Since moving her in with him, after only 2 weeks, he has cut all contact with us. He got a new phone and changed his number. I guess he got mad because I refused to let our daughter go up there because she moved in. He didnt even know much about her and moved her right on in.
So now he has the younger woman, a sports car, has been dressing kinda youngish, and no telling what else goes on.
He emailed me tonight. I guess thats how we are gonna communicate now. Him - I am coming on Christmas Eve to give the kids their presents. Me -okay that's fine just let me know before you head down this way so we can be home. Him - im coming by myself so be home. Me - well i just need you to at least let me know when you are heading this way or at least a time frame so we can be home. We have things to do that day. Him - You can do what you wanna do that day. I am coming to see our daughter not you. I can't come on Christmas Day either because I have things to do.
I didn't even respond after that. I wish he would have asked if he could come or at least ask if we had plans or something. Geez.
This is the first time I've heard from him since the day after Thanksgiving. This will be the first time we've seen him since early November.
I'm sorry he's acting like a horses behind right now. Notice how he was ignoring what you were saying? It's all about him and what he wants right now. He's got a lot of guilt because he had to add that he was coming alone, i.e., something you didn't ask him about as well as shooting a dart at you as well.
Well, I would be home that day, but in another room. I would have Christmas music playing and be doing some baking. Get some nice holiday scented candles and have those bad boys burning when he comes. He needs a good swift kick in the memory department of what the holidays were like as a family unit.
Please keep your expectations at zero. Your h may come and act cold and impersonal towards you. He may not make eye contact w/you or even speak to you...understand that this is the only way that he can return to his home and be around you right now. They have to do this because they think we are the enemy. Nothing against you...it's not about you, but what they think they have to do in order to survive. I hope that I am wrong about this, but I've seen it quite often around the forum.
Whatever you do, stay calm and civil. Be yourself and do not allow him to rattle you to the point of having heated discussions. If it gets too heated, walk away and find something to do...after all, he's coming there to visit his daughter and Christmas is all about the children.
Good luck! Come here if you need additional support.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
That went better than expected. He stayed about an hour! But he was really nervous it seemed and seemed itching to get out of here. We had small talk, many laughs, and i noticed he kept glancing my way a few times. He seemed to relax a little bit the longer he was here. I'm not reading into anything he says or does but we were outside, he said I'm Gonna be nice and give you a hug since it's Christmas. Before he left, I told him we love you. He says I love y'all then he stops himself and changes it to I love them. I just smiled so big lol
He did keep saying how he wanted to get home a million times and seemed to only want to talk about himself the whole time. Lol
I'm glad things went okay. He really does love you and the family and he let it slip just a wee bit. He's still singing the mantra "me, me and more me".
Enjoy the day w/your family and don't allow the MLC monster to ruin it for you and your family.
Merry Christmas!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Why does he use that line of I was just being nice or because it's a holiday as his reason for hugging me? He always goes for the one arm hug that turns into a full hug with some patting on my back that seems to turn into him not wanting to pull away.
haunted, They such things to not only convince themselves, but others as well, that it's just him being nice or some other excuse. They do not want us to get our hopes up that they are starting to come to their senses. Yes, even though it starts out as a one arm hug and then moves on to a full hug and not pulling away, he's still trying to convince you and himself it's nothing more than just a casual hug.
It's another "trait" of some MLCers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
