ok guys, I haven't called and do not have any intentions of calling, but i have to be honest. I really want to. The stupid thing is that i know what would result from it. NOTHING. if anything i would feel worse and she would continue to hold this power over me.
I know im preaching to the choir but it very hard not to make decisions based on emotion right now.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
ok guys, I haven't called and do not have any intentions of calling, but i have to be honest. I really want to. The stupid thing is that i know what would result from it. NOTHING. if anything i would feel worse and she would continue to hold this power over me.
I know im preaching to the choir but it very hard not to make decisions based on emotion right now.
tk - It's ok to want to do something. I want to walk out of my job and get on a flight to Paris. But that doesnt mean Im going to do it.
Take pride in knowing that you arent doing it, not shame that you want to.
I don't think there is OM in my sit but I cant get that thought out of my head. I know most of you have dealt with this and it is a reality in your sit. That has to be the most sickening feeling ever. I am trying to prepare for this in case there is OM but I don't want to even think about it. I don't think I could deal with that.
I need some good news in my life right now. This year has been absolutely terrible. I cant catch a break. It seems that maybe God is trying to break me. There are some days where I feel like im going to end up in the nut house. Or I will become that crazy old man in the neighbor hood who never leaves the house. I just need something good in my life and I need it quick.
My job is extremely stressful. Just today alone I have been fighting with the client's rep over some meaningless junk and it takes up the better part of my day. I am the quality control. nobody likes to see me coming. Even when they are friendly to my face, I know as soon as I turn my back they are talking trash about me. Then after a 10 hour day of this BS, I get to go home to an ice cold house. Where in know for a fact I am not wanted.
This is so hard to deal with. knowing that you are not wanted in the house that you provided is unbearable. I have spent my whole adult life building this and in one day it is all destroyed by the person who said she would be my partner forever. I am trying not to be resentful and bitter but im just disgusted at what she is doing to our family.
Sorry for spewing.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
tk - Yeah. These times are tough. No question. I find that instead of waiting around for something good, Ive had to go out and find good things. I found a couple of groups that I can join to hang out with a couple nights a week, and that gives me things to look forward to. Ive started planning fun, new things with my kids on weekends.
It sounds like you are very musically inclined and already have some work lined up. That IS good news already, ya know? See how you can expand that. Or see how you can do something else a different night.
It's time to take control of your life. From "It's My Life": Luck ain't even lucky Got to make your own breaks
Yes you are right. There are some good things happening.
Also, I have been feeling guilty for spending so much time on myself and being out of the house so much lately. When I am home with the W I have a hard time avoiding R talks. I feel guilty more so for not being home with my kids. We spend a lot of time together on the weekends but not so much during the week Do you see this as a problem?
I am trying to find the right balance. I don't like being home when she is there. Everything seems awkward and forced. By forced I mean our interactions in front of the kids are not genuine.
In the past she did most of the housework and I did all of the outside work. She did laundry most of the time and usually me and the W laundry was done together. I have noticed she throws my laundry in a different basket and does not include mine with hers anymore. This seems childish to me. I still do everything for her as far as keeping her car clean and maintained, yard work, anything that needs to be fixed. Its just weird that she hates me so much she doesn't even want our clothes to intermingle.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
I feel sick just reading your sitch right now. I remember when I was there. I know how it feels to just be helpless. There is just something in us that will not let it go. We hold on the smallest of things to keep hope alive. You desperately want things to get better but you can't make it happen.
Heck, I'm in the middle of a D and still feel that way. I am sure you are starting to learn that you have no control her actions. All you can do is work on yourself. Do not have expectations for her response.
As soon as you have expectations you will know that you are trying to control the sitch. That can be your measuring stick so to speak. When you try to control things it pushes her further away and makes you miserable.--at least that is my understanding.
Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs EA: Started 3/2015 MC Started: 4/2015 She moved out and served 6/2015 PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015 2 young kids
"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
im hanging in there like a loose tooth. This is so hard to deal with. knowing that you are not wanted in the house that you provided is unbearable. I have spent my whole adult life building this and in one day it is all destroyed by the person who said she would be my partner forever. I am trying not to be resentful and bitter but im just disgusted at what she is doing to our family.
Sorry for spewing.
It's terrible man. Not sure what else to say, except that a lot of us are going through the same stuff. At least you still get to see your W. I guess it's a mixed blessing. Mine moved out months ago and now I might see her once a week for 5-10 minutes. And she's always in a hurry to get going, like she's extremely uncomfortable being around me. I think part of it is probably guilt over what she's done, but it still hurts.
I just try to keep a PMA around her, focus on being upbeat and casual. I can usually pull it off, but then mild depression sinks in after she's gone and I have the same thoughts as you. How did I get here? What did I do to deserve this? There are no answers that make sense.
I take some comfort in knowing that my life is slowly but surely getting better. I can see a point where my pain will be minimal. I don't see the same for my WW; she's making life altering decisions in a rush, while doped up on infatuation. I'm doing my best to hang on for the sake of my family, but not sure I'm going to make it. I probably have at least another year of this and I plan to be so detached by then I don't think I will want her back. I think she's probably got a very rough road ahead of her the next few years but that isn't my problem to worry about right now. We just gotta keep with the program and fix ourselves.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
Yea, I get to see her and to be honest im not sure if that's a good thing. She ignores me and everything I do. Unless she needs money or needs to talk to me about the kids. The hurtful thing is that she seems unaffected for the most part. I am still trying to stay hopeful even when it seems hopeless.
Another thing that bothers me is her attitude toward my family. She has always had a great relationship with them and now she doesn't talk to them at all. They have done a lot for us over the years.
I know that the DB program is the only chance I have but it just seems like this will never end. I want my family back together and I don't know if that will ever happen. What makes this so hard is the not knowing. I am trying to embrace and accept it but it gets too hard sometimes.
I have been going to bed as soon as we put the kids down in an effort to stay away from her but I lay there wanting to go out and talk to her until I eventually fall asleep.
I know I could have another woman if I wanted to and I know that I will eventually be ok but that's not what I want for me or our kids. They don't deserve this. She is willing to make everyone around her unhappy so that she can feel happy.
I told her early on before DB that we know that divorce will lead to more heart ache and devastation. However, we don't know where we would be if we both tried to make this work. She refuses to even entertain the thought of us ever being together again.
Im just so sad.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
