Back on these forums again 4

[Mona52]

Here is a link to my old threads:

First Thread

Second Thread

Third thread

Quick recap.

H lives an a separate apartment, I live with my mom and 3 kids. H has a GF 400 miles away he met online.

[Mona52]

It happened. I have been trying to prepare myself and I was sure I was strong and ready. I'm not strong. I am about to cave into his demands.

My D wants to throw a new years party. She needs adult supervision. I am going out new years.

She asked H if he would supervise. He replied, "IDK, I might have plans."

So I sent him a text...

Me: Please reconsider and give me new years. I take care of everything else alone. I dont ask you for help. Let me go out new years.

I sent that at 8 am. At 6 pm he answered which is odd for him. He normally answers my texts immediately.

H: How many kids will be there and will I be the only adult watching over all those teenagers?

(PAUSE FOR A RANT!! I just did this exact thing Saturday! I had a house full of teens and I was the only adult. Seriously. It is not like it is a house full of infants. You dont really have to WATCH teens for crying out loud. But he was not interested in lending a helping hand on Saturday...)

Me: IDK and yes. But they are boring and good. You can sit at the pc all night, maybe watch a show with S12.

3 hours later he answers me. NOW HERE IS WHERE I NEED HELP.

H: I have a huge favor to ask. I will do new years regardless of the answer. Can I borrow $200. Idk when I will be able to pay it back but I'm in trouble.

I did not answer...

H: I need an answer today so I know how to proceed.

OMG, I am dying to say YES

[Mona52]

My first option is to say simply "Sorry, I cant." This is my favorite

My second option is what i WANT to say "H, you cant run to me when you are in trouble. You fired me, remember?"

My third option is to tell him to ask his girlfriend.

My 4th option, and the one I am dying to say is YES.

I want to say yes because I am scared saying no will send him to OW. Or make him mad at me. or ruin all chances of R.

If this was someone else's thread and they had these fears I would say, He is already with OW. He is allowed to be mad at me and me not fixing his issues is not what is preventing R. His behavior is preventing R and if I give him money I am encouraging his behavior.

Right? Go with option 1?????

[Di-mond]

Go with option # 1!!!!

[Painter]

Voting for #1.

[Scrant]

Option 1 sounds good

[job]

I'm w/the rest of the posters...Option 1. He's a grown man and he should be better able to take care of his obligations. You aren't his mother. Stop thinking about rescuing him.

Now, if he comes back and says he can't come over New Years Eve, then I suggest you get a back up plan in place this week. You can't rely on him to help you out... time to do something different...get a back up plan in place and leave him to figure out how to take care of himself. His money problems are not your problem.

[Gmum]

Option 1, Mona. For sure.

[Mona52]

I did it. I went with option 1, but I did not text him until this morning.

He did one more thing last night that made it almost impossible.

He sent me one last text, with one word, my name.

Wow. That man saying my name really shook my entire foundation.

So I texted him this morning when he knows I would not have any excuse not to look at my phone.

Me: I can't. Sorry.

I cant help but feel I made a huge mistake. Logically I agree with everyone when they say "He has to feel a loss. He has to miss you."

But for 20 years I have been saving him. Even last time. I meant it when I said I was a terrible DB'er. If he asked me for $200, I would have given him $400.00

Logically, I might have done the right thing, but emotionally, I cant even look at myself in the mirror.

[Mona52]

The surprising part was how hard it hit me. For weeks I have been telling myself he is in over his head. I knew he was going to run out of money. It felt like I was prepared for it. 2 days ago, if someone asked me if I would give him money I was dead sure I would not.

But when the text message came, the world kinda shifted. My heart started pounding and I was overwhelmed with fear. I could not see past the fear. My mind screamed, if I would just give him this money, he would see and he would come home. But if I don't give him this money, he will never speak to me again.

Sorry if I completely abuse this board today. I have a feeling I will be posting a lot...