Ive been to see a lawyer and tomorrow I am going to talk to H I am going o say that I need to ensure the financial security(?) and best interests of the kids and myself. I have retained a lawyer and he needs to do the same.
Why can't you say it like that? It belongs to you, too, right? Don't let him trample all over you. You have a valid say in what occurs in your property. Have the locks changed. He might say she's his guest, but you have no obligation to play any part in providing a spot for his adultery. How dare he sully a family spot? Ask your L what your rights are in this matter.
Thanks Ancaire. I did say it just like that! I went up this morning to talk to him. I thought I would be all calm - but of course not. I never should have gone. Anyway. I wanted to explain why I am hosting his family for Thanksgiving and NOT him. (because the kids do not want to see them) and I wanted to address the facebook issue ( how he thought it "wasn't cool" that I changed the password). Then of course crying ensued. By both of us. He said after years of saying I love you everyday he just stopped saying it and then stopped feeling it. As he is crying he is telling me how great a team we were and still are .... But he wants to move on. He still would not admit to having affair. Said what the kids walked in on wasn't sex (even though they were both naked?????)
Anyway... I then said I have retained a lawyer and he should do the same. He started to talk about how that would cost too much .... Blah blah. I can't even remember the rest. .
I did say it was on him to fix his relationship with the kids This is Canadian Thanksgiving weekend - and I AM very thankful for my children. H did say he was proud of the way the kids are standing up for me
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I think you did pretty good during that exchange. Of course you cried, it's hard not to when your beloved is acting like a jackass and you can't snap them out of it. Getting the ball rolling on D might help. Then it becomes really real for him. Also, do not assist him with anything. That would be his dream. He lives the fantasy with his chippie and then has you to help him with hard stuff? Hell no. Don't do that. The best thing to do to cake eaters is take the cake away. Let her see the whole package she's cheating with, not just the romantic. You stay strong. Work on yourself. GAL's are great for you and they will also go along way to snap him out of it. All the sudden you're doing exciting things with new people and having a blast. You'll have fun and he'll eat his heart out. I promise you that. Please do this for yourself. It's never too late for you to go out and have fun. If you have to force yourself to do it at this stage, then force yourself. Let him see that you'll be fine without him and don't mind moving on. If that snaps him out of it then great, you'll get him back (if at that point you still want him). If that doesn't work and he still wants to split then there was probably no change to stay together in the first place and you're just wasting time. You have a lot of life ahead. Break out of limbo any way you can.
Thanks Tx. You know he really is my beloved. I was talking with my girls today to explain why I am retaining a lawyer. And they were asking how ccould I ever forgive him. I told them it was like my love for them is unconditional it wouldn't matter what they did I would always love them and that is how I feel about their father. I can forgive him. I just don't think he cares or wants my forgiveness.
If it really is MLC, there is always hope. I was determined to stand for my M for as long as it took. Still am, as you know. My H was once the best man I ever met...I'm hoping he will be again one day. I completely understand your point of view.
Jpeg, you handled that situation as well as anyone could, of course you cried, I almost cried for you just reading it. I often think that I didn't really understand how much I loved my H until I lost him. I really believe I will love him until the day I die.
It sounds like your Thanksgiving was wonderful and I am glad your H wasn't there.
Thanks photoka- I always realized how much I loved him. But his main complaint that I never told him enough that I loved him. I know that my actions over this past year have been very clear as to my devotion to him (not in a begging or pursuing way - in a giving him space, validating way - almost to the point where he was the one who was able to completely detach - me? Not so much)
Thanksgiving was good. Good for kids good for family. I honestly don't know how H could say (as he did to his dad) that he has never been happier - he didn't see any of his kids - and just the day before he told me he WASN'T happy ????? I know I know it's the fog!!!!!!!!!
