She told me 'You can leave your stuff at home, for now'. So i replied later saying I found a storage place and will take my things upon my return from the retreat. She says Ok and keeps using sweet nicknames for me, totally pisses me off.
Then changes her FB picture to one of our moments together (tried Unfollowing her there, doesn't work as we're still 'Married' there).
Then sends me a picture of hers eating something, pisses me off further.
I want her to experience the depth of loss which I experienced over the past 3 weeks while she was in a deep fog about what this entails, I don't want to feel revengeful but I do.
Not sending her any of the angry thoughts that are going through my mind.. didn't reply to the photo, what can I say?? jeezus.
Good on restraining yourself. You can unfollow her on FB. It also has the advantage of not being something the other person doesn't know you have done. You still will see their posts if you use list & have her as a member of one or more of those lists. Her profile pic will still show up in your friends. But her activities won't show up in your feed any more.
You're going to have to figure out how to deal with & release your anger if you're going to want to continue to ride the rollercoaster this is going to be. You'll end up exhausting yourself at having to restrain yourself so much. Re-reading the detachment link in Cadet's first post will help. Hopefully your time away will also give you some space to lower the anger level. Think of it as not giving her so much power over you by making yourself less able to be triggered & quicker to let it go.
Hang in there, and I hope the retreat helps you.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say at the end of your last thread. Im not saying that things that hurt you dont hurt or shouldnt hurt you. What Im trying to say is that your goal should be to get a point where the little things she does or says dont hurt.
she sends you a picture of her eating something? You just shrug and think "thats weird." She says "you can leave your stuff here for now" you think "Meh, Im going to move it out anyway."
This isnt an overnight process. It takes time and effort and probably a lot of pain. But, thats your goal - is to let her do her own thing and for it to not bother you.
All I was trying to say in my post before is that while distance helps, dont expect that you will achieve ^^^ just by being away - I know that it helped me, but it wasnt everything.
She's bombarding me with texts about money today, it all stems from her misunderstanding but I asked her to discuss this later today and she just keeps on going.
I guess I just allow her to indulge by replying.. Very same pattern we had in the past.
I did however restrain myself from blaming her for breaking our marriage and replying in anger.
NEED SPACE
Me: 29, wife: 29 Been together 6 years. Married June 13 (2years) Separation: 22/6/15 W stopped wearing wedding ring 30/6/15
Cried to reading this part of the discourse on the Buddha's death: Enough, Ananda! Do not grieve, do not lament! For have I not taught from the very beginning that with all that is dear and beloved there must be change, separation, and severance? Of that which is born, come into being, compounded, and subject to decay, how can one say: 'May it not come to dissolution!'? There can be no such state of things
Me: 29, wife: 29 Been together 6 years. Married June 13 (2years) Separation: 22/6/15 W stopped wearing wedding ring 30/6/15
"Therefore, Ananda, be islands unto yourselves, refuges unto yourselves, seeking no external refuge; with the Dhamma as your island, the Dhamma as your refuge, seeking no other refuge.
"And how, Ananda, is a bhikkhu an island unto himself, a refuge unto himself, seeking no external refuge; with the Dhamma as his island, the Dhamma as his refuge, seeking no other refuge?
34. "When he dwells contemplating the body in the body, earnestly, clearly comprehending, and mindfully, after having overcome desire and sorrow in regard to the world; when he dwells contemplating feelings in feelings, the mind in the mind, and mental objects in mental objects, earnestly, clearly comprehending, and mindfully, after having overcome desire and sorrow in regard to the world, then, truly, he is an island unto himself, a refuge unto himself, seeking no external refuge; having the Dhamma as his island, the Dhamma as his refuge, seeking no other refuge.
Me: 29, wife: 29 Been together 6 years. Married June 13 (2years) Separation: 22/6/15 W stopped wearing wedding ring 30/6/15
She called me, pulled me into a R talk and I exploded in anger and said things I really regret. We then had a better conversation but it was still an epic failure on my part.
Oh well.. on we go.
Me: 29, wife: 29 Been together 6 years. Married June 13 (2years) Separation: 22/6/15 W stopped wearing wedding ring 30/6/15
Some of us did the wrong things for months and months before finding our way here.
Just so you are aware, most men have no clue how the angry male voice triggers their fear and causes a cortisol spike. That is very uncomfortable. It is negative conditioning over time.
Glad you had a good IC. Maybe explore some anger management books for help. It's not doing you or your R any good.
Still, a blip in the long run of DBing, so don't beat yourself up over it.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Anger is back with a vengeance.. It's a result of my lashing out.
All these thoughts about her already screwing the guy she cheated on me with, while I'm sleeping on the bloody floor at a friends house with no mattress.
My reality stinks right now I can't wait for this internal storm to pass
Me: 29, wife: 29 Been together 6 years. Married June 13 (2years) Separation: 22/6/15 W stopped wearing wedding ring 30/6/15
