Sorry you are hurting mr me. You can, but should not ask her any questions at this point. Will be seen as pressure.
Me:29 W:27 M: 4 years T: 5 years No children S: 7/7/15 EA: 7/7/15 BD/"I'm done": 7/15/15 MC: 7/7/15-8/21/15 (failed) PA: 8/29/15 W Files for D: 9/9/15 D will finalize in 60 days
I have read the rules, but I'd still like to ask W one question:-
Do you want to save the marriage?
Can I should I ask it?
I would not,
Rule #1 is to believe NOTHING she says, so if she says something to answer this question, do you believe it?
Originally Posted By: Mr me
Really struggling today so want to look at her mobile which I know is a real no no.
Wondering if it would be easier to let her go so I don't get hurt anymore and maybe I can heal....but yet she text me immediately when she completed her run.
I hurt so much I'm alive but not living.
Yes you should DETACH and Let GO.
What does that mean to you?
What do you need to do to start living again? With or without her?
Do you think I should instigate the next 'date' time, or let her decide?
Have the two of you been dating since she's returned home?
Quote:
I'm also SCARED that in a months time she will say nope the magic is there for her and she will go again (I have not mentioned this to W) and I will be back on the precipice looking over the edge.
No, that's not the biggest problem you have. The biggest, is if she stays under her terms, which are.....no intimate relationship with you; no effort in working on the MR; and for her to live her life apart from you.
You still haven't given us background.
Can you list what you've done that would be considered DBing, since she's returned home?
Do you have a plan of action? I don't think you do. You seem very confused about what it is you should do.
Since she's returned, how many times have you left her sitting home in the evenings, while you went out to GAL?
Are you still discussing your thoughts & feelings with her?
Please take time to answer the questions.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Do you think I should instigate the next 'date' time, or let her decide?
Have the two of you been dating since she's returned home?
Yes went out last Sunday had a really nice afternoon together didn't talk about the M just enjoyed the day also arranged more time together this Sunday
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Quote:
I'm also SCARED that in a months time she will say nope the magic is there for her and she will go again (I have not mentioned this to W) and I will be back on the precipice looking over the edge.
No, that's not the biggest problem you have. The biggest, is if she stays under her terms, which are.....no intimate relationship with you; no effort in working on the MR; and for her to live her life apart from you.
You still haven't given us background.
Can you list what you've done that would be considered DBing, since she's returned home?
Being positive. Sorting dinners Looking into W eyes every time she talks Not initiated any conversations Not getting emotional Cleaning tidying and not reliant on W to sort
Quote:
Do you have a plan of action? I don't think you do. You seem very confused about what it is you should do.
My plan is to get her back, your right I am confused.
Quote:
Since she's returned, how many times have you left her sitting home in the evenings, while you went out to GAL?
None I've not gone out at all except to work
Quote:
Are you still discussing your thoughts & feelings with her?
I didn't want to as I didn't want to appear weak, should I discuss them, if so how? Should I mention how hurt I am at her having the A? Didn't want to lead her to questions about the future as didn't want to trap her
Last edited by Cadet; 09/25/1507:38 AM. Reason: fix quotes
I have read the rules, but I'd still like to ask W one question:-
Do you want to save the marriage?
Can I should I ask it?
I would not,
Rule #1 is to believe NOTHING she says, so if she says something to answer this question, do you believe it?
Originally Posted By: Mr me
Really struggling today so want to look at her mobile which I know is a real no no.
Wondering if it would be easier to let her go so I don't get hurt anymore and maybe I can heal....but yet she text me immediately when she completed her run.
I hurt so much I'm alive but not living.
Yes you should DETACH and Let GO.
What does that mean to you?
What do you need to do to start living again? With or without her?
Seems to me that would be a BAD IDEA to ask any questions like that right now...
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Are you still discussing your thoughts & feelings with her?
I didn't want to as I didn't want to appear weak, should I discuss them, if so how? Should I mention how hurt I am at her having the A? Didn't want to lead her to questions about the future as didn't want to trap her
This is where I'm struggling advice seems not to bring up the affair my other thoughts and feelings are how hurt I am and how I don't want to lose her but this could make her feel trapped....surely she will know I'm hurting....
Last edited by Cadet; 09/25/1507:40 AM. Reason: fix quotes
