You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Sorry you are hear. First thing- besides digging into the homework of those threads Cadet posts - is to get out of your head that you have 1 month. You may have one month until H wants to start D proceedings, but it won't be one month until you're done. Yes your H may want to move fast, but even if you end up D, there is no reason that you can't re-marry. So, don't add time crunch to your panic.
I'd hold off on jumping to MLC until you've laid out your sitch a bit more, including the things you see that were problems in your M and how you contributed to them.
Not pursuing and being very patient are the keys. Give him space. No R talk, and certainly none initiated by you. We'll have more, but I want some of them main things to not get lost in too many other points/thoughts.
It's hard. We all go through it. We aren't special. You can to.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
I can be patient with him, just not me. He wants to keep things as normal as possible. For example, he has a weekend conference coming up. Initial plan was to join him at resort Friday after school. I'm thinking GAL, I will stay in. But he wants D15 and me to still come. As in "I want your company; we can all go out for dinner"
I haven't responded with my decision.
Supposedly, I'm still his best friend and he likes to do things with me (just not sex)
Deep breathing here.
Buttercup
Me 50 H 51 M 17 T 20 D16 H EA Feb 2014 BD Sept 2015 H moved out Nov 2015 W Filed D papers Mar 2016
I wouldn't worry about a time frame. Even if he files right now, there's going to be a bunch of time until the divorce is finalized. And even once it is, not much really changes. Instead of counting down days, count UP days of a new you. What kinds of things do you want to accomplish during this month? What kinds of goals can you set for yourself? How does Butterc "October" look and feel and act? How are you going to get there?
Update: Halfway though DR and working on my goals through journaling.
180 plan for today is to NOT talk about the R especially about Saturday...our anniversary is later this week.
Taking it day by day.
Buttercup
bomb - last week M 16 T 20
Hi Buttercup,
Welcome to the party! Sorry you're here as well. This is the worst place in the world to be filled with some of the best people on earth.
Take as many deep breaths as you can for the next week. Lots of them, often. You're going to get through this. It won't be easy, and if you do it right, you're going to learn a lifetime's worth in the time you're here.
Keep posting, ask questions, read as much as you can and keep taking those breaths.
Big hug,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
So finally have time to explain my sitch. I have read DR and I am at the stage of last resort. Basically H declared he is ending the M.
According to him: It's been over for a long while. There is no physical attraction. He has no desire to work on it. i.e. No counseling
Other than an EA in Feb '14 where I have been like a scared rabbit when he admitted it, I thought it was okay. He did not give me indication there has been problems...
No. On second thought, the signs were there and I was not hearing what he was not saying.
Last week (living in hell for 5 days already), I have gone through the normal stages of grief, both alone and with him. Within 3 days, I was practicing 180, thanks to suggestions from you all, and reading DR.
It's hard for me to ask for help. I have reached out to very few, very close friends who are being amazing.
It continues to surprise me after all the posts I've read how many of our spouses say the same things. Mine said he will always love me but no longer feels the need to be intimate with me. And we had a very active intimate life right up to the day he left
