Here I am still

[kyrie]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...056#Post2638056

Not looking forward to tonight, when he gets back. I pick him up at the airport in a little while. He's probably expecting sex, with me initiating.

[Cristy]

Hello Kyrie,

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in!

On your previous thread you asked, "Would a DB coach be able to deal with this kind of craptacular mess?" YES!!! I have a DB Coach in mind for you that would be enormously helpful. I am in the office for another 30 minutes today and I'll be back again at 8am mountain time on Tuesday.

Thank you Zues and Jelly for suggesting Kyrie speak with a DB Coach.

It is easy to be conflicted when you have so many emotions and thoughts going through your head!

Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[kyrie]

Good morning Cristy,
I don't have a smartphone so I missed this. I can only get online in bits & pieces, or while at work sometimes.
I'll see if I can call today.
Last night was an amazing craptacular event. Let's just say I did everything wrong and leave it there.

[trumpet]

Kyrie,

Forgive yourself. If you can journal what happened, you might find that useful. Many of us here do.

We also can give some insight into how to approach things better next time.

We care about your sitch.

[kyrie]

Thanks Trumpet. I care more about his forgiveness, which is impossible right now.
It's all so toxic. It's all the same merry-go-round.

[tfish08]

You are being too hard on yourself. We all slip and mess up. Forgive yourself and let it go. don't give it space in your head.

[kyrie]

I'll never hear the end of it.

[ARose]

Kyrie, I don't know what you did but I still hear about things from 13-15 years ago. It is awful. I wish you the best. Hopefully the DB coach will have some guidance for you.

Are you ok? Once again I am wishing for a chat feature so people could talk without it being posted online! Never going to happen, is it?

[tfish08]

That is his issue. You reflect on it...figure out what you could have done instead..forgive yourself..let it go...and learn from it.

[kyrie]

Remember, he's a pastor, so he can "hold it against me" individually, and as a church leader.
Quickly - I didn't validate, I returned fire, identifying that he was doing the same crap to me that he hates me doing. Was aggressive, loud, walked off, came back and fired again.
Also tried, in the beginning, to just be 'affectionate' - pursued.
And then this morning I tried to "own" my own crap, my own part in it and apologize. That's probably not wrong.

Not ok, but not suicidal. Hoping to just get through today and find some way to call the coaching thing. It's been far too long.
Cristy - can you email me??