ok.. I'm new and I think I figured out how to start my own thread? thank you to those who helped me.
M 21 years S-20 D-18 March 2015 separated. I moved out. H -57 me -57
I am trying to go dark just now. I know my husband.. I still can't call him my 'ex' is setting up relationship rendez vous with his match.com dates.
I am not able to sleep very well. I so so want this relationship back. .. so we can work on it.
I was away for 5 weeks and when I came back he gave me a long hug.. and he was different. briefly. apologized for things--which is not like him. When we got into arguments, he said, "I didn't want it to be like this..." He told me all about work struggles (he had gotten suspended for flirting with the secretary) .. He told me all about his arguments with his closest brothers and sister. He was appreciative of how I listened and validated. And then sadly, I know I should n't do this.. but that very day he went online to set up a match.com date with OW out of town. .. she is blond and 11 years younger than me (ouch!) Also , I did things.. like make him dinner nad offer to get his belt fixed at the leather store.. and I think then he feels like "I'm back" and he just goes back to his search for 'hot sex'.. I know that's something he thinks will be much better 'out there'
now he's calling to work out money and saying things like .. why have you been so out of touch? (in voicemail mssg) and hten things like "well I guess that's how it will be then"
oh help me with this. I amtrying so hard to sustain the grief. I have run my 3rd race and 3rd triathlon in an effort to GAL. I am having a friend to dinner tomorrow.. but I am just infinitely sad.. so soo sad. I don't know how to unhook and move on.. so right now I am pretending. My therapist suggested I start dating.. in an effort to get his attention and signal I'm not waiting around.
please offer any thoughts you have.. I am in so much pain.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
LMS - so glad you started your own thread! A couple of things jump out. Could you fill in a bit of your story, as far as how your marriage started out and what changed? When did the changes start happening, that kind of thing...
2nd....your H is going online, searching for "hot sex", right in front of you?!!? It is time for a boundary. Please do not allow him to disrespect you like that. He can go somewhere else if he has to, but to cause you emotional harm like that is unacceptable. There is a link somewhere on boundaries, I'll find it for you.
Most of us LBS have a lot of trouble with setting up boundaries at first. It's kind of hard, learning a new way of behavior.
Ah ha! The link on boundaries is right above this post, in the links Cadet sent you. I highly recommend you go through all of them.
Read the links. Have DR and DB. Look often at Sandis guidelines.
My WH has chased POWs too, been on dating websites since before we married, in fact might even have posted on our wedding day.
It is about WH, it is about looking outside for something which can only be inside.
It is a very empty journey for the wayward, for you in your journey here, there will be the gift of change, sharing, growth and great insight. That is the truth of your journey which is to self.
LMS, you have been lurking for a while, this is familiar to you. Take this knowledge to your heart. He is nowhere, you are now here. There is a big difference.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
