I know you want Sandi to review your sich. However I caution you to be careful what you wish for. It is possible that you will scare off other posters and possibly miss some valuable advice. And dare I say maybe you are scaring off your wife somehow.
I will give you some other advice about posting
To get more replies my suggestion is to ask questions. Put you post down in a readable fashion. (not one big block of type- ie hit carriage return frequently). KISS = Keep it simple stupid Post on other peoples threads and give them support. You may not think you are qualified but you will be surprised that you may know something or have some knowledge of something that others know nothing about. Personally thank each poster that does post on your thread or ask them a follow up question.
As I'm reading a lot of these situations and I notice that there are a lot of wives on here that are open about their friendships and talk to their husbands about the OM.
For the VETS: From experience and reading, what do you see or what trends have you noticed between a WW who shares this information openly or a WW who states just friends when the name comes up and never mentions anything about the OM to H?
Maybe there is nothing, maybe there is...Could be that my wife doesn't want to look like the bad guy in the marriage but it will be inevitable if she has a BF and its the same guy who was just a 'friend"? Just really curious is anyone has saw different trends in situations where the wife is open about the OM or keeps the OM a secret from EVERYONE...thoughts?
From experience and reading, what do you see or what trends have you noticed between a WW who shares this information openly or a WW who states just friends when the name comes up and never mentions anything about the OM to H?
I am not sure that is something that really matters.
I guess if your teenage child lied to you, or openly told you what they did wrong when you were not watching, would that make a difference?
For the VETS: From experience and reading, what do you see or what trends have you noticed between a WW who shares this information openly or a WW who states just friends when the name comes up and never mentions anything about the OM to H?
I think that it doesnt matter what kind of relationship the WS and the AP have - it's more or less doomed to fail from the beginning. The successful DBing is about the LBS. The more you worry about their relationship, the worse chance you have of the WS returning.
This is not a process of waiting around for the WS to come back. This is about becoming a person the WS would WANT to come back TO.
You cant beat the AP at their game; any effort to try is wasted.
This is not a process of waiting around for the WS to come back. This is about becoming a person the WS would WANT to come back TO.
You cant beat the AP at their game; any effort to try is wasted.
This first sentence alone puts things in perspective for me and probably a lot of DBer's. We always feel in limbo or like we are playing the waiting game; we need to change our mindset and not put our lives on hold and become the person you know you can be by being present, validating when appropriate, and ending all pursuit. Thanks Azzork.
About your second sentence, I'm not sure I understand that one. I think I read on here that you can be the OM to the OM??? For me, that statement helps me because now I can change my mindset from my wife being my wife to just her being an attractive woman I'd love to flirt with and get to know better. She's my wife but she's "off limits" to me kind of thing...make sense?
You cant beat the AP at their game; any effort to try is wasted.
About your second sentence, I'm not sure I understand that one. I think I read on here that you can be the OM to the OM??? For me, that statement helps me because now I can change my mindset from my wife being my wife to just her being an attractive woman I'd love to flirt with and get to know better. She's my wife but she's "off limits" to me kind of thing...make sense?
Why do you want to be any kind of OM? You want to be someone worthy of being an H. You want to be a man only a fool would leave. Not a snake preying on other people's relationships.
You need to emotionally walk away from the situation and become that person. To compete with the OM for your W's affection is a total waste; you wont win. He is below you and not worth competing with; she wont come back to you until she realizes that.
You cant beat the AP at their game; any effort to try is wasted.
About your second sentence, I'm not sure I understand that one. I think I read on here that you can be the OM to the OM??? For me, that statement helps me because now I can change my mindset from my wife being my wife to just her being an attractive woman I'd love to flirt with and get to know better. She's my wife but she's "off limits" to me kind of thing...make sense?
Why do you want to be any kind of OM? You want to be someone worthy of being an H. You want to be a man only a fool would leave. Not a snake preying on other people's relationships.
You need to emotionally walk away from the situation and become that person. To compete with the OM for your W's affection is a total waste; you wont win. He is below you and not worth competing with; she wont come back to you until she realizes that.
25yearsmlc ...if you are out there, I would love to hear your opinion in my situation. I think I'm finally on the right path after 18 months...I appreciate your directness that you provide to other people.
Thoughts from anyone else are appreciated as well. Thank you in advance for your time on reading and replying to my posts. It is greatly appreciated.
