Mona, all your friends here are saying the same thing, do not bail him out. If it was anyone else, you would be saying the same thing, do not bail him out.
After what you just revealed I'm surprised your not sending "the boys" to kneecap him. Your husband has more nerve then a bad tooth.
Your are a great woman and treated your husband well. Forgive me Mona but your husband is a fool. If I was him I would eat a mile of your sh!t to kiss you a$$. I'll say it again, he is a fool. Be strong
Mona, Your h doesn't respect you as a wife, companion, and/or lover. Take back your respect and DO NOT BAIL HIM OUT! They love to play the "poor me" card so that you'll pay for stuff and trust me, if he goes hungry enough, he'll spend his money. As for the Christmas gifts, he's have a year to put some money aside for gifts from him to his children. I hope he watched Scrooge and the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future visit him!
Keep the focus on you and your family. Stop worrying about him. He's a grown man and he'll figure it out even if he has to go to a soup kitchen.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I know my last thread filled up so fast because I am abusing the board today. Luckily for everyone I will be away from any keyboard in 20 minutes
I did not cave. I am not close to caving now. I still cant promise I will not give in. I am shaky about my resolve. In no way am I perfect. The biggest issue is that I love that man. He is my kryptonite. My heroine. The only reason I get so angry with him is because I love him and he is not this person. He was flirty and fun and very very attentive.
He gave me great compliments.
Now he has no present for his kids. In my mind I see his sad puppy dog eyes. I want to hold him and tell him everything will be Okay. I will fix everything. He does not have to worry or be sad. I want to do the things I know he loves to relax him and make him smile and laugh again.
I want to hear him say those other words to me, one last time.
I have not allowed these thoughts near my frontal cortex in a while. But that is why today is so hard. Because above all, this is what I want the most.
My PMA is way up. I am not sad or depressed in the slightest. Just like i can describe how I want a cruise to the Bahamas without falling into a severe depression because I am not on one, I am able to say that I want my H back without feeling a ton of pain. It is just a fact still. I am not at a point where I do not want this.
I will make it through the rest of the night without caving because I am dead busy. However, right now I am only battling my thoughts. If jerkface sends me a text message and starts asking for help, I PROMISE, I will post here before doing anything. PERIOD.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Hi Mona! I'm here to reinforce your determination to NOT save H this time. I know it's hard, believe me. I understand what it's like to love someone who is absolutely toxic for you right now.
You said it best when you stated you were giving him the gift of self-respect. Some people get so used to using others, they forget that they are perfectly capable of doing things for themselves. Your H is one of those. Help him by NOT helping him. He needs to remember HIS role as dad. That's his job, not yours.
I know you worry about your kids, but don't. Do as job suggested and let them know about Dad's circumstances. You can pave the way for a fun Christmas without completely rushing in to save the day. Your kids will be fine. I think he needs to feel the burn of reality. I didn't offer to help H shop for our kids, although it's been my job for the past 21 years. Why would I? He left us. He needs to remember how to be a dad all by himself. I never forgot how to be a mom. Did you?
Thanks Judy!! I tried to forget, but there are so many kids underfoot!
My H texted me this morning.
H: Yes. I will pick them up and take them home.
Me: You are the best!
Me: (Immediately after I sent the last text) OK, have a good day
H: Thx you too
I am not out of the woods yet, but I think the worst is over. Because I told the kids last night. I was only going to tell them that he got them no gifts, not that he was not going to see them, but I spoke to it with my S's IC last night and he suggested I warn the kids about both.
So I told the kids that H is struggling financially and was not able to get them any presents. I said he feels so bad that he might not even come over, but that does not mean he does not love them.
So, of course, he tells me he is coming...
But listen to what my D15 said yesterday.
I was talking to them about their father and I said that even though all of this is happening, I dont ever want them to think for a second that they are unloved or unwanted. I asked , "What would I have to do on Christmas day to make you feel unloved and unwanted?"
Immediately she answered "You got me no presents" (This I expected her to say) "And you spent no time with me"(Wow... that was the hard part.)
I can explain away him not getting presents, but not even seeing them would have been a harder sell. I said he felt really ashamed about the presents. I asked them if they thought they did something really bad to someone else, wouldn't it be very hard to see that person? They said yes. I told them he is in a crisis right now and he has trouble doing normal things and very hard things are impossible for him right now. But he still loves them very much.
But enough about him...
Tomorrow is Christmas! It will be bitter sweet to everyone here. It will be a hard day to get through, no matter who you are or how detached you think you are.
I am so excited to get out of town and spend some time with Chris and forget all about real life for Christmas. 9 times out of 10 I will pick excited over in pain any day So my PMA is flying right now. He barely said 2 words to me all week. I will ask him why tomorrow. I sent him a text last night and he answered, but only briefly. But, it is nice that he is a man of few words, because I can keep the R friendly, but at arms length easier this way.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
It is Stitches by Shawn Mendes But I think there are 2 different videos for this song, one with a girl and one with Shawn. The link above is the one with Shawn.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
