To get more replies my suggestion is to ask questions. Put you post down in a readable fashion. (not one big block of type- ie hit carriage return frequently). KISS = Keep it simple stupid Post on other peoples threads and give them support. You may not think you are qualified but you will be surprised that you may know something or have some knowledge of something that others know nothing about. Personally thank each poster that does post on your thread or ask them a follow up question.
I would definitely consult with a lawyer because we had to take a parenting through divorce class, required by law and it really opened his eyes to how his behavior in front of our son is detrimental to him. You need to protect yourself and your kids. You have RIGHTS, they have RIGHTS to see their father anytime they want to and at important events like the first day of school.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
I'm beginning to doubt myself and feel like giving up on my relationship with wife.
It feels like there is no chance especially since she is so convinced that us is over and never again (her words).
I don't want anymore drama for my kids and I just feel like moving on.
Yes it hurts to see and hear the woman I dedicated my life two...the mother of my children be so ugly and hateful toward me like I was some piece of trash or act like our relationship was all bad and now it doesn't matter what we had before.
Your W is going to spew, kick, scream ... all that. She is wayward. Now she must make sure she paints you as the Ahole to justify what she is doing. You are new to this ... but you need to take a step back and think about this, think about your plan of action and what YOU can control .... which just so happens is only YOURSELF.
She is convinced ... for now... that the M is over, you have officially been fired from your position of H at M headquarters, your desk has been cleaned off for you and your belongings are not being shipped. Accept that .... it happened.
So now what?
You start taking a look in the mirror. Its time to go out and GAL, Detach ... let her do whatever it is she is going to do as you pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Go out and get inot some constructive activities. If you have to .. start small .. baby steps.
For me ... my first thing, very first thing I did after a few weeks of the same self pity me stuff you are going through. I started making the bed, then I made sure the dishes and kitchen were clean before going to sleep. Amazing how a clean house helps your PMA .... then I did bigger things .. joined some sports teams (Football/Softball) ... joined a church group ... made sure I always looked good even if I was not leaving the house... focused on being not just a good Dad .. but a GREAT one.
Start slow ... and all those things ^^^^ they were for ME, not for W nor to try to win her back. You have to rebuild yourself, get your self esteem back, your mojo, your respect ... right now its gone ... but you can and will get it back ... how long htat takes is in YOUR control ... that horse called "Life" just bucked you off ... time to get up and get back on it.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Believe it or not, your W may be doing you a small favor. It almost sounds like you have no choice but to GAL and detach. Interact only when it involves the kids. I have a similar situation, but she is still in the house and our constant interaction makes it very difficult to detach, likely making the process less effective and lengthier. Act as if it is over and there is a better that your W will at the very least become less combative. Keep doing the back and forth and the odds of that are slimmer. I almost wish my W would move out and give me more space to practice 180's and breathe.
T:22 M:17 Me: 44YO Her: 42YO 1 son 13YO BD 5/16/15 Her affair w/ OW 3/15-7/15 Her: ILYBNILWY
You all make sense and I see it and sort of get it. The problem with me is that I for some reason make a positive effort and then take 10 giant steps back.
This kind of Love really hurts. I tell myself, oh you can move forward and do this, but when I see things at the store like the Pediasure Milk always I buy for my boys, or hear the kids behind my house playing sports as my kids did here it hurts so bad.
I'm going to have to start at step 1 again as suggested.
Love hurts.
Please Dear God, if it your will, make my family whole and one again. In Jesus' name I pray.
