Had to start a new thread. Sitch is below and last was divorce papers served....still in the same house and it is not comfortable at all.
So I keep "hoping" that magic text or email comes that I really do miss you and want to make a run at this. But as the title of my new post states, Hope is not a Strategy
I actually have no strategy right now....am lost. Traveling all this week at a conference M-R and didn't see STBX since Friday when she went away and felt that maybe...just maybe...she would be like missing me.
But after talking to D on phone, it is obvious that this ship has sailed
I have tried to detach and some days it feels good and works. Other days I look at other folks with their wedding rings on and they talk about caling their wife, their kids, and I yearn for those days to be back.
How do you get past all of this? I have to be back this friday and will get the cold shoulder from the WAW and then have friends I am visiting Saturday so I don't need to be around her but dearly miss my D.
Has anyone done the last resort in such a dire situation and seen this work? My STBX is one where if she has her mind made up, she doesn't flip flop
Issues back in 2011/2012 Counseling 8/2015 ILYBNILWY I don't know what's wrong Didn't start DB'ing until too late 1/28/16 Got D papers Working on the D Still live under the same roof
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Go read the forum called "Advice from Wise DBers" at the bottom of the page.
Lots of stuff about people thinking it was dead in the water and then they did get that "call".
I successfully DB'd my walk away about 18 months ago. I thought I would never see her again but she did start coming around. Unfortunately, Im back but I was able to turn things around the first time.
I have always told myself things will get worse before any chance of better. I think you need to accept that. Unfortunately for you you don't have to have a separation before divorce is allowed. Either way the divorce Is a piece of paper. That is it.
I am in my situation and am afraid things still need to get worse. That is going to be a tough pill to swallow. But I made a decision I am in this until my heart and mind check out. I'm ready.
Think of it this way.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
thornton thanks and sorry you are back here...but glad you had a second chance and hope you work it out I will check out your recommendation
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
I But I made a decision I am in this until my heart and mind check out. I'm ready.
Think of it this way.
thanks otw. I didn't make this decision but my heart is still kind of in this and my mind is starting to check out
She made some accusations via text today that I was potentially "watching " what she was doing on her home computer as her phone/computer were acting up
To me it was a horrible text to send as I would never do this and my response was that you should never send me a text again like this as I never would do this and if you are paranoid about it, you are obviously doing something wrong which I don't care about anymore. And dont send this to me ever again
I need to stand up and not take this. She is constantly reaching out in a bad way and looking for reasons to scrap with each other or have interaction
I asked her to stop. go hire a computer guy and check things but if you need to do it, look in the mirror as you are up to somehting which is probably an EA.
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
She apologized via text for the accusations and then went on and on in an email about planning this weekend for our D and a trip and then I should be doing this and that....then a vacation she needs from all this stress etc....
She goes from accuasations of me spying to friendly let's take care of our daughter banter like we are buddies. I can't take this....
How best for those that have done this to do a 180?
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
[quote=rich4j To me it was a horrible text to send as I would never do this and my response was that you should never send me a text again like this as I never would do this and if you are paranoid about it, you are obviously doing something wrong which I don't care about anymore. And dont send this to me ever again
I asked her to stop. go hire a computer guy and check things but if you need to do it, look in the mirror as you are up to somehting which is probably an EA. [/quote]
Why do you feel the need to defend yourself? Don't solve her problems. Don't accuse or judge.
Just say "I'm sorry you are having computer troubles; I haven't touched it."
Rich, Less is more most of the time. It's often hard for us not to say more but they aren't hearing it anyway or they will turn what we say into something it's not.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
She apologized via text for the accusations and then went on and on in an email about planning this weekend for our D and a trip and then I should be doing this and that....then a vacation she needs from all this stress etc....
She goes from accuasations of me spying to friendly let's take care of our daughter banter like we are buddies. I can't take this....
How best for those that have done this to do a 180?
Does she have a history of BPD? This type of behavior is an indicator of at least mild BPD. Weird mood swings. Changing gears suddenly.
