dday, rebuilding

[dday]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2635028&page=1

Here's to some optimism. Time to rebuild my life without STBX. She is free to rejoin it when she is ready to do the work.

[JksD]

Hi hi! You keep on working on the great guy that you are.

You are already killing it with your empathy and validation. Now which sane woman doesn't want empathy?

[Ancaire]

Hi, D. Found the new thread. I just want to point out that Mutation praised me on your last thread. ME! He believes I've done well.

Don't want that to get lost! LOL

[JksD]

Lol!

[dday]

Lol Ancaire, you are doing fine. We will all be great, hopefully soon!

Thanks grl. I appreciate it. That's the goal!

Now then, yesterday at lunch time, STBX texted me about some random website. Boys had me pick her out stuff for a stocking, so I got chocolates she likes and a local wine I thought she would like (under 10 bucks total, nothing big). Boys told me that she took it to her mom's and they drank it. W later dropped off the boys, and put a couple gifts from the inlaws in my car. Wished me a merry christmas. 10 minutes later she texts me again.

Remember, small town... so W close mom-friend told my family that she has noticed the big changes in her over the summer too. That makes everyone in our clique that has told me or my family that. And s4 nursery school teacher is friends with my cousin. Teacher said that she is tired of my W attitude that she has had for this school year. One of her coworkers has mentioned it. One of my coworkers told me he went to her business and she appeared very fake.

None of this amounts to a hill of beans, unless she notices everyone treating her differently and it causes her to wake up. I'm not holding my breath there. Another one of her mom - friends sent me a FB request. I am pretty sure she has lost all of her support in the community, except that of her boss. Her mess, not mine. I have more people than ever talking to me and reaching out to me.

[Ancaire]

That is odd. I wonder if she's defensive about her position, so she's coming off as aloof, when she used to be quite warm and friendly? You've said, too, that her entire personality changed. Is it different around the boys, too?

[dday]

The boys say that I am the fun one now, and that they want to be with me more. Not sure if that means anything either.

I have heard that she is acting over the top happy and that fits with what I have seen on her being excited about this d. Over compensating for the loss? Who knows

[dday]

As it is nearly the end of this year, one that I haven't exactly enjoyed and am happy to put behind me, I am doing some reflecting.

October 2014, W and I had an argument that led to my starting to take AD. They helped me to improve my mood and outlook, and that allowed me to cut down on drinking. I would drink 3 to 5 beers a night, and it was affecting our relationship.

February 2015, W tells me that she doesn't love me anymore. We had been remodeling and travel ball parents for the last 2 years. Basically we lost "us". Tried mc... at least W attended it with me while I tried. Hers was a half-hearted attempt at best. She had already checked out. She faked trying until memorial day.

June 2015 I was asked to go stay at my sisters for a couple weeks. Which turned to 3 months. At which point I rented my own place.

September 2015 W filed for D. Didn't push for anything more than a legal seperation until the end of November. By Christmas we have signed and are waiting on the judge to sign off.

My issues:

Depression- addressed and medicated, ic

Alcohol- addressed and only a social drinker at most now

R with kids- much healthier and stringer now

Hermit- I don't spend time alone unless it's unavoidable. Accepting nearly all invites.

CD- I do everything by myself, for myself and realize that I am responsible for me, my feelings, and my r with others

Feelings- I would always bottle things up. I feel secure in talking about my feelings now. Seeing ic.

_________________________

I am far from perfect, but I am someone only a fool would leave. W hasn't addressed her issues at all yet. I sure hope she does for everyone's sake. I hope one day she realizes that we had something special, and it could be great again. But, I can't wait around on that. Time to live for myself and the boys.

Thanks everyone that helped me get this far! I feel like I have worked through the roughest parts of me. Time to start polishing now!

[JksD]

A dad who loves and has fun with his kids is a very attractive dad.


Seems like you've come a long way!

[dday]

Thanks grl.
I do have a much better r with them. When they are with me, they sleep on me. Literally, my 4yr old lays on my chest and starts snoring and the other 2 take an arm. Doesn't matter where I go, they wake up and come lay with me. Love, fear of abandonment, something else?

I didn't make time for them in the past enough. I was always busy working on the house or a car or something. (Those really were my hobbies too). We did play ball and fish though. Now, I am removed from all my hobbies and our shared interests. So, it's video games and helping cook and reading. It's winter here and my house is little and the yard is even smaller.

So, if there is a silver lining to this horrible sitch, it is that I am much closer to my boys than ever. They talk to me about things that they don't want to talk to stbx about. That gives me a little pride that they feel so
comfortable with me.

I have came a long way this year. A very painful growing season. I hope that in the end it is all worth it.

________________________

I have noticed that W doesn't contact me much if she has the boys. When I do, she always seems to have a need to contact me. Does she sense that I am really struggling to let go?


______________________________________

I am going to pursue my first date post d papers. I think it would be nice to go have fun, meet new people, and it could be a huge confidence boost too. Help me to gain some traction on moving forward. Add some excitement and variety to my life. I may find out that I am not ready, but maybe I am.