Focus. You set the pace here. If you want his things out so you can move on, do it asap but if you are happy taking your time, do that. Don't dance to his tune. Make any communication friendly and upbeat but you keep control. How is being off work? Are you making it work for you or is it giving you more time to dwell on things? I find working is when I'm happiest and feel most in control but every one is different. Keep going, although you have some down days you also have made fantastic progress.
Thank you Scrant. I'm trying so hard to keep moving forwards.
I'm enjoying being off work, to be honest. I was working flat out in December for 5 weeks, with only two days off, so to have some time to myself now is good. Plus I don't have to face the possibility of unexpected questions at work.
Tonight I bumped into a friend/work colleague of mine, who also works in the same industry as H.
She's someone I trust, and had been talking to her as things first started happening, back in October. I hadn't seen her for about 6 weeks, so I was telling her what had happened more recently.
She mentioned that she had seen him in passing recently, and that he looked absolutely dreadful.
I didn't ask where she was when she saw him, what day it was, what time of day it was, or in what way he looked dreadful. I just let that comment go past.
I'm not sure how I feel about knowing this though. Part of me feels so sorry for him, and part of me doesn't even recognise who he has become any more (he was always someone who was full of life, and had a spark about him). I don't know. I feel like I might be faring better that he is in this whole thing, even though it was his doing.
I'm happy to hear that, focus. It gets easier as time passes - but you'll still have triggers. It's perfectly normal and completely human - just shows you have feelings, and that you care.
You really deserved some peace and quiet. I'm happy you got it.
I'm trying to catch up with a little of my own work today, doing my accounts, answering the emails that have built up.
I think I must be pretty stressed...I'm feeling a little overwhelmed just doing those very simple things. I think I would have found it easier to stay at home and tidy up a bit. I'm finding that very relaxing and therapeutic at the moment.
Determined to keep GAL up and not sink into tiredness and depression. So I've emailed a couple of pals. Planning a couple of very low key coffees over the next week or so. I reckon that will give me a few things to look forward to
I have been finding doing something, anything to be therapeutic. Cleaning up has helped, although I am not super motivated to deep clean just keeping things tidy helps my mindset.
Me:34 W:33 R: 15 years M: 7 years W moved out: 11/21/15 BD: 11/20/15 - ILYBINILWY, PA once LRT: 12/14/15
same here Focus I hope it gets better for you soon. Keep updating please.
M 43 W 45 M 10.5 T 15 S 26 D 17 (previous relationships) ILYB 12/25/15 + asks for D Confirm affair 1/10/16 W has D ready to sign, but agrees to wait for refinancing to go through (I get a house!)
Well, my darling - if you makes you feel any better...I'm seeing this all over the boards today. There must be something in the air.
I've been struggling today, too. No tears, so I feel like I'm gaining ground, but really lonely and sad. It always helps me to go post on other's threads. A lot of the time, when you're not directly in the situation - you can see something a person might be overlooking.
One thing that always works for me is putting a time-limit on how long I'm going to allow myself to be certain way. Say I'm sad? I'll let myself cry for 20-30 minutes, tops. Get it all out. At the end of that time, I dry my tears, get up, and go take a walk or do something else I enjoy.
It's important to allow yourself to feel, while not allowing yourself to completely be consumed by a feeling. This takes a bit of practice, but it is very helpful.
Is there something you want to talk about? Or are you just blue due to the circumstances?
How is it that whenever I'm managing to pick myself up, my H will crop up again?
I know, I know...I'm sounding like a victim saying that. I'm the one who is in control (I should be telling myself).
Last night I walked home. It was an hour's walk and a nice cold, crisp evening. I had a chat with a friend who is having a hard time as well. I came to understand that I don't have any spare energy or headspace to help other people at the moment.
I only managed four hours sleep.
Still, I was determined to make today a better day. My day was starting very slowly, but I was doing stuff towards making it better.
And then he texted again *sigh*
Text sounded very stilted. He wants more of his clothes and says that his mum can collect them this week or next, but there's no deadline.
He also said that the friend and colleague of his I'd bumped into on a GAL night out had mentioned to him that she'd seen me. Also that I looked really well.
Anyway, I'm super busy over the next few weeks. I have my tax return to submit, and my own business to get back to running. I don't really have time to sort any more of his stuff for now. And I don't feel like I have the energy either, I feel totally drained.
I'm going to leave it for a couple of days before I answer. I'm thinking maybe something along the lines of (paraphrasing): 'Hello. Yes, I bumped into A a couple of Sundays ago. It was nice to see her and catch up briefly. Unfortunately I'm afraid I don't have much time at the moment - this is a very busy time of year! But I will try and sort things when I can and let you know.'
I know this is a super high pressure time for him, with various personal and professional things all happening within a really short space of time. I always had a feeling he'd be passing that pressure on to me.
Tbh, I'm at a total loss. I'm feeling a bit trapped. And that makes me feel like a victim, which I don't like being.
I hope it gets better for you soon. Keep updating please.