LBH w/ a WW trying to save my M (4)

[sandi2]

exactly. How do I burst her bubble? shake her back to reality? Kind of like when I told her if we D we will not be buddy buddy. We will not be friends

Have you read through the my threads on the WW?

[sandi2]

Very attractive woman began flirting with me Monday night at the gym and worked out with me Monday and Tuesday night. She now wants to hang out this weekend.

What do you mean, "uh-oh"?

[dwh15]

ut oh.

Very attractive woman began flirting with me Monday night at the gym and worked out with me Monday and Tuesday night. She now wants to hang out this weekend. If I do I will try to arrange a group setting.
She's been separated for 4 years and her D finalizes next week. She knows mine finalizes next month. She and her friend actually said "stay M no matter how awful your W is".

It feels good to be approached and flirted with. I do understand it's just a coping mechanism.

I don't see anything wrong with flirting with women, or even with dating, as long as you keep it casual. And no, I don't mean casual sex. But spending some time getting to know women, having dinner, etc. Like you said, it's a coping mechanism and I'm all for anything which helps one cope. Now the trick is keeping from becoming emotionally attached, and also in being totally honest about your situation and emotional state, so that you do not end up using others to ease your own pain.

Not everyone will agree with me, and I do believe it depends on the individual and the current circumstances in your unique situation. There is always a chance that it could make R with your WW even more difficult, so that is a risk you have to be willing to take. Sure, it's a double-standard but that is what you are dealing with in a wayward spouse situation - you don't get to do the same things they already have done or are still doing.

In my case, I've resigned myself to the fact my M is over and decided I was going to start casually dating. If my WW finds out, so be it. I'm not going to feel bad, after what she's put me through. I'm very honest about my current status with anyone that I meet, and always tell them I'm not looking for anything serious until after my D is final. If that's too much for them to handle, then I wish them well and move on.

Decide what you feel is right for you, treat people with respect, and I think you will be fine. That being said, if you still believe there is any chance of R with your WW, I would probably hold off on dating for a while.

[gs9]

Hi Sandi,
I have read through them. I better read through them again. Is there something obvious I'm missing? The first thing that pops into my head is that the WW will not hear anything I have to say.....now that I type it out I'm feeling there's no point in saying anything.

[gs9]

Very attractive woman began flirting with me Monday night at the gym and worked out with me Monday and Tuesday night. She now wants to hang out this weekend.

What do you mean, "uh-oh"?

Until recently I have felt that I needed to be very careful to not create any additional obstacles to my WW returning.

A couple weeks ago when she told me her fantasy of us getting back together and I saw her texting with yet another man my feelings began to change.

I have been and will be honest but I'm going to enjoy myself, maintain my integrity but have some fun.

[gs9]

Thanks dwh,
I don't know that I'll take it as far as dating but I will enjoy myself getting to know someone new. I'll keep it casual and not casual sex or casual making out......no excuses. I am still married.

[sandi2]

I have read through them. I better read through them again.

Please do. Make sure you read all of them. There are about 4, I think, maybe 5 (I've about forgotten). If you don't want to read everyone's replies, that's okay, b/c in places it was more discussion between them, but please go through the threads. I hope I don't sound arrogant or anything by saying that, it just that a lot of information is in those threads if you'll read them.

If your WW has a fantasy about the two of you divorcing and then starting to date again, get another ring and big wedding......I have to wonder if you are doing something to feed her fantasy. Apparently, reality is not hitting her at all. She still has her family in tact, has her home, her H, etc. What has changed enough to cause her to see that you have no intentions of playing that fairytale game?

[gs9]

So last night the WW said she consulted with a couple D people ( I think she is trying to represent that she spoke with L's but she's a liar so who knows) and both said normally she would get more than 50% of the equity because I'm keeping the house and the house would be a asset. I told her the house would be a liability because I would owe what it's worth minus my half of the equity. She said no it would be an asset and she should get more than 50% because she would have to go out and buy something else. I told her this doesn't sound right but I'll consult my L.
10 minutes later She asked me to help her with the computer. She said I can't figure out how to submit my electronic signature on this job offer. I started getting D4 ready to go to dinner because I knew I needed to get out of there.
She was in the kitchen and as I walked by she said I don't see the submit button. I looked over her shoulder and said "yes, I don't see it either" and left.

Typical WW actions. Tell me she should get more money and then ask for my help.

Am I missing something here? This sounds like a load of bull.

[WhyUs]

No, you are not missing anything. WW is trying to cake eat. She wants the D and still wants you help with things she can not do on her own. It is a crappy position to put you in. My WW did something very similar and I fell right into it. I helped her book a flight because she was crying that she did not what to do. When she got back from the trip I found out she had written lengthy letter explaining why I lost my job as husband. Of course she failed to mention she was having an A. I found that out a week later.

[gs9]

Yes she is definitely trying to cake eat.

Am I missing anything on the house? Should she get more than 50% of the equity because I'm going to refinance her off the loan and keep the house? That sounds like a WW lie to me.