Motivation!!! From rysinMan

[RysinMn]

Time is such an enigma, time can be a person's greatest gift or their worst experience. Today I awoke to realize time has been my savior. For those who know my story this time last year was the hardest moment I have ever had to endure. But I can say I have held to my convictions and stayed true to myself and what I believed in. I have always been a rather hopeless romantic kind of guy and I believed that there is only one person for everyone; and that you are truly meant to be with that person. No matter time or distance, but sometimes it just doesn't work. I have carried around so much guilt for my failed marriage for a long time, I had believed I was a failure and less of a man for not being able to make my marriage work, but I have realized through lots of insight and many nights alone just reflecting on my past, sometimes people change without even realizing it and you can't put those new items back in the same beautiful box they were originally packaged in. Sometimes people need new boxes, separate boxes! This doesn't mean either person is bad or wrong, somethings are just not meant to be. So today I awoke with a clear mind and a little anxiety for the new road ahead of me. I want to say one last time I will always love and miss my best friend and now I know that is ok, but time is my savior and my liberator. I will keep my head high and know the worth of this man! I know who I am and what I will stand for and what beliefs I will never compromise. Thank you time for showing me compassion and bringing me knowledge and strength. Today I walk my own road with no regrets and a smile on my face with knowledge that better days are ahead.

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks for stopping by and posting this. I remember your earliest posts here and can attest to tremendous growth in you. When people first come here, they are usually reeling from grief & shock over their loss.

RysinMan, 3 months ago I lost my mother quite unexpectedly.

Simply put, it's an enormous loss for me and my siblings, regardless of her age. (Our mother was in excellent health - or so we thought. All of her 5 sisters are alive, even ones much older than she was). I had a wonderful mother. Her death is the first sorrow I've wept without her.

Though losing a spouse via divorce is different, I understand & relate to losing your best friend & source of constant support. I understand the gaping hole left there, only to be partially & slowly filled by others.

I know YOU have discovered that from huge losses, we can grow.

*To be clear, the growth does not "make up for" the loss, but it is still a gain.

My relationships with people are far deeper now, for I realize the value they have to me. I'm acutely aware of those friends who are also "orphans," who relate to grief, and how this time of year can really be a drag. I'm pretty sure you have grown in appreciation for the friends and family members who have supported you in your journey.

Looking ahead, statistically, there's a good chance you will remarry. You can be a romantic and accept that there is more than one soul mate for you out there.


RysinMan Think it out. Does it make sense that the Creator would create ONLY one single person for each of us?
Then if we lose them to death, (which is a certainty for one of you) that would be pretty unfair, especially if it happens in youth.

But sure, I know what you mean about connecting uniquely to someone. I'm hoping you will realize that as YOU evolve and grow, YOU are changing.

You are becoming a different, changed for the better man. Therefore, your needs and the suitability of your "soul mate" will evolve as well. Your former wife is no longer the soul mate for you, but there are soul mates out there for you. Why wouldn't there be?

I think there are many many women out there, who'd make great partners for you. And it only takes one to "win this game."

(Make ^^ sense?)

Chances are you will have a deeper relationship with your future partner.
I think You will be a better, more loving, more "fully present" husband. From personal experience I can say that the marriage you have in the future (which you will create) can and will be deeper than it ever could have been, otherwise.

Crazy, eh? But hey, These are good things^^.

As for this holiday season - I'm thinking we both need to create new different traditions, Or travel somewhere new, or both...

If you can plan some different activities in advance,
(nothing that reminds you of her, if possible) you can lessen the expected pain.

In conclusion, even though I urge changes for your own protection,

I hope in your case, that some changes are not made. It's my hope that the threads & themes of dignity, honor and strength that you have shown, remain constants in your life.

You really have borne your loss with such grace, that I'm hard pressed not to think this has yielded great strides in you spiritually and emotionally.

I see good things for you Rys - right around the corner, truly.

((( )))

[sandi2]

(Excuse the hijack Rysin.) I wanted to wave to 25yrsMLC. I read where you lost your mother recently, and I wanted to express my sympathy. We've missed you around here.

[25yearsmlc]

(Excuse the hijack Rysin.) I wanted to wave to 25yrsMLC. I read where you lost your mother recently, and I wanted to express my sympathy. We've missed you around here.

Thanks Sandi. If I'm not mistaken, you have lost yours as well. (But I hope I am mistaken).

As one author wrote, "Losing a mother is the first sorrow wept, without her."

And it's an enormous, unexpected loss. I can see how marriages might be affected, (though my husband has been as much a pillar of support as he can be.)

Sorry for hijacking RysinMan,

Hard to know how or where to post this, if at all.

I might post about how a friend or spouse should NOT behave when an in-law dies, b/c my sister has had a hard time with her h, as he blurts out whatever he thinks will "Fix" her grief, which is not at all helpful.

But that is for another time & place.

Carry on RysinMan (Oh, and call your mom )