6 months in the storm

[Azzork]

I am so tired of taking the high road. I give him everything and compromise with him when he needs something and I never get anything from him.

Thats the trouble with doing things with expectations.

You act like the person you want to be for you. Not because you hope to get something in return.

When your S throws a tantrum, do you calm him down expecting him to do the same for you when youre upset?

[ep0215]

Thanks Az - I know what you're saying and I don't think I expressed myself correctly. I don't expect anything from him because I give, what I meant was when I need a favor or some compassion I don't get anything. I realize you shouldn't do things for people with the expectation of something in return, just like when you are appreciative of someone it isn't because you will be paid back.

I am just tired of never being treated the same way. I want to be treated the way I others, isn't that the golden rule?

[Vanilla]

Thanks V

I am fuming over STBXH right now. I just got the email about the cell plan being cancelled and I have 14 days to get on a plan on my own or my phone will be shut off. I guess me asking for him to wait until I was financially okay didn't go over well.

Insanity is dong the same thing and expecting different results. You need your own plan.

I am so tired of taking the high road. I give him everything and compromise with him when he needs something and I never get anything from him.

You chose the high road, choose a different road. Collaboration isn't about one sided compromise. It's about working through professionals to get that which you want. That isnt beng obstructive, or deliberately difficult but about looking after your fins not Hs. Tran him to give n return, you do this and I do that.

He has no compassion or empathy for anyone but himself.

You expected.......

I will follow my plan and I won't say anything to him.

Yes, cards, close, chest in any order.

I will shut the phuck up but gawd am I pissed.

Buttons, pressed, again.

I am starting to reach a point where I don't think he will ever become unselfish and will always expect everything handed to him and for everyone else to take care of everything for him.

Oh my dear! Always? Forever? Judging? Criticising?

I do not want that in a mate. I want a leader. I want a man to be a man but soft enough to show compassion when needed. I need someone to listen to my cries and not get upset with me for having feelings.

I love this, and what else do you want?

rant over

Feel better!! Well done, lesson learned?

V

[ep0215]

I know. I was already having a really, really bad day and this just compounded it. It felt like pouring salt in the wound. I needed to vent and now I feel better. It keeps me from taking it out on butt head.

Headed to my sisters house for some girl time and 48 donuts

[ep0215]

I was doing some research on selfishness in a marriage and I came across this
Selfishness is one of the major obstacles to marital communication and thereby harms the marital friendship. This personality conflict results in a spouse manifesting a number of weaknesses including failing to listen, trying to dominate the conversation, failing to respect and appreciate the views of one's spouse, speaking in a critical and angry manner and competing verbally.

This describes STBXH to a T. I'm beginning to question how I could be so blind or naive to this for so long. My blindness and his selfishness was ruining our marriage and neither of us did anything about it. I am not blind anymore and it has helped me DB through this. I am working on me everyday. Will he ever want to work on himself?

I have a voice now and won't let him dominate what I do or say. I Am doing what is best for me and for S4. I make my decisions based on that. I will continue to show him compassion and appreciate him for being there for S4.

[Avanti]

Don't waste any energy on past failings, you can't change them, keep you focus on your newly found and constantly improving self.

[SunnyB]

I was doing some research on selfishness in a marriage and I came across this
Selfishness is one of the major obstacles to marital communication and thereby harms the marital friendship. This personality conflict results in a spouse manifesting a number of weaknesses including failing to listen, trying to dominate the conversation, failing to respect and appreciate the views of one's spouse, speaking in a critical and angry manner and competing verbally.

This describes STBXH to a T. I'm beginning to question how I could be so blind or naive to this for so long. My blindness and his selfishness was ruining our marriage and neither of us did anything about it. I am not blind anymore and it has helped me DB through this. I am working on me everyday. Will he ever want to work on himself?

I have a voice now and won't let him dominate what I do or say. I Am doing what is best for me and for S4. I make my decisions based on that. I will continue to show him compassion and appreciate him for being there for S4.

Ep, how much of my thread have you ever read? If you have time on your hands, go back to when I was RPPFL. Especially read posts by Labug and Underdog. I think you'll find it eye opening.

[ep0215]

I hadn't read back that far Sunny. I have spent the last 2 hours scouring your posts and you're right...eye opening. I only got to thread 9 but I am going to keep reading. I think we have had very similar marriages but look at us now!

[ep0215]

STBXH seriously just had the balls to ask me of I got the email about the cell phone plans and which plan did I choose?

I want to reply "none of your business" but that goes against DB'ing

I have only responded with "yes, I took care of it"

[Vanilla]

You said the same thing about the plan and using different words.

Spot on. WH was seeing if he has pressed buttons and temp checking.

You presented room temperature.

V