Can't force someone to parent. She uses work as her crutch that she works a lot. She is in the Army but so was I. And she's screwing her boss. But can't make her show up and stay with him
Can't force someone to parent. She uses work as her crutch that she works a lot. She is in the Army but so was I. And she's screwing her boss. But can't make her show up and stay with him
No. But you CAN work out a schedule. If she wants to be a parent, arrange something you both can agree on. Dont let her just waltz in, parent a couple hours when it's convenient and then leave.
I've been trying to work out a schedule believe me. I will talk to her again and ask her to stay here with him certain nights and start our schedule now. I mean if she can stay nights when I'm being nice and hanging out with her. Why can't she stay with him set nights every week. If she refuses then idk
Amel, this was a hard line for me to balance as well.
My view is you need to take stock of what your W complaints were during M and work on improving yourself around those. I wouldn't worry about what OM is filling outside of your W complaints against you, or these thoughts will eat you alive. Just focus on working on you and making changes for you. And yes, no need to press further about the A.
Considering your W is wayward, none of what she does will make any sense. As others are saying here, she gets the best of both worlds (plenty of cake eating). She has fired you as her H and it sounds as though just hoping to maintain friendship and nothing more. Is this what you want? Or do you want to be her H? Sorry to be blunt here. I also feel respect is key in order for her to regain her attraction to you as H as Azz mentioned. What do you think would re-attract her to you? What attracted her to you originally?
Again I completely relate. With a WW, I personally have realized the importance of respect more for myself than anything. I have backed off entirely as my WW continues her deep relationship with OM, and continue to focus on myself and S2. This is what has helped me detach personally, but as your S is different and you know it better than anyone, you need to find that ground that aligns with your goals.
In the end, I would say to review what your goals are (as specific, measurable, and time based) and look for anything that moves you toward or away as you evaluate.
Stay strong as this is tough. You have great support here.
M: 33 W: 30 T: 14 M: 9 S2 BD: May/2015 (w moves into spare bedroom one week later) EA / PA (discovered): June/2015 W moves out (living with OM): Sep/2015
Sorry I'm late to the party here. Just catching up on the recent posts.
I think establishing a co-parenting plan early on is important. And yes something you both agree on (shouldn't benefit one party entirely).
M: 33 W: 30 T: 14 M: 9 S2 BD: May/2015 (w moves into spare bedroom one week later) EA / PA (discovered): June/2015 W moves out (living with OM): Sep/2015
Well I texted her and asked to talk about our son. She gave me a call and said again she was working on getting a place. I asked her until then since she was staying here if she would start a schedule now. She agreed to come here weekends and my school nights and stay with him. Allowing me to have some me time. Glad she agreed. I will use this time to go to the gym make new friends and be productive for me.
It's so hard to stay away. She stays at my house four nights a week with my son and all I wanna do is be around her. The more I disconnect the more she does. This is for the best though right?
I decided that after four months of dealing with this I can't anymore. It's taking too much of a toll on me. I told her that I cannot live like this anymore. If she didn't want to be in the marriage or work on it I couldn't be her husband anymore. She wanted to stay married for financial reasons but I'm done doing favors for someone who disconnected herself from me and our son for another man. I literally can't take pacing and thinking about her all day. It's just too much. I need to move on with my life and this brings an end but also a new beginning for me. She still blames me and said "you pushed me into another man's arms I didn't want this". I deserve better and will continue to improve myself. Even though I didn't get my wife back I've learned so much from reading and being on this forum. I will use all this in the future with future relationships to make sure this doesn't happen again. Thanks everyone. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers
