It's unbelievable how upside down everything is to a WAS. I will never fully understand it. If I believed that people could still be demon possessed, I would argue that in these cases. Hang in there Jpeg. But holy crap that's crazy.
Me:29 W:27 M: 4 years T: 5 years No children S: 7/7/15 EA: 7/7/15 BD/"I'm done": 7/15/15 MC: 7/7/15-8/21/15 (failed) PA: 8/29/15 W Files for D: 9/9/15 D will finalize in 60 days
I just posted my first message on this board and read yours right after. Sounds like we're reading a similar chapter out of similar books - I have no children and there has been no snooping/discovery on my part but your feelings resonate with me and my situation in a way that lead me to reach out to you here. It's crazy how we can blindly end up in such a situation, isn't it? I mean, there has to be writing on the walls we either failed or refused to see. For what it's worth, I feel you and hope that through this journey in discovering ourselves and self-growth, we can come out of it in a better state of mind and being. It's my ultimate goal, as I've told my family and few friends that have learned about this - I will be a better person, regardless of the outcome. Hope the same for you. I'll be following your posts.
Hi GBBY! Thanks so much for reaching out. I really dislike the reason that brought me here, but I am without doubt, not sorry that I'm here. This last month of reading posts and learning has set me on a journey of self-discovery I badly needed. There is so much wisdom, kindness, and acceptance among the posters.
I'm a deep-feeling person by nature, a fact much teased about among friends and family, but this situation?!? I have no experience with it, so I'm reeling. Up, down, left, right...which way is up? One moment I'm okay - the next, sobbing. No one has EVER called me unfeeling, that's for surer...lol
I'm heading over to your thread to see if I can do my part.
Why, oh why, can't I stop being sarcastic? I know it gets under his skin...I guess I need to set a 48 hour limit on sending texts, too. I'm so mad at him right now (about my youngest sons) it just flows right out of me. I meant it to sting him, but that is hardly a good DB tactic!
Oh, no! We just had a major blowout. He came to my room to ask me about the divorce, and whether I was going to hire a lawyer. He was texting me about it the other night, and I just told him I didn't know yet.
Because he'd shared my e-mails with his girlfriend, I had told him I would not be putting anything in writing to him anymore. He asked tonight if when I had said I didn't know, I really meant that, if it were just because I didn't want to write him. I reminded him I wasn't writing anything because I didn't care to have his girlfriend reading my stuff.
He rolled his eye at me, and said, "ok...so?" So I told him I was hiring a lawyer. He wanted to know why. I said because I don't have any reason to trust you. You lied to my face, cheated on me, and your first offer to make payments on my car was ridiculous.
Here's the blow up. He starts screaming at me that I'm living in la-la land, laying around on my lazy a** all day while he's working and sleeping in a motor home. I said "Give me a break, you're not sleeping in any motor home. You're sleeping with your girlfriend." He says I know nothing, life is so hard on him right now. I said, "Poor little victim." (Yes. Not good.)
He actually had room to go in his rage! Says he does not have OW. Then named 3 people I should ask if he's been talking about this for years. I said, "Why we're you talking to them instead of your wife?" He replied that he did talk to me, I just didn't do anything until he got to this point. (Truth nugget here.) I said he didn't get to this point until he had found my replacement. I said I couldn't' t even look at him right now because of what he's doing to our sons.
He called me the foulest name possible tor a female, and slammed out of my room.I called after him..."Yes, I see...so numb, so detached!" (When D came up, he said he knew he was ready because he had no feelings at all anymore, not even anger.)
The he came back, still mad, and asked what I was doing with the lawyer. I said I wasn't sure yet, I was meeting with her Monday, but I was only hiring her to look out for me, not hurt him. He sais ok and left.
What a mess! I wasn't crying, still not, but I'm sick to my stomach. Is there a way to get to a better place from here? I cannot believe he called me that! It was meant to wound, and it did. I stuck up for myself, but I was not calm, and I was not nice.
This is all still very fresh and raw for you and emotions are running extremely high for both of you. I know its easy to say and hard to do, but please try to calm down a bit. Is there a friend you can call or go see to talk about this? I find that is the best thing to do in these tense situations. For some reason, talking to someone who understands you and just getting it all out works wonders. If not, can you go for a walk or exercise to release some serotonin? Try to avoid any further confrontation if at all possible. Please be strong and try to calm yourself. I will be here if you want to chat. I'm sure others will chime in.
Take care and breath...
M: 48 W: 45 Married: 16 years D1-14, D2-11, D3-9 BD: May 29 She moved out 2 weeks later with kids Awaiting mediation
Hi Judy, I'm here. I am sorry you had to experience such a stressful moment. The was a lot of emotion in that room. I don't think encounters like that are good for you health.
Would you telling him that you will not be spoken to like that help. Will he listen?
I'm so sorry, Judy. I haven't been in a relationship where we fought like this. My STBXH is an avoider. I would definitely say not to engage him and set a boundary right away "I will talk to you when things calm down" or "I won't be spoken to this way". End of discussion. I feel for you and it is very fresh for you right now. In a few weeks you will be able to step back and view things differently and learn to take a minute before responding to him.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
