One of my friends just posted a video of a pot bellied pig with a bagel. He's standing by a canal and a gator comes up and steals the bagel. These things happen in Florida. #alligatorlove
Hope you are having a good weekend with your kids.
Ha, I was looking everywhere for my thread to make a post and I couldn't find it and I was like 'ya know, I wonder if Sunny just bumped me back to page 1' and wouldn't you know it, GATOR SIGHTING! By the way, I forgot to answer you, yes, I've read up on Mozza's thread.
That's funny, it kind of ties into my day today. I had a rough week. Really bad. See, my month has been going bad at work. This week has been a GRIND. Sales when nothing is closing is torture. Monday was bad. Tuesday was worse. Wednesday, even worse, like bottomed out. But I just KNOW if I hang in, yes I'm behind but just grit it out, if I force myself to keep doing what I believe I should be doing no matter how awful I feel...sooner or later something good happens. Today it happened! I finally slammed shut a few good accounts, with nice people that appreciated me, and clawed my way back into the month. It felt AWESOME! That's why I get there, it's not because of how well I do when I'm doing well, it's because I don't ever give up no matter what.
The reason that's funny is that I was leaving my buddy a voicemail about how I have a lot to be appreciative for in my life, how even if I don't live with my kids I still have my family, how even if my L screwed up and it costs me thousands a month for many years the courts wouldn't order me to pay it if I didn't make it so things are going OK, things will be fine, etc. For a moment I applauded myself for being appreciative with a good attitude...then I realized it was all BS, I was just feeling good because I got my 'sales fix', really I'm just a drug addict and closing deals makes me feel good, and during those times when I just had a good win everything looks a little brighter. I laughed and said "I hate being human". Just kidding. But not really.
On another note, and this is pretty big news...STBX said at handoff I could keep the children through Sunday night and bring them to school Monday!!!!!!!! (Previously was dropping them off Sunday night). This is AMAZING! I am currently 4/14 nights (every Tuesday, every other Fr/Sat). The parenting proposal I put together with L was for 6/14 now, and 7/14 in a year. Well, we haven't reached agreement on that, but she said I could have them Sunday night saying "I thought that's what you wanted to do so I thought we could give that a try".
OMG. I am SO HAPPY. SO HAPPY. SO HAPPY. You have no idea what this means to me. I truly can't find the words.
I ended up having a quick text exchange with STBX and I told her how much I appreciated it. Funny thing...I found myself FILLED with loving feelings for her. For just a moment I was so overcome with love for her. I saw her in the light I did when we were M, and we had just made love.
There are a couple of points to this story. One, I have my kids Sunday, HOORAY! Two, I have grown up a lot...because while I had those feelings, I looked beyond them, understood where they came from, and didn't take them for the "truth". I know that STBX is doing some nice things for me and the kids, that she's not all bad, etc. But while she may trigger loving feelings this day, that doesn't mean that I can't see the whole picture, that I will chase after those feelings like a drug addict and try to contort my behavior to her to do things that make me feel that way again, or that I won't protect myself in all appropriate ways. In the past I've never done that. I was a user and she was my drug. I'm proud that I can move beyond that at least to a point. Finally, the last point...I have learned there are some things that profoundly make me feel good. Feeling understood and important fill me up. And I get a lot of that through sex. It's truly amazing how loving I always felt after we made love, and how dark things were when we didn't. So while I won't allow those emotional highs and lows control my behavior, I will be holding out for someone that I can count on to understand this about me, make it a priority, and, ahem, take care of business.
Lastly, tonight was a dream night with my kids. Dinner out, chess, some good conversation, story time, and hang out time. Tomorrow we have some work to do (kind of, grocery shopping, homework, etc) but we'll have fun to. As much love as I felt for my STBX, I feel that with my children...in fact, maybe that's why I felt that way towards her tonight, it was love for the kids that spilled over to her as the enabler of more time with them. Did I mention I get them through Sunday night?
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Zues, so happy that you have your kids the extra day this weekend. And even happier you can have warm feelings towards your STBX and realize those feelings can be part of your future together without affecting your path forward.
One of my guilty pleasures is reading the news coming from the state of Florida. One story I remember fondly is when police charged a woman with assault in a domestic dispute incident.
Seems she and her live-in had gotten into an argument. She settled it by beating him with a pet alligator they kept in the bathtub.
