Hello 4 days ago i received a txt from my wife telling me she was tired of this situation and she couldn't live like this anymore, she didn't know what is going to happen but that she left the house.
Me and my wife had been arguing before this happened. I've always catered to her needs. We both know she is the dominant in the relationship. She has always had this strong attitude where is either her way or the highway.
According to my wife she is tired of having to remind of my simple house responsibilities, whether forgetting to take out the trash, wash the dog, help her with the kids when i get home from work. She states that i am not reliable for the simple reason that i forget things and she always has to step up. I told her that i try my best with helping when i can but she has to understand that i work everyday when she is at home all day. I told her she has it pretty good by being a stay at home mom nothing is missing, food on the table she has the luxuries to treat herself. She has pressure me to get a second job on the weekend in order to meet her needs. She told me i either get a better paying job (i make 60k a year) or get a second job.
She said she would leave the relationship if i cant meet her standards since she has always wanted to have a vacation every year and own a house by next year.
2 years ago she used to work until out of the blue she decided to quit her job and left me with all the bills.
She told me she always wanted to be a stay at home mom and i needed to make it happen. I wasnt all for it at first but at the end i had no choice on the decision since she had already made up her mind.
I sometimes tell her sorry im not able to help around the house but thats her job since i work every day of the week monday through sunday. According to her she is only a "stay at home mom" which means she only watches for our 2 girls, everything else like cleaning and cooking is extra and a luxury for me. I tell her it gets stressing at times since i work every day but according to her i need to suck it up since i never went to school. According to her she always pressured me to get a degree but i chose not too so i have to face the consequence. She questions me and tells me what has come out of me in this relationship that she doesnt have to tell me to do it? What do i do for her? My response was that i make sure shes a stay at home mom like she always want it , she has her own tshirt business which i back her in, nothing is missing, i have a good job on the weekdays in the office (operations manager Logistics ) on the weekends i work in labor construction. Well her answer, that doesnt count because she basically had to force me to make sure she was a stay at home mom. So it doesnt count. She tells me that my shy personality is also affecting our older daughter who is 3. According to her she never acts shy when im not around she dances signs and talks more, but when im around she doesnt. She is complaining that i am shy and i dont really talk much. She knew like that since day 1, I dont know why this is an issue now? She even told my mom and her mom that she likes that im shy and dont talk much since she is the one who is more talkative and wants to be the bigger person. Theres always something wrong with me every month.
I am either not romantic , well i work on that and i star showing her more romance. 2 months later she will complain and stress that i dont help around the house, well i start helping more. 1 month later she will complain that i dont spend time with her or the kids ( but she wants me to work more to get money) so i will work on that and have play time with my girls. I feel like is always something different and she keeps moving the goal post on me, its always about her needs, but she calls me selfish of my needs because i tell her we never have sex.
Her answer is why would she have sex with me if i dont do nothing for her , she is not a whore so she could care less about my needs.
Ive always cater to her needs, i either bring her sweets after work, i give her massages , i give her money to spend for herself, we do what she says. The 4 years that we have been together she has never said sorry or admitted she was wrong on any arguments we had.
I even told her that and her answer is that she always has the facts and she is never wrong. Recently she blew up because i was suppose to pick her up from her mom at 4pm in order to head to a party for 1 hour and leave to another party. I was in a business meeting with a friend and was arrived to pick her up at 4:18 pm, she got so aggravated because i was 18 min late. According to her I am not reliable and i always manage to screw up the day therefore i am selfish.
Anyways, she got in the car with the girls and in the middle of driving to the party she told me she could be in the same car with me since sbe was so pissed off, so she decided to get off the car and walk on the sidewalk of the street. Finally after she walked a mile she finally got back in the car but screamed once again when i was on the freeway and she wanted to get down from the car. I had to get off the freeway and she got down and walked in some neighborhood park while i followed her on the car on the street ( keep in mind i have my 3 year old and 7 month old on the back. I had to call her mom to drive over to my location in order to get her daughter. We finally got her in the car and her mom took her home. Ever since that day she never talked to me. Until this past monday when i received her txt telling me she had left the house. I am so stressed , I do everything for her and i dont think is fair she acts so immature. I believe this might be postpartum? I dont know. I txt her that i wantd to see the my girls but she refuses to let me see them since she doesnt want anyone to know where she is at since she is trying to "find herself". She says that i cant see them right now because we are still married and she cant take the risk and i may take the girls away. I dont know what to do anymore. I miss them all 3 but I wish she would see that she also is unfair at times.
Last edited by Cadet; 09/18/1504:37 AM. Reason: Carriage returns for readability
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
angel, welcome to DB. I am not sure what is the best thing to do in your case. There are some vets here that will. They will be around shortly. I just didn't want you to feel your being ignored.
I feel for you, it is a very difficult situation you find yourself in. Read the homework given to you by Cadet, try to begin focusing on yourself for the time being. Give the situation some time, but if you see it not coming to an end I would suggest looking into seeing how you can at least get to see your daughters, either by talking to family or the law.
Keep your chin up and have faith that things will work out for the best.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
Im sorry that you are here. Theres a lot in that post and it will take a while to really investigate and dissect.
But I will say two things right now:
1) I think you should contact a L. I dont believe that she has the right to prevent you from seeing your children without some kind of court order. Im pretty sure thats kidnapping.
2) You discuss a lot about how your wife asks you to do X and so you do X...and then she asks for Y and so you do Y...and then she asks for Z and so you do Z. I understand the philosophy - "if I do what she asks, then she will be happy". But it isnt really ABOUT the actual thing that she wants. She wants you to listen and figure out what she needs without her having to ask you for it. Its not terribly husbandly of you to do exactly as she asks over and over. She wants you to be your own person, while satisfying the things that she needs out of the relationship. She isnt interested in having another child follow her directions - she wants a PARTNER.
Right after reading Divorce Remedy by Michele, I'd strongly recommend you read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and "Hold Onto Your N.U.T.S." I think you need some help with asserting yourself and finding who Angel is again . . . get your mojo back.
This whole "placating your princess wife" thing isn't working for you OR her, from what you describe in your post.
the only problem here is that she is very close minded. She never takes a no for an answer. Once she makes her decision there's no changing it. She is just so hard and firm. I dont know what to do anymore.
Azzork , and thats exactly what she has always wanted. For me to make to come up with whatever it is. She has told me she wants a partner not another child. But whats wrong with me needing a little advise here and there? I have so much in my plate like working monday through sunday, managing all the bills ( because she gets stressed out doing that) making sure i dont forget to take out the trash, making sure that dog is washed, making sure everything is put in the right place because she gets pissed off if say the screw driver is on the dinner table instead of the tool box. I have to make sure i dont get lazy with maintaining the yard. On top of all that make sure i have enough money to provide food her expensive cell phone, and the luxury of having to buy clothes having my little girl in dance school. I give 100% why can she? She only takes care of the girls at home ( which i know is not easy either) before she left she wasnt even cleaning the house and i questioned her why? Her response was that i was keeping up with my responsibilities like the trash , dog, 1 week without cutting the grass, than why should she do the bed? why should she cook for me? She did her job which was to be with the girls just like i did my normal job. I am out of words, i feel like she is so unfair with me it's depressing in its way. Whats wrong with me needing little advise here and there ? Thats why i have her as my partner to push me for better.
the only problem here is that she is very close minded. She never takes a no for an answer. Once she makes her decision there's no changing it. She is just so hard and firm. I dont know what to do anymore.
They all are, angel.
If she is interested, she won't let her pride get in the way.
In any case, focus on you and what you can control.
