I felt so good this weekend when I was with her, I actually made a comment, and then had to correct it because I forgot that we are separated. That felt weird. Plus, I heard W use the word us a couple times. And, since the weekend was nice, it makes me want to ask her to do something together. I would love to go on a date. It will be tough to not ask, but I can do it.
So what was the comment and why did you feel you had to correct it? The bigger question, is how did she react when you said it? Did her attitude change? I would say it was OK since she is using the word "us."
Quote:
And, since the weekend was nice, it makes me want to ask her to do something together. I would love to go on a date. It will be tough to not ask, but I can do it.
Ah, the tricky should I or shouldn't I? It would be a safe bet to say that the majority of the advice will come in the form of no, don't do it. But then again, I tend to not give the same. We have to remember that each situation is different and and what works with one may be detrimental to others. With that said, maybe there is a casual way you could do it without directly asking for a date? In reality, what would that hurt? At worst it could be a no, not ready, or the like...
So, isn't the process of DB'ing finding what works and going with it (at least more than a few posters told me that)? If so, then maybe you hit on the magic button. From what you have been posting, it seems that she has been more positive and maybe more open, too.
Quote:
I still haven't heard from her lawyer about a court date. W still hasn't told the boys anything. We are getting along great. She is telling me bye again. And we are doing nice things for each other, small things, but nice.
To me - and we all know how my advice doesn't usually jive with some on here - that seems extremely positive. I think that what you are doing is working, but then again, that is just me.
Quote:
And then, the other side of me wants to know the outcome, and skip the process. If we are working on us, then great, let's do it! If she still wants to have D, well I can respect it even if I don't agree. But then I can start by buying a truck and start building my own home.
Once again, one can't be left in limbo forever...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
For what it's worth, my advice would be to pull back farther and see if she continues to pursue you. I think you are still too "available" so it's easy or convenient for her.
Thanks for the comments guys. I am not sure which way to go, so I will do nothing for now. Everything that I have seen from W has been positive lately. She was opening up to me about work stuff, which is a huge step in my mind. W telling me that her boss is getting on her nerves is big too. Her boss was the only one who thought that she should D. Almost like the bubble has burst there? Maybe she realized that he doesn't know everything?
The comment I made was about us taking our family to a theme park/hotel, and how we would only buy one ticket... since there are 5 of us. But since we are S, there aren't 5 of us. She didn't really react at all.
I will hold off at least until the weekend, and see what/ if anything happens. I have no reason for contact until Thursday at kid swap. Will just have to be patient, I suppose. I am hopeful. I will try to not get my hopes too high, but its tough!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I just wanted to stop by and say thank you for posting on my thread, so nice to have new people come and say hello and show their generous spirit.
I didn't want to reply without knowing you a little so spent most of yesteday afternoon reading up on sitch, and then this morning on my facebook page a friend had shared a post from a Facebook Page called "The Gratitude Wall". You immediately came to mind.
The quote is from AA Milne and piture of Pooh and Piget sitting on a log- the quote "Piglet noiticed that even though he had a very small heart,it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude".
Yesterday and today Dday, I am grateful you took the time to post on my thread and remind me that there is always something or someone to shine some light on the the gratitude that sits in your (my) life.
I have decided that I will wait until new years, and at that point, if we aren't decided one way or the other, I will ask for a decision. If she can go through the holidays, and not feel the need to reconcile, then I will feel done. I think anyway.
I have much hope from the past few days interactions with W. I think the kids are pressuring her too. I hear comments when we are together, and I get questioned when it's just the boys and me. S6 yesterday asked that I move back home for his birthday later this month. Told me that he misses me at home. Really misses me. That hurt, and made me feel loved all in one.
At the same time as this hope, I feel a bit apathetic. As crazy as that sounds to you all and myself. I love her and want her back, yet I feel fed up. I guess I am nearing the end. She seems again the beautiful girl I married, seems happier, friendlier. Almost normal, except I am still not home. But, I don't want to continue living like this. Need to figure out how to live for me, even while my money is in limbo as much as my heart.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I'm not sure deadlines serve much of a purpose honestly. It will just cause you to countdown to New Years and as that deadline approaches it will have an effect on the way you act. A change that may or may not have an effect on her. See where that leads? You could actually be delaying her path and progress to something that may be beneficial because you want it too much.
So, I think it might be much better to say at New Years you are going to revisit how you feel and consider your options at that point.
You also have no clue how going through the holidays will make you feel, or how it will make her feel. Let things happen as they will and don't try to force them.
Absolutely live for you just don't assume you can do that only one way. You can be happy alone just as you can be happy alone and in limbo while still M'ed. Not much would change other than financial aspects and maybe the ability to date(not like were ready to anyway). That pain is not going to disappear if you do D, its just a piece a paper remember. So don't go thinking having the D final will change much. The only thing that might happen is you letting go(psst, you can do that now, its just hard).
Patience.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
D - I feel really good about your decision to wait until the New Year. You seem to be making good progress, and I would hate to see that derail at this point. Be just a tiny bit hard to get. No heart dangling from your sleeve, ok?
I understand about the money...if I lived closer we could split rent through the holidays! That's all you want right? Big sister moving in? LOL
It'll be okay. Your boys are pretty easy to please at their age. Do you have snow at Christmas? A tricked out sled (bought at Goodwill and decorated at home) is a gift we did one year to "fill in"...turns out to be the main thing they remember all these years later!
Fogg, I like the way you stated that, to revisit the sitch on new years. I would love to be able to let go... really I would.
Ancaire, I lived with my little sis for 3 months, I could live with big sis. Wouldn't bother me at all. Yep, we should have snow for Christmas. (Indiana) I like the idea of restoring a sled, that would be pretty cool. And, it would mean more than some toy I buy and gets discarded in a couple months.
I will try to be a bit hard to get. My friends that I confide in are telling me to be very careful, so as to not get crushed again. I know that I can't take too many more crushing blows, before I give up completely on W. I still love her, and being around her intensifies that. I will see her for a few minutes at kid swap Thursday, basketball for 2 hours Saturday, and church Sunday.
I haven't went to church in about a month, so I am overdue on going. It helps! I couldn't go to counseling this week or last due to work schedule. My priest wants me to call him Thursday night, and chat. That will be nice, and helpful.
I am proud of myself for not reaching out to W today. I felt, after the last few days, that she would have reached out to me. No expectations, ha! But, I am not bummed about it. I was hopeful, obviously too much so, but I did not let it get the best of me today.
Been texting my sister a bit, to help compensate for the lonely feeling partly. She is being very supportive. Telling me that she's happy that I am putting myself first for now. That I am someone only a fool would leave. I really feel like that is becoming more true. I think I have gotten over most of my flaws. Always room to improve, but I have knocked down the roughest parts of me.
Validation is my new goal. I am not great at it, and I would like to be. So, it's next on my list of improvements. If W keeps opening up, then I should get many opportunities. I am a fixer by nature, it's even my job. So I always offered possible solutions. I always thought that was what she was wanting when she told me any problems. I never just validated her feelings. I will try to be better.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
