I wish I would have said "really?" and just left. Right now I'm having a hard time. I want her to know there is a path back to us but I feel if I tell her so she'll just take advantage of me again.
I am sure it's a very difficult time for you, and please don't think I am trying to make it harder. Let me just say that the way you are wanting her to know there is a path back......doesn't work real well with WW's. The mindset of a WW is that they have to feel they have lost the H. So, when you are hoping to show her there is still a possibility to R the M, you are actually defeating yourself. Why? B/c she doesn't feel that she's lost you. When she can demand to know about your private life, and you give her what she wants, it is like an insurance policy for her.
Over the years I have noticed how men can't seem to help themselves from thinking of their WW as though she was operating from a logical mind. However, I assure you that your WW does not think and feel like you seem to visualize. I wish she did.
Once she feels she has really lost you, then her feelings could shift quite rapidly, but as long as you assure her that she could have you back anytime she wanted, she will not be interested enough. And, that's a shame b/c if you portrayed the role of the WAH and dumped her........I think you would see almost immediate change. But, if you wait.......it will be too long.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thank you Sandi, I know you are exactly right. It's not easy dumping her when I see she is starting to try to be better. I know she has a long way to go. She hasn't even shown an ounce of remorse for her A's.
When I answered her with a "no" it was very quick and knee jerk reaction. Hopefully she assumes I'm lying bc she has been lying to me for so long. She does a lot of projecting.
I have still been away from the house a lot. I was out the night of the 30th and the 31st. She took the kids to her parents house about 3 hours away. They were supposed to leave on the 31st but didn't leave until the 1st returning last night. Here is the newest WTF! She is wearing her wedding band. I noticed it missing from her open jewelry box while they were gone. Last night I noticed she is wearing it on her right hand. Is this weird? Is she doing this because she's trying to catch my attention? Why in world would she be wearing her wedding band?
Last edited by gs9; 01/04/1604:08 PM.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
WXW didn't come home last night. We're D'd and it shouldn't bother me.....I shouldn't even care......but I do.
Definitely not going to let her know it bothers me.
Her wedding band isn't back in the box so she must still be wearing it.
WTF is she wearing her wedding band?
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
My W did the same thing in our mess. I wouldn't read too much into it. I made the mistake of thinking it was a positive at the time only to get crushed for I dont know maybe the 20th time? She sure h&ll noticed when I finally stopped wearing mine though.
separated since 9/01/13 M-31 W-36 D-4 Move back home 12/26/13 3 months of tough times Finally in a happy M
From the cheap seats, and keeping up with your sitch, I see it is playing out her fantasy... a movie.
You're in the middle to the end of the movie. Getting close to the climax. The happy ending of finding each other again, running towards each other, in a field of daysies is very close.
She only has to hop the ring from the right hand to the left, right? Once you propose again?
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
We D'd on 12.18. On 12.24 she stated she wanted to start couples counseling. 12.30 she started wearing her ring. She's been home every night for the last month until last night. Her coming home every night is unusual for the last 6 months.
I know I know.....I'm trying to rationalize someone who is still running on pure emotion. Just seems really weird that she would start wearing her wedding band. She has several rings. WTF would she wear her wedding band?
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Hi Gs, I wouldn't worry too much about what she is up to. Haul your focus back onto yourself and start moving solidly forward after your recent D. If she wants you back, she's gonna have to really put her shoulder against the wheel.
Inwardly, maybe comment to yourself - hmm, that's interesting - then file it right away and get on with your day..
Do you have some good GAL plans in place? I hope you're out enjoying yourself sometimes when she chooses to stay at your house?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Sotto, Thank you for stopping in, the reminders and the encouragement.
I've been doing a ton of GAL-ing. Lots of time with friends when I don't have daddy duty. When I do have daddy duty and WXW is home I will usually take D4 to dinner and I've started building and installing a bar top in my kitchen. It's almost done and then I'll tear out a wall to build a mud room.
It's hard not to think about the why's with WXW. Is it a sign that she is starting to "put her shoulder against the wheel"? Does she want me to notice and say something?
In summary.....I guess I am still technically Dbing even after the D. Moving forward trying not to stumble on past.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
