Hello I am in the UK and my wife has told me that she wants out of our marriage. We have been married for 15 years and we have 3 children. We are still living in the same house but I think it would be better for one of us to move out give each other space . I have read that I should not leave the home or I could end up loosing it is this correct Thank you
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I'm also in the UK and if NDY is knocking about, he is as well. You might also want to look at Ghost and Isittoolate - both UK based but in a pickle right now.
OK, maybe you should start by telling us a bit about yourself and your W.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
My wife has asked to separate from me she says we have been living separate lives for a number of years. I disagree yes we both have our own lives but we have always done things as a family a well. We have been separated for 4 months and I wish I had found this place sooner I have been making many of the mistakes I have bought DR and have started to read it
The last four months we have been living in the same house with our children. I read about detaching and I feel that I need to put some space between my Wife and I have the option to go and move in with my parents are there any implications if I move out the house for a few months give her some space
I want to save the marriage or as I have seen written build a new marriage but she says it is over and she will not change her mind. How long should I keep trying to show her my love and try to get her to give us another go. I read many different sites on how to save the marrage and some say keep trying to talk to her keep a conversation going most want me to part with some money and I will buy the information if I truly felt it would help
I really am at the end and part of me thinks we need to put our house on the market move into smaller houses if this is what she wants. I get to see my family every day and the thought of not seeing my children when and if I want to hurts me more than anything. For the past 15 odd years I have been able to choose when I see my children this is now being taken away from me
I need to look into the UK laws about divorcing and how I get this started if this is what she wants. As much as I love her if this is what she wants and I cannot help her to change her mind then I have to let her go. This hurts.
Should I arrange a visit to a soliciter and get a separation agreement in place are they 100 percent legally binding. I want to agree the finances now and get this in place so further down the line she does not change things and get nasty.
I need to look into the UK laws about divorcing and how I get this started if this is what she wants. As much as I love her if this is what she wants and I cannot help her to change her mind then I have to let her go. This hurts.
Should I arrange a visit to a soliciter and get a separation agreement in place are they 100 percent legally binding. I want to agree the finances now and get this in place so further down the line she does not change things and get nasty.
Why are you doing the work for her if you dont want a divorce?
Yes see a solicitor and know your rights.
And it is true that you may get a better "deal" financially the quicker you act.
I do not know if she will file or when she will file for divorce
I see very few options
Option 1 I wait until my Wife files for divorce we continue to share the house but not the bedroom we stay in this limbo for another 5 months or longer stay in the same house and we can both see the kids when ever we want my wife is working lots and building up a savings pot of money for when we,go our own ways.
Option 2 We both contact soliciters We have talked about doing as much as the divorce as we can ourselves via mediation We arrange the finances with a separation agreement We start the divorce process We put our house on the market We sell our house and share the equity We divorce and go into separate houses We implement a shared child care plan I get to see our children some days and she gets to see them on the other days I move on with my life She moves on with her life
Sounds simple but none of this is what I want to happen
First, don't go down the 'many sites' route. There is one out there which suggests that you shower your W with gifts etc. - it don't work.
She's in a spiral of doom right now and you're not going to be able to do anything about it. So, first things first, what do you want to see at the end of this? Do you want to be D'd? As you're here, I guess the answer is no. Yes, go to a L and find your rights out, but don't mention the D word again, unless you really want to.
As for leaving the house, I have been in an in house separation for 8 months and I don't think it's the way to go. Practically, if your W wants out, let her go. It's up to you if you want to stay in the house or not. In the UK, if you're paying for the house, you can't be forced to leave unless you have some kind of court order against you or your W can prove abuse. If it's got that nasty, I'd just go anyway to get some sanity back.
Make sure you read the rules from sandi2 and the detaching threads - all full of really useful advice. Get the DB book and skip to the middle to get some really useful info in to how doing the opposite of what you think you should be doing will help YOU.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
The saving pot is shared until divorce - try to find out how much it is.
All monies in the marriage are shared
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Can you give us a bit more detail on how you ended up here? What I'm reading is you both kind of drifted apart for a while, hardly a reason for your W to say she's done. So is there more detail you can share?
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
