Hi all.. Just an update. Well been married for 8 months now. So far so good. My self worth is back, sort of . I mean the fear is pretty much gone. I still worry about crap but I deal with things much better. My daughter and I have a great R. Everytime I invite her over she never turns me down. She always says "I luv u dad". She turns 19 this month. My w is amazing. Her daughter and I get along but w and her d fight constantly. Blended families are tough but Im adjusting. I keep my input to minimum. Work sux. My boss is what HR dep calls "the competent jerk". Lol. She is very heavy handed with many staff. She checks herself with me cause too many know me in my field in my state. Money is tight but managing. We still living out of 2 homes. W would like to permanently move to my house. But her D wants to stay were they are. My house is 90 miles away from mine and their work. Done that commute 12.5 years now. No wonder my ass is flat.
On the ex front. Havent had any communication since 10/2012. I went to my local Acme with W to pick up some stuff. W and I were discussing what to get and then saw ex. She locked eyes with me but I kept walking smiling and having our heated dinner discussions. I didnt turn too look back. She looked terrible.
I can say that for the most part Im happy. Im dreaming and planning my life again. i dont feel soooo afraid anymore. In fact this experience has made me stronger. I have learned so much about me and I like what I see .
I want to wish everyone a great holiday season and a great 2016 and thanks for walking with me this past few years...love u all
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Sounds like it's going well. Glad to hear. But why do I always get this underlying feeling that there's something you're not saying. "mostly ok". Reading between the lines worries me. Hope I got that wrong.
I'm especially glad to hear how you have fixed your R with your daughter. There is nothing more important. You learned that you could not fix your ex - you could only fix yourself and how you responded to her. We all struggle with that one.
Happy holidays to you. May this Season be one of Joy for you and your family!
Hi Barb u r not reading between the lines. Im still dealing with some residual depression. It is not everyday all day feeling. Feelings of sadness comes to me when I let stinking thinking get to me. I am feeling much better but still working at it. I think it is my job and the people in command. But most importantly I make myself crazy about my finances. I do pay attention to what my brain does and says. I worry about future stuff.. u know the saying dont borrow trouble from the future
Betsy we live together. We stay at her apt Monday through Friday. We go to my house Friday night and stay the weekend.
Her Ds grand parents and aunts live where my W has her place. And the college she wants to attend is in the county.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
I really hope you can work through this. There are still some issues that need to be resolved in your life and as Bets points out - who is running the show? Are you still seeing a C? they can really help you in sorting out feelings and issues. I highly recommend it. I thinks its always best to work out these issues BEFORE getting married or moving in together but better to get open and honest about it now than never. Because we all know it festers. We've all been there. And I wish you the best in dealing with the difficult stuff.
So happy to hear that things are looking up in so many ways for you, Rich, even though life is not perfect. I smiled when I read about you running into your ex in the store -- good for you for taking the high road, smiling and walking away, instead of making horse neighing noises or something LOL
90 miles is a LONG commute, especially in that famous NJ traffic. Maybe if you and your wife decide to move completely to your house, your step daughter (I like the sound of that ) could stay with her grand parents or one of her aunts when she starts college? I'm so glad you and your daughter are getting along well too!
Quote:
i dont feel soooo afraid anymore. In fact this experience has made me stronger. I have learned so much about me and I like what I see
So glad to hear you are feeling stronger and healing. I truly have come to believe that the only way for us to get over all of the triggers caused by our exes kicking us to the curb is to get out there and live life! You're getting there! Thanks for posting this great update!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
I am happy you and your lovely wife are doing good! Can't wait to see you guys again.
Commutes are a b!tch and can suck some energy our of you, which might be making you more vulnerable. I also have seen you in your home and you love it there and that's where you feel you could relax and be yourself. So it probably makes you feel a little unsettled when you leave it and I get that.
I was thinking about the future with my man friend and I ( we live a bit of a distance apart as you know) and I realized how later in life when blending a family, there are many different variables and challenges.which means more sacrifices. When we are younger with no attachments, children, or commitments, it's easier to blend our lives together. It takes lots of work at this point in life, but it is obvious you realize the work is definitely worth it. Just keep working it through it.
. I mean the fear is pretty much gone. I still worry about crap but I deal with things much better. My daughter and I have a great R. Everytime I invite her over she never turns me down. She always says "I luv u dad". She turns 19 this month. My w is amazing. Her daughter and I get along but w and her d fight constantly. Blended families are tough but Im adjusting. I keep my input to minimum. Work sux. My boss is what HR dep calls "the competent jerk". Lol. She is very heavy handed with many staff. She checks herself with me cause too many know me in my field in my state. Money is tight but managing. We still living out of 2 homes. W would like to permanently move to my house. But her D wants to stay were they are. My house is 90 miles away from mine and their work. Done that commute
