surrealism is not my style

[ciluzen]

Here's my new thread, but I don't have much to say right now. I'm starting to feel the slow burn of anger peeking through the despair...I thought it was gone.

[ciluzen]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...;gonew=1#UNREAD

old thread^

[mm2bs]

Ciluzen I'm so sorry to hear of this new development. I know the feeling of being served well. It stinks...no way around it, but as many here say, what really has changed other than some legal stuff? I was served a few months ago, so I have had some time to process. I've realized if this is not what I want then I need to keep moving forward working on myself and that's all I can do.
What your H said to you about you being happier without him is something I could definitely see my H saying. He has continually told me he knows this is all his fault and that I'm better off without him. As much as I wish I could say or do something to change his mind I know I cant.
All you can do is keep moving forward. Until your H realizes he is not the cause of your "unhappiness" (and someday he will) there isn't much else you can do but keep going.

[isittoolate]

Hi Cil - I'm really sorry for your bad news. Your H's logic is all screwed up.

W appears happier now we are separated....I know lets file for D, that will help her even more.?


Anyway, I know some of the pain you are going through as I got my papers last night. In the UK one of the grounds for D is Unreasonable Behaviour, and the lawyers just make stuff up, or exaggerate, or lie, about all perceived grievances throughout the marriage.

It even said stuff like I didn't do the housework when she was pregnant and afterwards when she had post natal depression - a total fabrication.

I know it's the lawyers job to make this [censored] up but it still hurts to my very core to see it on official documents.

Hugs to you Cilizen

[ciluzen]

Well. I've tried to let this sink in the last few days.

H called to warn me the papers were coming the night before. I did not DB. I was a mess...so was he. We also talked the night I received them.

And then last night I had to ask him a question about mediation, because my research and his explanation fit, but what his L explained to me did not line up with what he wanted or had explained. What his L told me seemed designed to have me L up for mediation, when H had asked for a mediator to NOT have to have two L draw it out. I told H it seemed like she was trying to mess with us. He agreed. I suggested we call the mediator on our own. We'll see. We both agreed...we hate Ls.

[ciluzen]

mm and iisit,
Thank you for hugs and kind words, and ideas.

I have been a mess and my H and I have had too much talking and phone calls since his filing. I went back to trying to convince him to work on our marriage. He continues to tell me I don't like him and that he made me miserable.

He has also been a mess...I know he's sad about this too, just sees no other way. He even mentioned thinking of asking me to dinner. I even found out that he and Bubbles family ARE going on a ski trip now, to the same exact resort that MY trip is to. Can't get away.

It may be past the point of no return, but I'm going as dark as I can. My health and sanity requires it.

[rich4j]

It may be past the point of no return, but I'm going as dark as I can. My health and sanity requires it.

Hang in there. It seems the season to be served with D papers as a few on your posts have as well as I was served last week

Punch in the gut...reality check....OMG...this is real.....my heart hearts and feel like I am going to puke

But nothing you can do but continue to do what you are doing. I am trying to stay cool, let the process work itself out, and not seem desperate. I know it is hard but I wish you the best and hope somewhere he realizes its he that needs to also fix himself to be happy

[JellyB]

Cil

Just popping by to check in. I have been caught up in my own navel gazing so sorry to disappear.

H needs to see your behaviour as the key to the divorce right now. Mr Ex said the same thing when he ended our relationship, he stated "there is something about me that makes you really unhappy". He was right in some ways. I was frustrated as, by him making unilateral decisions about our relationship. Ironic huh!


H behaviour is a series of mixed signals and extreme actions. He has no idea want her wants. Just because the papers were served and file, means little. It really is just another stage of this DBing process.

Step back, as you say with your trip as best you can and get out of H drama. It will suck you in like a black hole. Remember you have a plan and you were rocking it. Go back to what you know how to do. You know how to be amazing Cil.

Personally I think you have really confused him by all the changes and his head is spinning. Let him spin, it will stop. Slow the process down if you get any opportunities. Ask for time to think, consider, ponder without appearing to be stalling the process. Ask for his patience while you get your head around things.

Some other more experienced DBer's would be better to advise, but get some legal advice separate for yourself. Cover your bases in case mediation turns pear shaped.

Hang in there Cil. You have been a a great DBer, go back to what you know.

I keeping popping by. Lots of love Cil

Jellyxxx

[ciluzen]

Cil

Just popping by to check in. I have been caught up in my own navel gazing so sorry to disappear.

Hi, JB! Thanks for visiting...I've missed you! We all need to navel-gaze, once in awhile.

H needs to see your behaviour as the key to the divorce right now. Mr Ex said the same thing when he ended our relationship, he stated "there is something about me that makes you really unhappy". He was right in some ways. I was frustrated as, by him making unilateral decisions about our relationship. Ironic huh!

Extremely ironic. I was only upset at H AFTER he started to pull away and paid more attention to Bubbles than me. But I can't think of anything I didn't like about him before that...and H says I hadn't liked him in years (last talk it was 20 years...it keeps growing). He has yet to tell me what about me I would need to change, even though he keeps saying "do you want a list?" Last R talk I said yes. He complained that I put kale in things. When I told him I never heard him say he didn't like it, he said that that would be mean. Note to self, no kale.

H behaviour is a series of mixed signals and extreme actions. He has no idea want her wants. Just because the papers were served and file, means little. It really is just another stage of this DBing process.

I see this. I have taken a few deep breaths and am plunging ahead again.
I am working on finding a lawyer this week.
H just left a few minutes ago after surprising me with a call to see if I was home. He wanted to pick up his mail and was surprised there was so much. Mentioned that maybe he should call some of the places to change his address. I said it won't be delivered here pretty soon anyway...it didn't even phase him. He just said, "true".
He was his happy, charming self and seemed in a bit of a hurry. But he wanted to throw some small talk about his day in. I was upbeat but vague. Made eye contact but looked busy. I did ok.

Step back, as you say with your trip as best you can and get out of H drama. It will suck you in like a black hole. Remember you have a plan and you were rocking it. Go back to what you know how to do. You know how to be amazing Cil.

Thanks, JB. I need to try.

Personally I think you have really confused him by all the changes and his head is spinning. Let him spin, it will stop. Slow the process down if you get any opportunities. Ask for time to think, consider, ponder without appearing to be stalling the process. Ask for his patience while you get your head around things.

Some other more experienced DBer's would be better to advise, but get some legal advice separate for yourself. Cover your bases in case mediation turns pear shaped.

Working on it.

Hang in there Cil. You have been a a great DBer, go back to what you know.

Trying to go dark. Tonight I was surprised, but fine. Not to much cycling of emotions. I'm ok.

I keeping popping by. Lots of love Cil

Jellyxxx

[ciluzen]

Interviewing two L today. Wish me luck in finding one I'm comfortable with. I still would rather just go through mediation with no L, as would H, but I need to be prepared and I'm trying not to initiate any contact right now. Ugh.