With regards to improving myself. What I want to work on most are my social skills. I'm not antisocial, but I basically was content with my life and shied away from forming new friendships, talking with strangers, and just generally being a social guy. Now I find myself alone in a new city and it's quite the depressing situation.
I signed up for a class to improve my conversational skills, and am considering other things like taking an improv comedy class. I'm a pretty reserved person, though, so while this has helped with taking my mind off my W, it is also adding to my overall anxiety and stress levels.
It's hard for me to approach a stranger and start a conversation, especially a woman. My plan is to take baby steps so I don't get so overwhelmed as my emotional state is still very up and down from the separation.
Have basically been NC with WW since my last post, besides for some texts back and forth about canceling flights we had previously booked for Christmas and a wedding.
She texted me on Thursday and said she'd like to catch up again and "discuss next steps." I'm fairly sure next steps = D proceedings. I told her I couldn't do it until next week.
I hate the way that she talks to me. She's not abusive but she treats me like a coworker or something and not her husband. Based on the way she's acting, I don't feel like she has any respect for me, our marriage, and the vows we exchanged. The last time we talked she asked if I was thinking about dating, after only 3 weeks from BD. I wanted to ask her if she was freaking serious and whether there's something wrong with her mentally that allowed her to turn so icy towards me so quickly.
Contrary to other's situations on the forum, this hasn't been building up for years. We only got married a little more than 2.5 years ago. She got rid of me faster than you get rid of an old pair of jeans and never gave me/us a chance.
I'm debating sending an email saying as much and that I reconsidered and am not willing to meet until she shows any respect towards me and our time together. That I'm not interested in D, but it only takes one so she can do whatever she feels she has to. Another option would be wait til we meet and she brings up D to say it. This approach doesn't seem to be inline with DB, but I'm starting to feel a bit desperate bc what I've been trying seemingly isn't working and she seems to want to fast track this.
On another note, something happened last night that I'm not sure how to handle. I went to a Halloween party with a few friends and was drinking and having fun. I haven't been seriously thinking about pursuing other women, but a cute girl approached me and we ended up fooling around a bit and she slept over. Fate seems to have a sense of humor, bc I don't think I've ever had a girl come up and be so forward with me. We didn't have sex, but I feel like a hypocrite. On the other hand, I'd say there's a good chance WW has done at least as much with OM by now. I'm not religious, but I pride myself in being a very moral person. I'm honestly confused where this lies on the range of appropriate to inappropriate.
It is easy to be conflicted when you have so many emotions and thoughts going through your head! If you haven't already sent the email talking about your feelings, DON'T! Stick with the DB principles. Regarding the Halloween party, it isn't too late to get things back on track in a positive direction.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
