I am currently going through a separation with my Husband of 7 years. We have 2 children together and my world has been turned upside down since he told me he wants a divorce. I see him daily and we talk and are getting along. He has told me however that he has shut the door on any hope that him and I will reconcile and his focus right now is the kids and his happiness and to be a friend to me. He says he plans on moving out eventually. In the meantime he still sleeps at home most nights as I work nights. He also stays overnight if I'm out or if it's convenient for him. We are helping eachother financially at this time. I'm confused because his actions are conflicting to what he says he wants. The other day he surprised me with headphones for my workouts, he makes dinner, and is overall still concerned about my well being.
Yesterday he reached out when I was in bed and get me a hug. I have been applying the last resort techniques but today I was feeling so terrible and decided to check in with him about where he's at. He told me nothing has changed for him and that he didn't want to talk about it anymore. I'm devastated and feel crushed..... what do I do now? I feel all that hard work I put in to being strong and moving on with my life has been for nothing. It has only been 3 weeks since separation. Am I expecting results too quickly? Is there still hope? Pleeeease help. I want so desperately to keep our family together... what steps do I take next???
Last edited by Cadet; 01/13/1605:23 PM. Reason: Carriage returns for readability
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Hi, sorry for you to be here. All this happened only 3 weeks ago, don't give up hope, and don't put too much pressure on you. I'm nearly a year since I discover about OW and you'll need time to think logically. As Cadet said TIME is a precious thing, so use it on you.
He wants a divorce, is still back and forth from home to friends house. Very involved in kids life, being friendly and supportive towards me bu he says he is 100 percent done with us. I make double his income and I'm wondering if I should set some boundaries. His truck is insured under my name as his insurance would be 3 times the am if it were under his name. He is asking me to continue insuring the vehicle. I don't want to feel used at the same time I don't want to be vindictive and push him away... thoughts?
Hi I am rather new here too and experiencing something similar in the "I want to be friends" type of approach by my W
I have been accomodating and am taking her friendliness and desire to engage the wrong way. As hints of we can make it, we can reconcile, we can we can...
It's all just for her to feel better about the horrible decision and selfish path she is going down. I actually feel bad for her and she is so confused and hurt. I own some of that...
Try to read up and take the advice of others here...some of it is awesome. For me it is counter-intuitive to winning back your spouse but what is the alternative? For some it seems this has worked.
I ordered the book and will read it quickly so I would do the same. Anything can help and I look at it as "its going to be a better place than where you are at now??" right ?? I feel for you and hope you can make things better if that is what you want...
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
There is actually much that can be done! It sounds like your husband is cake eating. Boundaries would be good, but be very cautious in how you establish them.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
I tried to go dark when husband was being all cupbeat and chatty with me by one word answer and went upstairs to bedroom and watched a movie with the kids. He told our son to tell me he's gone out... I'm upset he didn't tell me as its dinner soon and I'm wondering of I messed up by blowing him off? At one point today he asked if I was ok and what was wrong.
Husband who told me 3 weeks ago that he wants a divorce and there is no changing his mind wants to be friends. We have children together and he is back and forth from home to friends houses. He is still very friendly, engages in chatting, jokes around, cooks and cleans, offers to make me breakfast, cares for me when I'm sick... so I got hopeful and made the mistake of asking him if he was having a change of heart...he said no. So today I tried going dark... well it seems he's pulled back too...asked if there was something g wrong and he's been colder. Did I jump the gun on the going dark method? Should I be a friend back to him? I'm soooo confused
