will be accomplished...even w/ an edited version of your initial response? May make you feel good to 'zing' her...and she prob deserves it...but won't produce any real results.

I understand the rage. I really do. So sorry you're battling

[vise82]

Hey OTW,

We are selling with out an agent, W was an agent for like two years before we had kids.

Actually I have a reason for not doing it. Guy at work is sick and I have to cover the on call as there is no one else.

W was planning to go to her weight loss club (basically a excuse for her girl friends to visit once a week). She will have to stay home to look after the kids as there is a small chance I might get called in.

Will see how that goes.

[otw]

i understand, i used to be an agent as well.

in that case she is best suited to handle this.

I would be busy. I dont think you will be the best emotionally or mood wise for the job.

just respond that you are not available for this and you ca say that you know this needs to happen, but you are not comfortable handling the showings.

no more no less.

[vise82]

hey

I got it all worked out, W will do the showing and stay home to look after the kids incase I get called in. I will clean the house before the showing.

Thanks for the great help OTW!!

[otw]

great way to handle!

[angel r]

Vise i am just reading part of your stitch and i feel for you man. It's a tough place to be in the beginning. Vapo nailed it on page 8. It truly does get better. I for one isolated myself and didnt believe i would get through with this. Until i finally accepted what is and dropped the rope , boy do i feel like i am flying. Dont get me wrong yes i still miss my w and would agree to reconciliation but at the moment i am happy alone.

But where it will get emotional it's when you drop of your kids at moms house and wont see them again for 2 weeks. When your kid hugs you and tells you "i want to go with you daddy dont leave me" ooohh man! thats when i just want to slap my w and tell her " cant you see this? cant you see the damage you are causing"?

Regarding your interaction with your W. Treat her and every conversation and txt like a business transaction and straight to the point. Let her know you mean business and you are on top of the world. HEy is her lost!!
I am going through custody battle and divorce court at the moment. And i love when W txt me dumb things that i really dont need to answer like " hey D3 is missing her head band" Well i just completely ignore those txt and i know it pisses her off. Because before i would answer in 10 sec or beg her and tell her sorry. NOt anymore buddy! Vise , it gets better brotha, hang in there you will make it. I know it.

Vapo nailed it with asking you to leave it to the man up stairs. Leave your troubles to God. Dont worry about it anymore. Ever since i did that, his comfort peace and grace has been poured over me. Blessings to you!