So this is my pain w is out clubbing clubs shut at 2.am ish and here I am cannot sleep and am awake feel like being downstairs when she gets in and tell her just how it makes me feel
She is out having fun making new friends doing [censored] knows what
how about you go out, have some fun and make new friends?
Ghost56, I will try to read and catch up on your thread. I think we may connect.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
So is my WH, short, bald and fat. POWs everywhere. Even an Italian woman from Italy on holiday.
My goodness Jpeg, are these WH cloned?
No short bald and fat are everywhere.
Ghost you can do something about one of those three attributes!
And it isn't being folically challenged!
Actually I do believe we have hit a prime fear, a belief which can be released- let's see if I understand the limiting beliefs.
I fear being abandoned because WW is so attractive she can find another partner easily. I fear being alone because I see myself as physically unattractive, short bald and fat. I fear that because of my appearance I cannot be loved.
As a result:
I am insecure and think WW shouldn't go out at all, every time she does (especially clubbing) it triggers my fears and need to control.
I take very little action to improve me because I fear all of the above.
I think Only WW can love me, if she leaves there will never be love, I am unattractive in my own eyes therefore to women.
I need WW to love me because I haven't love for this short bald fat H.
--------------------------------------------- That's a lot of fear, my friend, I can see you struggling to change behaviour and that is very difficult with will power. I think we could tackle his from the beliefs up. It's all linked to appearance, it won't do any good telling you to look inside, what is on the inside is most important. Why not? This seems to be your belief set.
Were you teased as a child?
How old are these beliefs?
Has it been this way since you met WW?
It would be good to know that these are your beliefs, how long they have been there and what effect they have had on you.
Something definitely to discuss with IC.
--------------------------------------------
So, with this insight I think the mirror work will do well.
We could also tackle the one issue that can be changed- your weight.
This is a belief set I really understand, it's one I am tackling myself. My programming arises because a of abuse and yes, I see myself as fat too. Short, yes. Balding, yes, but my hair fell out because of the stress, it's called diffuse alopecia. I now use Rogaine and extreme self care.
So how overweight are you?
What is your current regime for tackling it. Your goals, do they include your health as a priority.
Is GAL including exercise and movement on the cards.
Ghost, this is a health issue perhaps?
Is this anything WW has said or is it your view of you?
--------------------------------------
Keep smiling at that man in the mirror!
I think we are at long last seeing some light. All I need to find is the light switch.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 10/04/1508:21 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Ghost, I think that is diamond advice from V. If you can, shall we put what your W is doing to one side for now and look at this with you?
I think V may be right and the key to progress may lie within this. When people talk about becoming the 'best you' it doesn't really mean helping out with the dishes. It is at a deeper level.
I hope you'll be willing to take a good look at this area my friend xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
So is my WH, short, bald and fat. POWs everywhere. Even an Italian woman from Italy on holiday.
My goodness Jpeg, are these WH cloned?
No short bald and fat are everywhere.
Ghost you can do something about one of those three attributes!
And it isn't being folically challenged!
Ok so I am doing something about my weight at least I am trying to since BD I have lost over 2 stone
Actually I do believe we have hit a prime fear, a belief which can be released- let's see if I understand the limiting beliefs.
I fear being abandoned because WW is so attractive she can find another partner easily. I fear being alone because I see myself as physically unattractive, short bald and fat. I fear that because of my appearance I cannot be loved.
I believe you are spot on with the above
As a result:
I am insecure and think WW shouldn't go out at all, every time she does (especially clubbing) it triggers my fears and need to control.
I do not have any issues with her going out but I do have a fear that she will find someone else this has always been a fear throughout my marriage but not once did she ever do anything to even suggest she would stray perhaps I always thought how lucky I was to have a girl that was so pretty as my W
I take very little action to improve me because I fear all of the above.
I think Only WW can love me, if she leaves there will never be love, I am unattractive in my own eyes therefore to women.
How do you know me so well
I need WW to love me because I haven't love for this short bald fat H. Yes perhaps this is it I think. Do have love for me but fear I will not find another love and I know I will always be thinking about my W who has now left me my biggest fear
--------------------------------------------- That's a lot of fear, my friend, I can see you struggling to change behaviour and that is very difficult with will power. I think we could tackle his from the beliefs up. It's all linked to appearance, it won't do any good telling you to look inside, what is on the inside is most important. Why not? This seems to be your belief set.
Were you teased as a child? yes by my peers and my father
How old are these beliefs? Goes back all my life I must have been about 8 when my father stood me against the wall took photos of me and sent me to slimming counselling
Has it been this way since you met WW? My W never had any issues with my weight she has issues about her body but she is beautiful she was abused as a child by step mother
It would be good to know that these are your beliefs, how long they have been there and what effect they have had on you.
Something definitely to discuss with IC.
--------------------------------------------
So, with this insight I think the mirror work will do well.
We could also tackle the one issue that can be changed- your weight.yes this is something I really am trying to do
This is a belief set I really understand, it's one I am tackling myself. My programming arises because a of abuse and yes, I see myself as fat too. Short, yes. Balding, yes, but my hair fell out because of the stress, it's called diffuse alopecia. I now use Rogaine and extreme self care.
So how overweight are you? I currently weigh 18 stone and the heaviest I have ever been is 21 stone I would like to aim to be 14.5 stone and build some muscle as well
What is your current regime for tackling it. Your goals, do they include your health as a priority. I am eating a lot less bad foods and drinking more water and less fizzy I joined a gym but realise this is something I need to go more to my work has gone quiet so this is defiantly something I am going to be stepping up I would like to go at least twice a week Is GAL including exercise and movement on the cards. Yes
Ghost, this is a health issue perhaps? Yes it is a health issue I also want to be arround for my children
Is this anything WW has said or is it your view of you? This is my view my W has mentioned that I should loose weight for my health but she never made the pint of saying I needed to loose the weight it was always if I wanted to
--------------------------------------
Keep smiling at that man in the mirror! Thanks for the clue V man in the mirror
I think we are at long last seeing some light. All I need to find is the light switch.
V
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
no pun intended!