I know I'm rambling and saying the same things over and over. I just can't shake it right now.
How can a W of 16 years just stop caring. I don't get it. I never thought this would happen and I thought if it did it wouldn't bother me so bad. GOD I was wrong. This is by far the worst feeling ever. I would rather be hit by a truck.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
Stop. You're too emotional about this right now. This is when you need to get out and breathe. Go for a walk and just start to calm down. I have been in all the places you've been right now. I know exactly how it feels. Your W has gone nuts and there is no way she's ever gonna come back whilst you sit and go all needy and weeping on her.
She will want to see a brave man who is confident and can do all the things she wants her H to do. Don't ask what that is, make the changes you think will be needed to bring her back by working on yourself. Gym, reading, no drinking, no idea what it is, but look at it from her eyes - what have you got to give?
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
How can a W of 16 years just stop caring. I don't get it. I never thought this would happen and I thought if it did it wouldn't bother me so bad. GOD I was wrong. This is by far the worst feeling ever. I would rather be hit by a truck.
It's very hard to wrap your mind around it, because it seems so sudden to you. I think what you have to realize is that your W has most likely been detaching for years. There were probably signs along the way that you missed, like most of us. But it wasn't like she flipped a switch from one day to the next and decided she didn't love you. She's been thinking about this for a LONG time. But, like most of us here, you probably had no idea it was near as bad as what she thought. So for you, it's all fresh. You're likely 2 years or more behind your W in going through these emotions.
There isn't any quick or easy cure for the hurt. Everyone on this board has been through it or is still going through it. All I can tell you is that, if you take the right steps, try to work on detachment, and focus on yourself, that with time, it does start to get better. I think it probably is harder and takes a lot longer if your still live together. My W moved out 5 months ago, and I still struggle, but nowhere near as bad as the first few weeks. Not sure if you are a spiritual man, but I have found that praying and reading the bible really helps me, as well as talking to friends and family. Hang in there. It's a long, difficult road but you will make it through.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
How can a W of 16 years just stop caring. I don't get it. I never thought this would happen and I thought if it did it wouldn't bother me so bad. GOD I was wrong. This is by far the worst feeling ever. I would rather be hit by a truck.
Would your feeling change if she had cancer or a brain disease?
She doesn't care and IMHO it has nothing to do with you. You could have stood on your head and spit out $100.00 bills and it would not have mattered.
Ok I have calmed down and that you all AGAIN for you help. I'm going to go play some golf and relax. I don't know any of you personally but I love you all so much. Dwh, Yes I am a christian and I read my bible and pray daily. It does help. I just spent an hour on the phone with my father. He has cancer and is not doing well. We have always had a strained relationship. He was a baseball player and I'm a piano player. He is old school country boy from TN and never allowed me to show any emotion. However through all of this we have become best friends. I believe that everything happens for a reason and if my BD was to get me closer to my father then it is well woth it.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
Detaching seems counterproductive for my Situation. One of the reasons that she gives for wanting a D is that I have been emotionally unavailable. It seems that detaching would only make things worse.
I am still committed to following the rules but can any of you explain why detaching works if that is one of the reasons she has made a decision to D.
Becoming a WW doesn't happen overnight. It's a process. Once it developes to that stage, everything changes. The last thing she wants is to have you hanging around her. If you were not there for her emotional needs, she does NOT want you there now! You must get this fact! What she tried to tell you she wanted in the past........is gone. It is over.
Before you can start being there for her physically or emotionally, she has to desire it. Otherwise, it will disgust her beyond your belief. I am trying to tell you she no longer has those same feelings. For her, it is too little too late.
Maybe you need to go back and read what Michele says about detaching.
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How can a W of 16 years just stop caring. I don't get it. I never thought this would happen and I thought if it did it wouldn't bother me so bad. GOD I was wrong. This is by far the worst feeling ever. I would rather be hit by a truck.
The fact you can say you never thought it would bother you so badly, makes me think she has asked herself how the man she married could just stop caring about her emotional needs. You apparently weren't too worried about it, until she dropped the bomb. And now you are crying and asking how she could stop caring after 16 yrs. Maybe she felt she had given you 16 yrs of chances, but you didn't do anything about it.
You need to get yourself together. This pity party you are having does nothing productive. If anything, it makes you feel more sorry for yourself, instead of getting focused and determined to make changes. Do you have a plan? Have you read completely through Divorce Remedy yet?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
