I really don't think she's after money. She has her own business and owns a house. She's probably better off than us. But I guess my H is worried that now he'll need plane tickets to see his D and plane tickets to see his girlfriend. That could get expensive, haha.
GMUM
I think you mentioned the OW is getting (or is already) divorced. Your H is getting plenty of advice from her, essentially free legal advice. I can almost guarantee you that he understands what you are legally entitled too and he is doing his best to make sure you don't know that. And also to make sure you don't get it.
With temporary orders, you would have likely been allowed to stay where you are currently living.
You said yourself that your boundary keeps moving with your H.
What is your thought on spousal support? You said you won't let him give you less child support, what about spousal?
In most states, child support is actually regulated by the state because it is for the child. If he thinks that the amount is optional, you have a problem (well, he does). But if you are overseas I am very concerned that you are vulnerable unless you have the proper protections placed in the decree.
Also, an OW who is (or has already) gone through a divorce is busy giving your H free legal advice (since she has or likely is paying an attorney). You are very trusting. I suspect that your H knows exactly what he is doing, the pushing you out of the country, the trying to get you to settle.
You have done him a huge favor by not filing for temporary support. Had you done this the court would had likely ordered him to protect the status quo, your current living situation, etc.
And what if he stops paying on the new place because he doesn't like the terms you ask for in the divorce? You really need to think of your daughter. I know you think your H has her best interest at heart and possibly yours, but the forcing you out of the country makes me very uncomfortable for both of you.
I don't know what to tell you. I just can't fathom that he could be capable of all that stuff. I know he would never stop paying rent on the place, it's in his name and he has been working hard trying to get his credit up. He will also be moving in after we move overseas.
I already to him I'm entitled to 17% of his income in child support but we don't know how much spousal. He is of course looking to reduce those amounts. He said that the amounts should be based on standard of living where we are going overseas, not standard of living where we are now. I almost fell for that one too until a friend of mine pointed out that it's not based on standard of living, it's a percentage of his income. He's not getting away with less than 17% unless I agree to it. And I won't.
So he won't stop paying rent (unless he does). Does his business have a physical presence in the city you are in now -- ie rented office space, etc or is it run virtually. If virtual, he can work anywhere right? What is to stop him from deciding to move in with the OW?
I realize I am pretty harsh, but I think you are very vulnerable. And once you are overseas, he holds all the power because he is here and you are not. I know you can't imagine him doing X or Y, but you are doing nothing to protect yourself.
What if he decides to seek a change in the parenting plan here, while you are there. You need so much documentation to make sure it is clear that he gives you permission to move overseas. I also think you ought to have geographic freedom to move whereever, but you need an attorney to write up those agreements.
And this OW or another woman could easily convince to behave differently. Please think of the worse case scenarios and do what you can to protect yourself.
At a minimum, you ought to consult with at attorney before you sign anything.
You are not being too harsh. You bring up important points and I appreciate it very much. I already consulted with a lawyer and if my H continues to be a jerk about money, I will hire the lawyer. If he starts to co-operate and we move forward with the mediator, I have ZERO intentions of signing anything until said lawyer has reviewed it. I will get everything in writing. My ex will of course have visitation, but I get full physical custody. Unfortunately I was at one point dumb enough to tell him that you can have shared legal custody with one parent (me) as the tiebreaker. Now he wants that.
You brought up an important point re the OW giving him legal advice. I don't know if her and her ex have started the process yet, but it's a possibility.
You guys have all made great point that it's my right and duty to protect myself and D. It's just very hard to do without coming across as greedy and vindictive. I feel like there's no situation where I come out with everything I'm entitles to and with a little dignity.
My ex's mother is coming to help me move in a few weeks. We have a good relationship, but of course blood is thicker than water. Haven't heard anything from our mutual friends either. Wonder if they think divorce is contagious. Ha!
Gmum, has your L given you advice on what you're entitled to?
In D matters, you must not give your stbx the benefit of the doubt. This is not the time to take the high road. You have a young D who is dependent on you. Get what you're entitled to.
You and D have a long way ahead of you. Don't go soft on your H!
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
